Inheritance

[Breeabelle]

I am looking for an outside opinion on my siblings thoughts on their inheritance.

I live in the same country as my aging mum. I have two kids and am a single mother but have met someone 4 years ago and we are looking to buy a house. There is one house that we have looked at has a one bedroom flat attached to it. My mum would like to sell her very nice house and put some money towards this house for us, and that would be my share of the inheritance. I have 3 siblings that all live abroad and only come home for a week or two every year. My mums current house is in good condition but she needs lots of help maintaining it and things are starting to go wrong, like a new boiler is needed, there's a leak in the attic, etc, nothing major, but things than stress her out at her age. I think her moving in next to me in a completely separate but attached dwelling is a fantastic idea as she is quite nervous about being by herself but equally is totally independent.

However one sibling has kicked off about it saying it is so unfair that I possibly will be getting slightly more inheritance than the rest of them- 10,000 roughly. I have said that I will be the one taking care of mum as she ages and that I could of course buy a different house which would cost me much less but I am thinking of the future with Mum. And that they need to talk to mum about it as it isn't my money. And we mightn't even get the house. It has caused so much stress and now nobody is talking to each other. My mum is all for the new house.

Do you think it's worth the stress of siblings not talking to each other ?

What will you do if she needs 24 hr nursing care and her home needs to be sold? If you’re only getting 10k more, is that all her flat would be worth?

It's your mum's money and she can do what she likes with it. Maybe nobody will get anything if she leaves the lot to charity. Money does strange things to people. Maybe everyone should sit down together and have a good old chat about it.

You definitely need to get the house and flat. It’s the best thing for your mum

Ignore your siblings. Ultimately it is down to yourself, your DP and your mum! It sounds like a perfect solution for your mum x

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

It’s not their inheritance. It’s your mums money. She’s still alive ffs. Grabby fuckers, ignore them completely

I hate talking about money and inheritance and I keep telling my mum that none of us kids wants anything except for happy memories with her and that she should go enjoy her life!

Which country are you in?

Ignore your siblings, they sound horrible. It’s entirely up to your mum what she does.

That's genuinely what I think too. The others don't see how mum is ageing because they barely see her due to the distance from where they live. But also just wanted opinions in case what we plan to do is unfair.

Think you need to have a word with a solicitor first . If you and DP split up , what happens if you have to divide or sell property ? Whose name will it be in.? What portion will be considered if she needs to go into a care facility. Are you prepared and able to be a FT Carer if she needs one ? Don't think the family that moved away get to have much if a say in your mother's arrangements . Let her tell them what she wants . You step back from those discussions.

If they want to be "fair" suggest the alternative whereby your mum buys two adjoining flats and you and your siblings all live next door to her for an equal number of months per year. I'm CERTAIN that they'll go for that, seeing as it's FAIR.

IME the ones who shout loudest and kick off in these situations are the ones who are doing the least to help the elderly relative. She could leave you the whole estate and it would be fair enough, since you are willing to make such changes in your lifestyle to help her.

So your mum is trying to depreciate her assets so she doesn’t have to fund her own care if she needs it?

I had a feeling this was part of the issue. You need to tread very carefully now because if she has to go into a care home, the local authority will - if necessary - put a charge on that house, even if you sell it before. They won’t take your or her word for it that she hasn’t depreciated her assets. And they can and will go through all aspects of her financial and medical history.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/do-i-have-to-sell-my-home-to-pay-for-care

We did this 20+ years ago and it’s worked well. In our case DB was on board with it even though we moved hours away from him. DM remained highly independent until a fall aged 80. Now, I’m glad I’m so close at hand even though she can be infuriating at times!

" they" being the taxpayer? Careful its not seen as deliberate deprivation of assets.

Are you saying your DM is going to split the proceeds of the sale of her house sale between her four children but you’ll be getting £10k more? She needs to understand that if she needs care in the future, any assets she holds over £14,250 will be taken into account, and if she has more than £23,250 she’ll be liable for the full fees, so if she doesn’t give your siblings their share now, they might not get it.

Meanwhile you’ll have an appreciating asset which she will have no claim on if the arrangement doesn’t work out.

Financially it isn’t fair. On the other hand if you’re willing to give up your life (and possibly your relationship) to her long term care you will earn every penny.

Well it is a deliberate attempt to deprive the tax payer of assets isn’t it! 🙄

I agree with this! If you divorce yoyr mum will be in a mess.

(if you're in theUK) If your Mum is elderly and could reasonably expect that there might be some care requirements in future then selling her house and distributing all the money would mostly likely be seen as deprivation of assets.

The risk for your siblings is that if your Mum needed more care than you could (or were willing to) offer, the local authority would go after the money that had been given to your siblings. Much harder in your situation as your house would also be where your Mum lived (assuming that you would own the whole property and that the flat does not have its own title deeds or could be sold separately).

If her living in the flat is genuinely in her best interests, and that arrangement would/may prevent her going into care, then the better route would be for her to retain and not distribute the funds from her house sale. Then those monies could be used for her care, if it is eventualy required. Also she should rewrite her will to state that the funds would only go to your siblings. If no care is needed then those funds would be distributed on her death - as inheritances are.

Then the challenge is that if your Mum developed nursing/care needs beyond what you could provide, and all or most of her accessible funds were used to pay for her care, you would have to think how you were going to free up assets to share with your siblings from the money you have already received.

Or maybe you would feel you'd done your bit, and wouldn't care.

It depends on what country you're in, OP. In mine, any financial gifts are counted for 5 years (deprivation of assets), and her share of the property will be counted towards age care costings.

I'd ignore your siblings but find out the financial obligations & only worry about yourself.

If your siblings kick off, just say their welcome to move home, and move your mother in with them for an extra £10,000 that may or may not happen.

Thank you all for your view points. I have discussed with my mum about her not wanting to ever go into a care home so I guess that's where this whole idea has stemmed from, including her wanting to divvy out most of her money to her other kids. We definitely need Solicitors's advice. I also have had several conversations with my partner about all eventualities and we have agreed the house would be mine as I am financially in a better situation going into to the house (aside from my mums contribution, I have a large deposit) However this is something that we need to solicitor to confirm and make sure everything is above board. So much legal stuff to think about. I really thought I was doing the right thing for my mum but Jez all the solicitors conversations that I am going to have to have are making me feel it's so much hassle. But then the alternative is me living 30/40 minutes away from her and, my life, while she is alive, is going to be soo much harder. But obviously I would just get on with it, she is such a good mum and a great person, just the logistics would be hard with young kids. Ugh. Life is hard!!

it’s very easy for your mum to say she never wants to go into a care home, we have the same with my in-laws who live 2 mins away, with young children, we will do our best to keep them in their home, however FIL’s health in recent weeks means we could be looking at live in carers, since that’s the level of care he will probably need when he gets out of hospital and we can’t provide this. Can you envisage yourself providing this 24/7?

Can’t she buy a more manageable property close to where you live?