Positive stories of your autistic girls and women

[fruitfly3]

I have a wonderful 9 year old daughter who is autistic. She is mainstream educated, bright, creative and a lovely old soul. She adores soft toys, imaginary worlds, open ended play, magic, games and being outside. She couldn’t be less interested in clothes, popular culture (K Pop, 67 and all that), socialising, make up etc. As she gets older, the gap between her and her peers widens. Christmas is particularly hard - she doesn’t go to the parties and shuns the socials, asking to leave constantly. We generally create a happy world for her, but this is a balance as we also have a very outgoing child, and my husband and I want to have friends too. We don’t have grandparents and extended family to support us.

I worry so much for her - for what she’s been through, for what she’ll go through. For the loneliness that comes with feeling different. I’m rambling - I would love to hear about positive and proud stories of your autistic teenagers and young women. Posting here for traffic - apologies, SEN boards don’t get much traffic.

44 year old autistic woman here with two degrees, a husband, two kids, my own home and a shit tonne of brilliant memories of adventures. It took me a while to find my groove but by 24 I was well on my way.

I also have an autistic son, it’s so fascinating to me how we can be so similar and yet different. We have similar sensory profiles but he has associated learning disability and will never live independently, whereas I have been fully independent for over 20 years. He has a great life too, it’s just a different path.

If I’d known that I was autistic in my teens it would have made an enormous difference to my quality of life - I just thought I was weird and crap at everything except reading books.

Let her be her - no pressure to fit in - she will eventually ‘find her tribe’ people who will love her for who she is.

encourage her interests - let her delight in the things that bring her joy - don’t force her to confirm to what the world says a teenage girl ‘should’ be.

let her be free to be her snd to love her passions… many will not understand her and yes she often won’t fit in - but ‘fitting in’ at the expense of being authentic and true to who she is - will cause MH issues.

love her - delight in her joy and celebrate the unique and wonderful person she is.

The world at times is and will be cruel - but knowing she has a family who accept her 100% for who she is is absolutely priceless .

@geminicancerean thank you. That’s hugely inspiring. I’m so glad we knew early and hopefully can avoid the major bumps in the road.

@Jungleballsjungleballs absolutely this - she is wonderful. Up to me to hold my own tension around her not fitting in.

Autistic dd.
Bright, went to grammar school, had few friends. Generally hated school, had to drag her there many a time. GCSE's were particularly traumatic, for all of us.

Left school, didn't know what to do, definitely didn't want to take the A level and uni route.

Did an apprenticeship in a trade, last month was awarded apprentice of the year.

She has a group of close knit friends who "get" her.

Leaving school was the making of her, she has told me she can remember very little about it because she has blocked it out. She just at found school life really hard.

I am so proud of the young woman she has become.
Don't get me wrong, she can still be a nightmare but she is definitely more self aware than she was.

I’m in my 50s. I obviously got no support in my childhood. I was just the strange, oddly smart girl.

I found my people when I got to university. I got a degree, went to grad school, and got a fantastic job. I have a husband and child. I’m still awkward as hell. I’m happy though.

My DD has ASD and I’m not worried about her. She has so much support. It’s so much easier for her generation. Yes, she is quirky. When she got to secondary school, she found her group. Primary was hard just because her school was too small to have other kids like her. She doesn’t socialize the way a stereotypical teenager might, but she still has friends and a life. She drives. She is going to university soon. We are talking about careers and back up careers if AI or the economy make her ideal plans difficult.

Life is good.

@QuirkyHorse sorry things were so hard for you both, but so glad your DD has found her groove outside of school. Similarly, school is a struggle for us. I dread secondary.

She sounds EXACTLY like how I was as a 9 year old! Especially the soft toys. I have felt different my whole life and there have been struggles with that, definitely. But I’ve also had a fantastic life so far. Won a scholarship to study Psychology at uni, then went onto medical school after and worked as a hospital doctor in England and Northern Ireland. Now married with two kids in a part of England I adore.

My son is autistic and I’m so worried about him starting mainstream school in September. I think my mum still worries about me too.

You could be describing me at her age! I'm Autistic and I have ADHD.

I thrived academically and gained a PhD, I built my own business from scratch and became financially secure around age 30 when I sold that business. I then started a new business which I do for enjoyment, part time, and the rest of my time is split between volunteering and hobbies.

Socially, I have a wonderful close group of friends (most are also neurodiverse) and I've been married to the most loving, caring man for 18 years.

I will say, most of us are childfree by choice as parenthood just did not appeal!

I feel that being autistic & ADHD has been an advantage for me in lots of ways. :)

Just echoing PP that it would have made a huge difference to my self esteem if I had known sooner. I was always picked last in PE, I remember crying with frustration unable to thread a needle in Textiles class, couldn’t use a can opener at my Saturday job in a local cafe - it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with dyspraxia in my twenties that so much made sense, and autism later on.

I also struggled socially at primary school, but as secondary school was larger I made some friends and by Uni I had lots of friends. Now after moving around the UK with work and then motherhood I’m back to having few friends again but I’m content with that for now

Just to add - I hated school. I actually left aged 15 with no qualifications. Every aspect of secondary school was hell.

Life was much better when I could chose my subjects and attend a quiet, small college; I thrived academically then.

Thank you much - I didn’t expect so many personal stories! This is so helpful and I’m reading everything.

Thank you for starting this thread OP. My 10 year old DD is autistic and I really needed to read some of these replies.

@NessShaness so glad it’s helpful someone else. It’s a tough journey, often hidden in plain sight.

My best mate is a newly diagnosed autistic 43 year old woman and is fundamentally one of the best people I know.

shes fucking incredible. Yes, she struggles socially, but she is the best person I know, she is kind, so bloody intelligent and interesting, I trust her completely. She had a career she enjoys, finds value in and contributes to society with. She has a happy marriage of approx 15 years. She has close ties to her family and is a loving aunt and sister.

im so proud of her for getting her diagnosis and the bravery she displayed throughout it.

she’s a star.

i'm 18 and AuDHD and have ARFID. i struggled through school, primary was rough because teachers refused to believe my mum when she said i was autistic, so i didn't get any support. i got diagnosed at 13 and so high school got easier when teachers realised i actually did need the help my mum was begging for. i got good gcses (if i do say so myself 😁) and went on to my sixth form to get my a levels. i did subjects i loved which was a nice change from being forced to do maths (which i hate and am sooo bad at) to being able to study sociology and media which i love!! i'm now at the uni of leeds and yes my uni experience looks less like your "typical" uni experience, but i'm enjoying it and i'm managing alright. the disability support team are amazing and have been so helpful.

i've had lots of bumps in the road, many friendship fall outs because i kept befriending people who werent very accepting of my needs. but i know much better now, and always listen to my mum when she has (correct) suspicions of people being bad eggs! i have struggled with friendships all my life but i have a solid few people in my life who are accepting, loving, and caring. it took a while but it was so worth it.

its just so hard feeling like the odd one out, i always felt it was like everyone knew there was something "wrong" with me, like everyone was in on some joke i hadnt been told about. but your daughter will find her people, she will find parts of life she loves. i hated doing "social things" until i discovered you dont have to force yourself to hang out with people in difficult settings, social situations can be chill and relaxed and i have amazing friends who accept that if im going to be social, its going to look a bit different to other peoples idea of being social, e.g. ill go to a cafe but wont be caught dead in a club 🤣

i know when i was 9 my mum was so so worried about me because she knew i was disabled but couldnt convince anyone to take her seriously. she was terrified id never get the love or support i needed. but 9 years later, im not doing too bad for myself. i hope you feel better seeing that lots of autistic women are so successful and happy after adolescence.

sending hugs xx

DD - now 20 - is autistic and has ADHD. Frankly, her first 13 years were hideous. She was very violent at home and became a school refuser. Life was tough for the whole family.
We got her into a local tiny private boarding school which had around 18 pupils per year group. This was when she was 13 and it changed everything for the better.
She is now living with friends at uni, whilst she is studying for her degree in SEN and Disability studies, with hopes to go on to do a Masters degree to qualify as a drama therapist.
She has done musical theatre since she was 6 years old and still does it now at uni. She's doing great and we are so very proud of her.

@arfidisarealthing that is such a kind and thoughtful post - it brought a lump to my throat, thank you. I also had a very different university experience - actually, I didn’t fit in at all. I’m not sure I’m autistic, but I was definitely quirky myself 😊

My dd is in her 20’s. She has been a very late developer in many ways, she got interested in the preteen (9-12) activities and interests well into her teens, started being interested in teen type stuff in her 20’s, she seems young for age still but actually is independent, married and happy. Mental health was pretty rocky throughout 12-22 ish but then improved quickly, she has fortnightly therapy though to keep her in a good place, uses her benefits to pay for it, she doesn’t work but is studying (again!)

@gogomomo2 thanks you, I really appreciate this. I haven’t looked into benefits as yet but I think I need to.

Thanks for these stories too. School has been an utter nightmare for my DD and GCSEs are traumatic. There is hope beyond all this which is what I am holding onto as right in the thick of it now. Thank you, I needed to hear this.

I am also in this boat with DD15, who received a diagnosis of ASD at 12.
She is academically very capable and tries her best for fear of getting into trouble, but I wish she could find her tribe and something that brings joy rather than anxiety to her life. Whatever that may be.

I was diagnosed at 32 so I’m so happy for your DD that she won’t have to suffer through school the same way I did and that you support her in being who she is :)

I’m married with two kids and a good group of other autistic/adhd friends who share my hobbies and interests. I work as a graphic designer. I don’t make millions* but am paid well enough to have a comfortable life.

*Though I have a high IQ and have always been academically gifted it was unfortunately the arts side of things that I preferred rather than anything useful like business, science or maths.

My anxiety and panic attacks were at their peak during A levels . My attendance at college was around 30% because I’d feel so physically sick with anxiety. It wasn’t so much the A levels themselves but I had so much anxiety about the upcoming transition of moving away to uni. My mum was so worried about me and she paid for me to have weekly CBT. I feel bad thinking about how much anxiety she must have had herself.

and then uni came around and for me it truly was some of the best times of my life. Writing all this I do feel so incredibly grateful for my mum, she’s been such a huge support and she’s my best friend.

Same here. 13 year old DD in year 8 and i feel I'm.counting down the years until year 11 ends.
It's all the social side.
It's really hard as a mum and I worry about her.
Had school refusal at primary.