I need some female advice. I'm a married dad of two and I feel like I'm lost. I've been with my wife for 16 years, and married for 7. Our sex life has been up and down the whole time. Great initially, then non existent for many years (postpartum depression, I didn't pressure her, I understood). And then around 5 years ago it was really good. Having sex 2 or 3 times a week. And it wasn't just the frequency of sex that improved. She seemed to enjoy it more. She became less inhibited and we would have sex in the middle of the day and she was more open to trying new things. Around the same time she started reading a lot on her kindle. This became apparent during the first lockdown when we had all day to do nothing and she would lie in the sun in the garden and just read. I asked what she was reading and she would just answer "all kind of things". Anyway some time later she left her kindle on the kitchen counter and it was open. I wasn't snooping (then) but I looked at it just out of curiosity. It was then I found out that she was reading erotic novels. This surprised me as she was always against things like porn or sex toys or anything like that. I didn't say anything cause it was none of my business.
Then around 6 months ago things just stopped. She started making excuses like she was on her period (I knew she wasn't cause she's always kept her pads on the radiator on the bathroom when she was.on). We've had sex once in the last 6 months. I haven't asked her why cause she doesn't really like talking about this kind of thing. She reads these books constantly, even during the day when the kids are in the room. She doesn't know that I know. She's very obvious when she tries to hide it. I walk in the room and she closes her phone (she uses the kindle app on her phone now). If I sit next to her she turns towards me slightly so I can't see her screen. When we were on holiday she would move her lounger so I couldn't see her screen. I often wake up in the middle of the night and find her awake reading. I don't really care that she's reading these kinds of books, what bothers me is that there's no intimacy. It also bothers me that she's so secretive about it. I feel like she doesn't trust me. I'm beyond depressed and it's getting to the point where I think I'd rather be alone than live like this (I'm literally in tears writing this). I need some outsider viewpoints and I'll answer any questions no matter how personal.