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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage daughter wants to stay alone on new year

33 replies

Candleinalantern · 29/12/2025 10:41

DD is 16 nearly 17, we have been invited to a party for new year at a friends which her younger siblings are coming to. DD usually has plans with her friends but this year does not, i have invited her out with us but she has said no and I have said we will just stay in and have friends over to ours instead so she isn’t alone but she is saying she doesn’t want to go out and she doesn’t want us in. If we stayed in she would just sit in her room all night anyway and probably come down to see in the new year and go back back up to her room.

AIBU to go out? She keeps saying it’s no different to any other night we go out and leave her in but I feel like I don’t want to leave her on her own even though we have already made plans and she won’t see us anyway?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 29/12/2025 10:43

If you've previously left her (and at her age, I can't see why you wouldn't), why is NYE any different? Go to your party. She's not interested in going and she clearly just feels happier staying at home.

Sanch1 · 29/12/2025 10:46

If she’s happy at home and not bothered then I don’t see any point in changing your plans? Unless you don’t trust her not to invite a load of people over for a party in your absence?!

minipie · 29/12/2025 10:46

She’s not that bothered about NYE, that’s a good thing IMO, as she says, it’s just another night. Unless you think she’s secretly really miserable about having no plans and you don’t want to leave her for that reason?

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/12/2025 10:47

I think her specifically saying she doesn’t want you at home is a bit of a red flag - I’d suspect she wants to invite her own friends over and is hoping she’ll get away with it whilst you’re out. But if you can ensure that doesn’t happen (or are happy for her to invite a couple of sensible friends you know over and can trust her not to try to have a party) then I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to go out as planned without her - she’s a teenager, hanging around with her parents’ friends and her siblings for enforced jollity probably isn’t high on her list of favourite activities.

HopelesslyNaive98 · 29/12/2025 10:49

This is totally the kind of stunt I would have tried to pull off as a teenager…

Original poster
Candleinalantern · 29/12/2025 10:49

I’ve told her she can invite some friends over, I don’t think she’s particularly bothered about it.

OP posts:
YellowCherry · 29/12/2025 10:50

She might be feeling a bit rubbish if she hasn't been invited to any parties. I think you'll make her feel worse if you stay at home.

Livpool · 29/12/2025 10:52

She’ll be fine

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/12/2025 10:53

Candleinalantern · 29/12/2025 10:49

I’ve told her she can invite some friends over, I don’t think she’s particularly bothered about it.

Then I think it’s fine for you to go out and let her do her own thing. I don’t remember NYE feeling like a big celebratory milestone at her age: it didn’t mean much - things like birthdays and the end of the school year were the occasions my friends and I saw as pivotal points, a new year in January was just another year.

ChrimboLimbo · 29/12/2025 10:54

YellowCherry · 29/12/2025 10:50

She might be feeling a bit rubbish if she hasn't been invited to any parties. I think you'll make her feel worse if you stay at home.

I agree. Being on your own at that age isn't as depressing as being with your family because they feel sorry for you.

Bundleflower · 29/12/2025 10:54

Just leave her some cash for a takeaway and then you know she can have a bit of a ‘celebration’ of it if she wants to. Easy!

Comedycook · 29/12/2025 10:55

I have a ds the same age...well hes 17 already. I doubt he'd be particularly excited or keen to come to a Nye party with me and my friends. He'd totally choose to stay at home.

hockityponktas · 29/12/2025 10:57

The only thing I’d be worried about is that she’s unhappy? Seems maybe a bit off that she isn’t interested this time when she usually makes plans? (From an outsiders view anyway!)

5128gap · 29/12/2025 10:59

If I was a teen with no fun plans then I'd rather spend the night as normal than be expected to socialise in a way that didn't appeal.
Unless you're concerned about her in some way (she's had a big fall out with friends, or seems depressed, for example) I'd leave her be. If you are concerned then I'd discretely cancel my plans and stay in the house.

GreywackeJ · 29/12/2025 11:00

Just leave her to it. I wouldn’t have wanted to go out with my parents at her age.

Vaxtable · 29/12/2025 11:01

Why do people make such a fuss over one night? Like millions of others I believe it’s just another day, and don’t celebrate in any form

just leave her be, if she wants to stay at home fine, you go to your party

awrbc81 · 29/12/2025 11:02

Just leave her, she’ll be fine. I’d have hated being dragged to a party full of younger kids when I was your DDs age.

Miranda65 · 29/12/2025 11:02

New Year isn't a big thing for lots of people especially at her age. She'll be fine and happy on her own, so please go out, and don't fuss over her.

ilovesooty · 29/12/2025 11:02

Go and let her stay at home. I don't see why you should cancel an invitation that also involves your younger children.

BauhausOfEliott · 29/12/2025 11:16

She’s almost 17; she can decide whether she’s happy to stay home alone or not. It’s NYE, not Christmas dinner!

At 17 I’d have thought my parents were being really bloody weird if they’d suggested turning down a party invite just so I wasn’t alone on NYE!

Franpie · 29/12/2025 11:18

I’m having this exact same issue with my 14 year old DS. I also don’t know what to do for the best. I can’t force him to come with us to a friends party but I can’t face the thought of leaving him alone on NYE, it seems so depressing. He also won’t invite friends over nor does he want us to have a little party here. Argh!

So no help I’m afraid, just solidarity.

SweeetFannyAdams · 29/12/2025 11:19

BauhausOfEliott · 29/12/2025 11:16

She’s almost 17; she can decide whether she’s happy to stay home alone or not. It’s NYE, not Christmas dinner!

At 17 I’d have thought my parents were being really bloody weird if they’d suggested turning down a party invite just so I wasn’t alone on NYE!

At 17 I’d have thought my parents were being really bloody weird if they’d suggested turning down a party invite just so I wasn’t alone on NYE!

Yeah me too.

I probably would've thought they were insinuating that I was weird or something.

Leave her alone OP, not everyone wants forced jollity.

ChrimboLimbo · 29/12/2025 12:23

Franpie · 29/12/2025 11:18

I’m having this exact same issue with my 14 year old DS. I also don’t know what to do for the best. I can’t force him to come with us to a friends party but I can’t face the thought of leaving him alone on NYE, it seems so depressing. He also won’t invite friends over nor does he want us to have a little party here. Argh!

So no help I’m afraid, just solidarity.

Is he a gamer? If so he won't really be alone

Pineapplewaves · 29/12/2025 13:32

17 is old enough to be left home alone, leave her some drinks and snacks and go and enjoy your night out.

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 29/12/2025 13:36

Franpie · 29/12/2025 11:18

I’m having this exact same issue with my 14 year old DS. I also don’t know what to do for the best. I can’t force him to come with us to a friends party but I can’t face the thought of leaving him alone on NYE, it seems so depressing. He also won’t invite friends over nor does he want us to have a little party here. Argh!

So no help I’m afraid, just solidarity.

What's depressing about being alone? One of the longest nights of my life was being made to attend my parents friends NYE party at the same age!

I've never liked Xmas or NYE and was much much happier on my own reading my new books and eating toast.

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