To be really scared to drive?

[fearfuldriver]

I had lots of driving lessons 5 years ago. I never got my head around reversing or parallel parking, I couldn’t understand it. But what terrifies me is motorways/ junctions where there’s several lanes. I don’t understand how you know which lane to be in to go where or how you figure it out. It really scares me. I was learning in a village at the time so I never came across these things. Did anyone else feel this way? AIBU to feel this way and what should I do? My DP drives but we’re potentially moving to somewhere in the country and I feel like I should drive if we do.

Sometimes the thought is scarier than the doing it!

I had alot of driving lessons at 17. Just didn't take to it. Found it overwhelming etc. Same sort of situation learning to drive in a village. The thought of driving in the local town was so scary. I stopped when I went to uni.
I tried again 10 years later, learning in a big city and it was so different. Once I found an instructor who understood my fears it just clicked. I did an intensive course after doing my theory and alot of reading work before actually getting in a car. I would spend time concentrating on what the signs and layouts were when I was a passenger. I was really nervous before getting in the car but after one day it felt natural.

I spent alot of the first year after driving googling routes to anywhere I didn't know so nothing came as a surprise. I ended up moving across the country so ended up doing alot of long distance driving about 6 months after I passed. It felt a massive achievement at the time for me.
I still do it now 10 years later if it is a long journey somewhere unfamiliar.

My first driving instructor was rubbish, I realise now, so after doing a bit of research I found one who was amazing! Clearly explained everything step by step, especially reversing and parallel parking manoeuvres- and we just practiced and practiced these, until I nailed it. You need to ask around find a decent instructor and get out there and start again, and build up confidence. Explain to them that you’re nervous, and the parts of driving you are especially worried about. they will have seen loads of worried drivers before, and will be able to help. Just make sure u get a good instructor

Nonsense. Nobody is a natural-born driver. This is exactly the sort of post she doesn't need. Unless there's something actually wrong with you, anyone can learn, carefully and with support, to drive safely. I'd argue that someone who is more concerned and worried about danger and driving is less likely to be a hazard to others than someone who's overly confident... Obviously there's got to be a balance.

OP, as with most things, the more you do it the better you get. A few lessons and a bit of reversing aren't going to be enough. You need to drive every day really. If you find a good instructor they will give you confidence.

I'm at the other end of the spectrum, been driving trouble-free for more than 40 years and I'm now getting nervous. But I live in the middle of nowhere and if I don't drive then I don't go anywhere, so I have found forcing myself to drive to new places helps.

It's all just practice really. Very few people are born knowing how to parallel park (I'm still a bit rubbish at it after 40 years, but functional). They just keep at it until they are better.

I’m surprised you haven’t picked up all the motorway stuff as a passenger. In fact I would say it’s easier to learn all that when you don’t actually have to worry about driving, you can take in all of the signage and watch how the traffic flows through junctions etc.

Give it a go, and if it is not for you, then don't feel bad or beat yourself up about it.

My friend said a few years ago that she was going to restart lessons. I didn't say anything but thought omg 😟. It's not that she's unintelligent but she has a problem with spatial awareness. Luckily it came to nothing and I'm glad. Driving is not for everyone.

Do you not watch/observe as a passenger on the motorway and see how it works?

For starters find a driving school which can teach you in an automatic, it makes the mechanics of driving much easier so you can concentrate on manoeuvring and what's going on outside the car.
Living in a rural area requires a car for any kind of independence.

I was the same even after I passed. I took more lessons many years later, and I constantly watched videos online. The videos online really helped me click everything together

A lot of driving is muscle memory, especially in a manual. So even though it seems impossible when you start it really does become easier. You just have to keep practising until your body memorises the actions and can do them without you having to think about each step.

I drove in my 20s then had a bad accident and didn't drive again until early 40s. It was terrifying! Like throwing up, couldn't sleep the night before terrifying. The only way to get over fear like that is to go through it. Keep reminding yourself that you're safe, the fear will pass, and eventually you'll get there 😊

I never enjoyed driving and gave up learning for many years. Started again with a new instructor who was fantastic and I passed quickly. I’ve never driven on the motorway and never intend to!

My DH does the majority of the driving and I only drive when I need to or want to. Suits us both fine.

Start learning and then just stick with what feels comfortable for you once you pass.

Well, there's no point fretting about lanes and motorways before you've passed the test, is there? So one step at a time, if you want to learn to drive, get some lessons organised. Finding a good sympathetic teacher is the key.

Don't move to the country before you've passed your test. Some people don't manage to pass and you'll be extremely isolated and dependent on your DP while you don't have a licence. That could be a long time as it's hard to get a test scheduled. I don't like driving but I have always opted to live in city centres so it hasn't affected my lifestyle at all.

I don’t like driving where I’m not familiar with the road layouts etc and I’ve been driving years. I avoid driving where I’m really not keen (busy roundabouts and motorways) I’m a perfectly safe driver where I choose to go. I wish I had more confidence as I don’t want to be restricted but it would cause me a lot of anxiety.