To ask what the line is between friends with benefits, and a relationship?

[BoxOfCats]

Curious to know what others think the distinction is exactly. I’ve been seeing someone for several months who says he doesn’t want a relationship, however otherwise appears to behave like we are in one (and neither of us are seeing anyone else).

What defines one versus the other?

Public acknowledgment.

As @HeddaGarbled said plus public dates, cinema, meals out, concerts, walks, gym - anything together outside of the bedroom.

Just in the bedroom? FWB.

FWB there is no commitment, either party free to hook up with someone else. I’d also say you don’t owe the other person anything, for example fine to not phone/message for a fortnight. Wouldn’t consider the other person when making decisions.

Relationship typically would be exclusive (unless you had agreed to an open relationship). Also in a relationship I would see myself as part of a couple so wouldn’t go for a fortnight without getting in touch, and would consider the other person in making decisions etc

Emotional support

That’s a F**k buddy. FWB will do things normal friends do, such as meals out, cinema etc, but they will also have sex

Commitment. He is a having his cake and eating it, while you get crumbs. The worst of all worlds, he gets the girlfriend experience without providing any of the support and commitment.

For there to be a relationship both parties have to have decided they want a relationship.

Different people will define a relationship differently, particularly in the early stages, but if he's said he doesn't want a relationship then you aren't in one - no matter what it might seem like to you or to anyone else.

Commitment, feelings , being known as a couple.

FWB IMO is friends that do friends things and have sex. There is no blending of families or friends. It can be exclusive or non exclusive depending on those involved. Meetings are arranged to suit both parties. Some weekends away and in some cases holidays too. When not seeing each other, contact is as required but can be friendly banter as well as supportive. After all you are friends.
There are no discussions about marriage or living together, everything financially is 50/50.
If one catches feeling then they openly confess and it usually ends.

If you haven’t agreed you’re in a relationship, especially given he’s expressly said he isn’t, then you’re not.

Please break it off. You deserve better. The right man who will cherish you can’t come along so long as you’re wasting time with losers. I wish when I was younger that older women told me how valuable I am. Don’t throw away your precious time. You are valuable and if he can’t see it then don’t give yourself to him.

OP walk away. I have spent 4 yrs with a guy who allegedly did not want a full relationship so we were FWB plus a lot of the emotional support and a lot of commitment - ie holidays together, meals out, talking there when i was ill and vice versa but he did not consider this a relationship. We texted everyday, spoke in the evening everyday.
I turned up as usual for a weekend at his place last January and he basically told me he had found someone who was great and he was really enjoying himself and we could continue our relationship but on a less frequent basis.

I walked away and was the best thing i have done. We were not FWB we were in a relationship by any definition of the word and he cheated. there is a fine line between FWB and a stop gap relationship.

I miss all the good thngs we had but would never trust him again

Do you want to be in a relationship with him?

How did you meet?

Wow, ok. I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you.

I see what you’re saying. Although my ex partner of 10 years, who I lived with, owned a house and pets together with, also left me for another woman. So I guess there are really no guarantees even when someone indicates they’re in a relationship with you. Which makes it harder to figure out what to do.

Why so? Both are getting what they want from the situation. Why make out the man to be the villain?

It's what you both define it as. In the past ive had fwb - we jad dates, walks, sex...but we both knew it wasnt going anywhere becos we were in different places in our lives. It was great while we were both single, when i met someone we ended it.

As others have said, the difference is commitment - how it works in practice can differ from.person to person but its what you both say/agree to that defines it.

In order to not get hurt you both need to know what it is, and what it isnt.

For me, the difference is romantic love and commitment from both sides.

I don't have feelings of romance for a FWB. He's a friend I do friend things with, and sometimes have sex with. I am not jealous of whether he has sex with someone else. If he finds someone else, we stop the benefits but we're still friends. I may feel bothered that I can't have sex with him anymore, but I am not heartbroken.

Or she is having her cake and eating it while he gets the crumbs. The worst of all worlds, she gets the boyfriend experience without providing any of the support and commitment.

I think that the difference is that when you are in a relationship with someone you don't expect them to meet someone else. Your ex was a liar and a cheat, he wasn't free to seek out and get with someone else but he did. However in a FWB situation, you are both free to meet other people because there's no real commitment, so although cheating does happen in relationships I think it's more likely for a FWB to get with someone else because they weren't ever making a commitment to you in the first place.

When you agree that you are in a relationship. That’s it. Everything else is icing. If you want a relationship then ask. If he says no then you know where you stand. If you want to be in a relationship and he doesn’t then stop seeing him so you can focus your time and energy on pursuing the life you do want.

Exactly, works both ways!

Or one could see it that they both get something they can’t make up for any other way, which is physical connection, a sexual narrative/discussion with the other person, and all the warmth and life-enhancing benefits of that, but keep their lives independent and get on with what they have to do the rest of the time without constraint.

FWB is like slotting into your mix the sexual/physical/sometimes romantic element, alongside other things that you can arrange without the help of another person, such as work, diet, exercise, and whatever else you want to make up your schedule/life. In my humble opinion.

Er… I haven’t been asked that multiple times…?

He says he doesn’t want a relationship with you. So if you want a relationship you’re wasting your time and energy with him. Don’t give him the ‘girlfriend experience’.