AIBU to feel like I barely have any mum friends who relate to my life?

[HumbleTalkativeMum]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… how many mum friends do we actually have who truly relate to our day‑to‑day life?

For me, I’ve only got one friend with a child, and another friend who has MS — and that’s really my whole circle. I’m a mum of three (5, 3 and 1), and I’d really love to meet new mum friends this year. People I can chat to on a high day or a low day, without judgement or pressure.

How many friends do you have who genuinely understand your situation? And are you looking to make new connections too?

I’d love to hear from others in the same boat.

I’m wondering if this is just modern motherhood or if I’m missing something.

Have you tried the peanut app?

What about school mums you know from your 5 year old’s class?

A few years ago I made it my new years resolution to make friends. Which feels embarrassing but it's hard when you're an adult!
Things that I did- went to free council groups/ library sessions. If the kids were playing with someone, id suggest meeting up another time (awkward to start with!)

Used peanut app and arranged to meet at a toddler class so we saw each other weekly for a while.

Playdates at the park with school friends to get chatting with the mums. Bonus points if they have a younger one of a similar age too.

Not all of these meet ups led to real friendships but they did build confidence and acquaintances which helped, and a few led to proper friendships that I still see regularly years down the line.

The one thing that struck me was your emphasis on "really relate".

I have a group of rock solid mum friends (we message daily, even though we usually spend half the day together anyway, and we've met up 9-10 times through December socially).

We can't all directly relate to each other because we all have different gripes, different work, different family situations. What makes us such good friends is our willingness to be there for each other no matter what and sympathise however silly we are in fact being. Our patios are always free for our husbands to be buried under.

So my advice is don't look for someone exactly like you. Look for someone who you can be that friend for.

What do you mean when you say they need to genuinely understand your situation? Do you mean they have to know what it's like to have kids?

I have lots of friends who I can relate to and who understands most of what goes on in my life, but we don't have to have shared life experiences. Some have kids, others don't. Some are married, others aren't.

When the kids were younger I had friends who had kids the same age and that was our common denominator. Some of those friendships have stuck, others have faded. If you want life-long friends I think you should look for people who you just get on with and have fun with but I don't see why it's necessary for them to also be mothers. You are more than just a mother and before you know it the kids will have grown up and if you are lucky you are left with some amazing friends that you have known a long time.

Lots of my friends are very different to me. I can't always relate to them and I feel sure they can't always relate to me. That's fine though. The important thing for me is that my friends are kind and a good laugh. My best pal is Muslim and has two boys. I'm atheist and childfree. We are always laughing together. You often find good friends where you least expect them.

I found Peanut a waste of time. They write to you once then they stop.

I've never understood the "mum friends" obsession.

I tried a few baby groups to make mum friends but found it really unfulfilling and boring trying to make friends with people who I had nothing in common with other than nappies and breast feeding. We didn't have any shared interests, different education levels, it was rubbish. I don't know what I was supposed to be getting out of it because I can talk to my husband about nappies and breast feeding everyday, why do I need to befriend other mums to do that? Why does doing it with other women that I don't particularly care about make it any better?

I already have a good group of close friends, some middle aged with grown up kids, some younger than me and childless, but out friendship hasn't changed at all other than I see them less often and tell them about my daughter occasionally. Why should I be prioritising making new friends with kids the same age as mine over these years long rock solid friendships with women who understand me and have shared interests and goals with me? Makes no sense.

Why do you need ‘mum’ friends? I’m not a mum and two of my closest friends have children.

Yes I have. It was asking about subscriptions that's something I don't have the finance for right now.

Yes, I’ve tried with the school mums — but most of them are in a different boat. They’ve got support from their baby fathers or exes, they’re working part-time or full-time, and they’ve got family who are well and able to help with childcare. I don’t have any support from my baby father’s side, and there’s no one to watch the kids — they’re with me all the time. They’re like my little shadows… I can’t even go pee without one of them following me in 😅

It’s not that I haven’t tried — I just haven’t found anyone who truly gets the full weight of doing it all alone. I’m a mum of three (5, 3 and 1), and I’m really hoping to make some genuine mum friends this year — people I can talk to on a high day or a low one, without judgement or pressure 💛

I really appreciate you sharing this — it’s encouraging to hear how you kept trying, even when it felt awkward at first 💛

I’ve tried a lot too, but it’s been really hard. I haven’t got money for subscriptions like Peanut, and when I’ve gone to stay-and-play sessions, there haven’t been many parents — and even when I’ve asked to swap numbers or grab a coffee, I’ve been looked at like I’m speaking another language 😔

I’ve tried mum and baby sessions, but they’ve often been empty — or the few parents there just want to shadow their child and aren’t interested in chatting. I even went to a Henry healthy eating programme with my baby, and I felt so invisible. I tried to engage, but it was like my answers weren’t being heard. I left feeling really disheartened.

Since then, I’ve been leaning into online spaces — it’s the only place I’ve felt like maybe I’m not imagining it all. I’m a mum of three (5, 3 and 1), and I’m really hoping to make some genuine mum friends this year — people I can talk to on a high day or a low one, without judgement or pressure 🌿

If anyone’s open to chatting, I’d love to connect 💛

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis Thank you for sharing this — it really made me pause. I think you’re right that friendship doesn’t always need to be about direct relatability. But I’ll be honest… when you’re doing it all alone, with no partner, no family support, and three little ones (mine are 5, 3 and 1), it can feel like you’re on a different planet from most mums. Even the ones who mean well.

I’ve tried to connect in person — stay and plays, mum and baby sessions, even a Henry programme — but I often end up feeling invisible. I’ve asked to swap numbers, suggested coffee, tried to engage… and it’s like I’m speaking another language. I’ve had to accept that for now, online might be my only way in.

I’m hoping to build some genuine mum friendships this year — people I can talk to on a high day or a low one, even if our lives look different. I want to be that kind of friend too — someone who listens, supports, and doesn’t judge 💛

If anyone’s open to chatting, I’d love to conn ect 🌿

@Snoken Thank you for sharing this — I really appreciate your perspective 💛 I agree that friendships don’t always need to be built on shared life experiences. But I think when you’re in the thick of parenting alone — no partner, no family support, three little ones (mine are 5, 3 and 1) — it can feel like you’re living a completely different rhythm to most people. Even the kind ones.

I’ve tried connecting in person — stay and plays, mum and baby sessions, even a Henry programme — but I often end up feeling invisible. I’ve asked to swap numbers, suggested coffee, tried to engage… and it’s like I’m speaking another language. I’ve had to accept that for now, online might be my only way in.

I’m hoping to build some genuine mum friendships this year — people I can talk to on a high day or a low one, even if our lives look different. I want to be that kind of friend too — someone who listens, supports, and doesn’t judge 🌿

If anyone’s open to chatting, I’d love to connect 💛

Thank you both for sharing 💛 I really appreciate hearing different perspectives.

@RobertaFirmino — I love that you’ve found such a strong friendship despite different life paths. That kind of kindness and laughter is everything. I think when you’re parenting solo — no partner, no family support, three little ones (mine are 5, 3 and 1) — it can feel like you’re living a completely different rhythm to most people. Even the kind ones.

@Augustus40 — I felt the same about Peanut. I tried it, but it didn’t lead anywhere. I’ve also tried stay-and-play sessions, mum and baby groups, even a Henry programme — but I often end up feeling invisible. I’ve asked to swap numbers, suggested coffee, tried to engage… and it’s like I’m speaking another language. So for now, I’m leaning into online spaces and hoping to connect with mums who truly get it.

@YourBreezyBiscuit and @Jackiepumpkinhead

I hear you both 💛 And I agree — friendships don’t always need to be built around motherhood. Some of my closest connections have come from shared humour, kindness, or just being able to talk freely. But I think when you’re parenting solo — no partner, no family support, and three little ones (mine are 5, 3 and 1) — it can feel like you’re living a completely different rhythm to most people. Even the kind ones.
I’ve got two friends — one with MS and one with a child — but neither truly understands the full weight of doing it all alone. That’s why I’ve been hoping to connect with other mums who get the emotional stretch, the mental load, and the relentlessness of it all. Not because I want to replace my existing friendships, but because I need a space where I don’t have to explain so much.

If anyone’s looking for another friend to chat to — about the highs, the lows, or just the everyday stuff — feel free to DM me. I’m happy to share my number privately 💛 No pressure at all, just here if you ever need someone 🌿

I hear you OP, I hope you meet some lovely new people soon 🩷

Really difficult as often those that try to initiate friendships are the ones that everyone avoids as they are seen as desperate. We all know members of playground mummy mafia, and they are to be avoided at all costs.

I have a group of friends (6) who I’m very close with, have been for nearly 20 years. Of that group four have children, and the other two are very easy to talk to. I would say I can talk about the highs and lows with all of them, but we do all have different struggles. For example, two have been able to be stay at home mums for as long as they like and one has been able to rely on her parents for full time childcare. I only have one friend who has a child in nursery like me, so she’s the only one who can really relate to me on that subject. However she lives next door to her parents and her husband is home a lot for work so she doesn’t have much time on her own with her children whereas I am on my own a lot more. I think everyone can put themselves in eachothers situation though which helps!

Thank you both for sharing 💛 I really appreciate hearing different perspectives.

@Skybluepinky — I hear you. It’s hard when people try to connect and are seen as desperate. I think for some of us — especially those parenting solo, without partner or family support — initiating connection isn’t about desperation, it’s about survival. I’ve got three little ones (5, 3 and 1), and I’m doing it all alone. I’m not part of any playground circles, and I often feel invisible. I’m just hoping to find a few genuine mum friendships where I don’t have to explain so much.

@Floundering66 — Your group sounds lovely, and I really admire how you all hold space for each other’s different struggles. I think that’s what I’m longing for — a space where I can talk about the highs and lows without feeling like I’m too much. I don’t have childcare, and I’m with my girls 24/7. Even my friend with a child in nursery has family and partner support, so it’s hard to find someone who truly gets the emotional stretch of doing it all alone.

If anyone’s looking for another mum to chat to — about the highs, the lows, or just the everyday stuff — feel free to DM me. I’m happy to share my number privately 🌿💛 No pressure at all, just here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to.

Why are you repeating the same paragraphs and details (5,3&1) over and over?

Either this is an AI bot or perhaps a sign you need to work on social skills for building friends

That’s been happening on several threads today. What a rude thing to say.

i am not sure this is a real person. All their responses are AI and they seem to switch from American to English. The asking people to contact them directly worries me - it’s quite fishing really.

Good luck finding a few local single mothers with multiple young kids, who have the time or even the inclination to engage in nurturing chit chat, ‘holding space for each other’s struggles’. Aaaarggh.

Peanut is free

No I agree this poster sounds like AI/chatgp and is also being a bit forward asking people people to DM her so she can share her phone number. I’m reporting so MNHQ can take a look.