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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying "One won't hurt" or "You can have one!" to the designated driver.

58 replies

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 28/12/2025 19:58

Getting so sick of people saying this to me if i'm the designated driver.

I make the choice to be 100% sober if i'm driving, i don't think it's worth the risk if anything DOES happen and i get breathalysed, besides which, i also take a medication that can make the effects of alcohol more intense.

I'm always polite about saying that i don't/won't drink if i'm driving, which is nearly always as i'm the only adult in the house that drives.

Getting so sick of the 'you can have one' lot who try and persuade me to have a glass of wine, or the 'here try this, go on, you can have a bit' or "One won't hurt if you're eating" being constantly said to me.

If you're someone who does this, ffs, stop it, and respect the person has said NO.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChillingWithMySnowmies · 28/12/2025 22:39

RampantIvy · 28/12/2025 20:55

Same here. I think you need better friends.

Show quote history

It isn't friends, its family/extended family. My friends are all of my opinion, but we have all noticed we still have people around us who still believe in the myth of 'one won't hurt'.

OP posts:
AsanteSana · 28/12/2025 22:59

friendofsadgirl · 28/12/2025 20:32

One of the benefits of the almost zero alcohol limit in Scotland has meant that this is very unusual here now, thank goodness. I absolutely hated the justification of others to try to force an alcoholic drink on someone else.

English drink drive limits are, astonishingly, amongst the highest in the world - for now. However, I believe that a consultation is currently underway to reduce it to that of Scotland and will almost certainly become law in 2027 - and that cannot come soon enough as it effectively means that even one drink would be enough to put many people at, or very near, the drink drive limit. We all know that ANY alcohol impairs judgement, slows reaction times and reduces cogniscence, so an effective 'nil' limit might just stop the twats who insist that driving after even just one drink is acceptable or try to pressurise one into the fallacy that "go on, one won't hurt you"

Alpacajigsaw · 28/12/2025 23:01

YANBU

I can’t bear people who try and persuade other people to drink alcohol when they are choosing not to do so, for whatever reason

Papersnowflakes · 28/12/2025 23:17

Totally agree . It's awful behaviour.
And not just when they say it to designated drivers but in general when people turn down alcohol they shouldn't be pressured to change their minds

Saz12 · 28/12/2025 23:21

It's not ok.

I find a "nah, I'm not drinking tonight, but I'd love some ice/slice of lemon" whatever slightly high maintenance but manageable request satisfies the offers need to "be generous" or put themselves out.

JohnTheRevelator · 28/12/2025 23:25

This annoys me too having witnessed it so many times. What particularly irritates me is people saying 'You can have 1 pint beer/one shot spirits/1 glass of wine if you're driving'. One drink will affect people differently. While obe person could drink a pint of beer and still be under the limit for driving,another person could end up over it. It depends on your sex,your build,how much body fat you have and your tolerance to alcohol. It's not a 'One size fits all' rule.

1dayatatime · 28/12/2025 23:32

Thank you so much for this post.

I thought it was just me, when driving I have always had a firm zero alcohol approach. Over the years numerous people have said, one drink will be fine or the alcohol will have worn off by the end of the night etc etc. It always really pissed me off.

MissAvainthesun · 29/12/2025 00:00

100% agree, me and DH have not been bothered about drinking for a while now. We never drink and drive anyway.

We’ve been to three parties so far over the Christmas period and we’ve said no thanks several times but people push it…”oh I’ll do you a shandy instead” “I’ll do you a spritzer” but they free pour it etc. Had a slight fall out with a friends husband who decided to try and give my husband Vodka and Coke…he thought he’d topped it up enough to not taste it but DH is good with taste. He took him to one side and said to him what do you not understand about a simple no thanks, I won’t trust you with drinks again his friend was like oh you’ll mop that up with all the food no problem it’s only a little more than a single shot…DH just poured it down the sink and got his own drink.

Friends wife went ballistic at her husband as he said to her oh my DH is more fun when drunk. We had the kids with us too and we prefer not be drunk in front of them. It’s just odd that there seems to be this air of you can’t have a good time without alcohol. I don’t know if it’s because of more pressure with money and less luxuries being available but just feels that there’s a shift in attitudes. We’ve declined a New Years Party this year as the host wanted to make it a “messy one and let loose after a tough year”.

powershowerforanhour · 29/12/2025 00:17

People who go all Mrs Doyle but with alcohol instead of tea are really really annoying anyway but with drivers it has added infuriating pointlessness. The law aside, either

  • one drink will have absolutely no effect on you in which case what's the point, you might well have had water
-or it will have a physical and/or psychological effect on you, in which case you shouldn't be driving
Friendlygingercat · 29/12/2025 00:52

There was a thread yesterday where a bf tried to bully his gf (who had drunk 2 glasses) to drive and pick up his son. She rightly refused.

I dont drive but I would not accept a lift from someone who had a drink. Id prefer to get a taxi.

RampantIvy · 29/12/2025 05:53

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 28/12/2025 22:39

It isn't friends, its family/extended family. My friends are all of my opinion, but we have all noticed we still have people around us who still believe in the myth of 'one won't hurt'.

Show quote history

My family barely drink, and DH's family are very sensible about drink driving so it isn't an issue for me, thankfully.

TawnyVowel · 29/12/2025 05:57

I think the limit on England should be the same as Scotland (near zero). Although I do wonder if they ever test many Scots in the morning!

Usernamenotfound1 · 29/12/2025 06:08

Alpacajigsaw · 28/12/2025 23:01

YANBU

I can’t bear people who try and persuade other people to drink alcohol when they are choosing not to do so, for whatever reason

This.

i don’t drink.

you’d think I’d announced I’m there to spoil the evening, incapable of having any fun and I am judging everyone’s behaviour hard. Measuring them against polite sober society and finding them wanting.

you only have to look at the elaborate ploys pregnant women need to take to avoid drinking. No one just accepts no. There’s got to be a reason.

it’s weird.

Lurkingandlearning · 29/12/2025 06:20

Try asking why it bothers them that you aren’t drinking. That might give them pause for thought.

If they persist maybe follow up by asking if it’s not a misery liking company thing and they actually have a bit of a problem

echt · 29/12/2025 06:28

TawnyVowel · 29/12/2025 05:57

I think the limit on England should be the same as Scotland (near zero). Although I do wonder if they ever test many Scots in the morning!

I'm in Australia where the limit is the same as Scotland. In addition, some states double the demerit points for a range of offences over the holiday period - alcohol, using a phone, driving without a seatbelt, speeding.

As for being pestered to drink, I used to think this was mythical as I'd never seen it happen or even heard of it in RL. Until about three years ago when a friend kept going on to me about having a "proper" drink on NYE - I'd had only zero ciders said no but she would not stop. I was driving and so was she!! My assumption was she was off-loading guilt about having a few and then getting behind the wheel.

The next day morning test? yes, they do this too - the Booze Bus parked up where it can't be seen and avoided. Though there are apps for that.

Left · 29/12/2025 06:30

So annoying!!

People were like this when I was pregnant too 🙄

And then when I stopped drinking later in life I’d get comments too.

More friends than family in my case though.

WonderingWanda · 29/12/2025 06:35

Luckily family completely accept the no drinking and driving but have absolutely no qualms in trying to force feed me treats when I say I'm trying to watch my weight. They will push and push until I have to be firm, then they will act like wounded foals. People are so weird. My dm in particular. I'm starting to think she actually wants me to be fatter than her.

Rozendantz · 29/12/2025 06:36

It always baffles me why so many people who are drinking alcohol try to persuade others to do the same - why on earth do they care what anyone else drinks?

But especially if they're driving, that's just appalling behavior. My DS is 20, we got him a car at 17, and repeatedly drummed into him that if he's behind the wheel then zero alcohol must be in his blood - and that includes the next day. He's taken it very seriously and refuses to have any at all if he's going to be driving, which is what DH and I do too.

ISeeYouHere · 29/12/2025 06:40

I think as adults of a certain age, we tend to know our limits. Some people will have a glass of something or two shandies or whatever they like and feel fine to drive and so long as they remain under the limit, their decision and that’s completely fine. But people do need to understand that not everyone is the same.

I personally wouldn’t so much as turn on the engine if I’d had anything to drink at all but that’s due to having a responsible job and constantly surviving on not much sleep, it’s just not worth the risk for me of even a tiny lapse in concentration leading to an accident. And certainly not ever worth the risk of hurting someone regardless.

RunMeOver · 29/12/2025 08:13

I do have one when I'm driving, if I'm going to be at the pub / party / dinner / whatever for a few hours, as all or nearly all of it will be metabolised by the time I leave. It's a nice way to help relax and unwind at the beginning of the evening, and harmless given the non-existent effect on me by the time I drive.

But I totally agree with the OP that there's no reason anyone should pressure anyone else to drink, whether the resistance to that pressure has to do with driving, personal preference or anything else. It just shows a ridiculous lack of boundaries and respect for others' autonomy.

I must admit this is pretty foreign to me now. I mix in circles where most people drink in moderation socially, some still like to get properly hammered now and then, and some are tea-total. Some individuals I've seen move clearly from one of these patterns to another either gradually or suddenly. In all cases, if someone's offered a drink the answer is either "yes" or "no" and that's the end of it. We might still like a drink but we're not fucking teenagers applying peer pressure to see who's worthy of being in our gang.

I find the OP's experience pretty old fashioned - I thought most people had moved on from that now.

RampantIvy · 29/12/2025 08:23

@RunMeOver being older with older friends and family no-one I mix with drinks to get hammered either. They drink because they enjoy it, but all know when they have had enough.

RyanFudgingMurphy · 29/12/2025 08:31

Growing up in tne 80s, it seemed the adults had "just one" then hit the pop after that. Now, thank goodness, people in my circle don't have any alcohol at all before driving. There's been a significant shift of culture recently. My DM drove me from my flat and back again on Christmas Day (I don't have a driving licence) and forsook her usual gin cocktail or espresso martini to do so.

The younger adults in our family rarely drink at all, and never drive under the influence of drink (or drugs, for that matter).

Original poster
ChillingWithMySnowmies · 29/12/2025 14:06

RunMeOver · 29/12/2025 08:13

I do have one when I'm driving, if I'm going to be at the pub / party / dinner / whatever for a few hours, as all or nearly all of it will be metabolised by the time I leave. It's a nice way to help relax and unwind at the beginning of the evening, and harmless given the non-existent effect on me by the time I drive.

But I totally agree with the OP that there's no reason anyone should pressure anyone else to drink, whether the resistance to that pressure has to do with driving, personal preference or anything else. It just shows a ridiculous lack of boundaries and respect for others' autonomy.

I must admit this is pretty foreign to me now. I mix in circles where most people drink in moderation socially, some still like to get properly hammered now and then, and some are tea-total. Some individuals I've seen move clearly from one of these patterns to another either gradually or suddenly. In all cases, if someone's offered a drink the answer is either "yes" or "no" and that's the end of it. We might still like a drink but we're not fucking teenagers applying peer pressure to see who's worthy of being in our gang.

I find the OP's experience pretty old fashioned - I thought most people had moved on from that now.

it is old fashioned, i didn't like to mention the age of said drink pushers in case i get raked over for being ageist.

OP posts:
ThisJadeBear · 29/12/2025 14:16

I am completely sober by choice. One of my closest friends doesn’t drink as she’s in recovery. I am often her plus one to events (she has been sober many years) as she finds it easy as I will never have a drink.
We went to an event last year and we tend to be quite blunt - I say I’m driving, my friend says she’s an alcoholic in recovery.
And people say to her that as she’s been sober for so long surely one little drink wouldn’t hurt? These are often intelligent people, and she replies well it will most likely kill me, so no thanks.
I have learned so much about alcohol misuse through her. By the way, she’s brilliant company and really confident but booze really is like a social currency at times.
She saw a new GP recently as she’s not sleeping - we are both menopausal. And the doctor, who was much younger, told her to have a little glass of brandy at bedtime.
It says on her notes she’s an alcoholic. She was really, really lost in it for many years.
When she pointed it out, the doctor suggested that as she hadn’t had a drink for so many years she’d probably not a real alcoholic these days, and a little glass of something at bedtime won’t hurt?

ThePoshUns · 29/12/2025 14:21

YAANBU if im driving i dont drink at all. I would never risk losing my licence or being the cause of an RTC