I reckon there could be relatives of mine who read on here but I’m keen for some advice so decided just to post…
My parents split when I was 4, dad remarried when I was 5, he’d been cheating on mum, it was never made much of a thing, dad has always been with my stepmum. I have three older brothers. Mum was with my stepdad for most of my childhood but they split when I was early 20’s. I’m now late 30’s.
Growing up, my parents were civil, dad always wanted to show off his money, while mum had very little, I was never very close to my dad. Mum did everything she could for us and to give us a good childhood. When grandchildren came along, my parents would at times be together at events, mum and stepmum would be friendly - not besties, but civil.
Almost two years ago, I had a gathering with my two kids - jointly for their birthdays, and for my partners family to join us, and my brothers, dad stepmum, mum and her new partner. Dad has moved 5hours away, so he made a trip to ours, got a hotel and came to the gathering. He then left early and text saying “if I’d known your mum was going - I wouldn’t have come along”.. I challenged this and said of course she’d be coming, she’s their Nannie etc. he then replied something childish like “and I am no one”. At this point I spoke to one of my brothers and he then called dad to clarify what the problem was and why he was giving me grief. This is the very strange part, so during their discussion, dad then tells brother, he has thought that our other sibling is not his, and that mum cheated (40 years ago) and that he wants to write to mum and get a dna test done.
Brother then told me all of this and our other brother and he decided to tell our mum. It was all kept quiet from the brother who was in question of being my dads. Also to note, mum vehemently denied this from my dad and it was all thought that dad is doing this because of his unhappiness seeing my mum happy with her partner. The partner is also someone dad knew of from school years…
Fast forward to almost two years now, mum has told my brother, and it was of course upsetting him thinking there is a possibility he is not my dad’s son. She wanted to tell him, to ensure he didn’t find out through anyone else, as times is going by etc. Nobody has pushed forward with having dna test. Mum still denies there is any possibility of him being anyone else’s but has had to explain that yes at 18/19 when with my dad, she had had a fling which was nothing and a mistake.
I did speak to dad soon after this was shared, and I’d suggested to him that he should speak to a counsellor - which he didn’t like and took offence at this suggestion. I also said he’s gone the wrong way about doing this, if he honestly thought this was the case, he needn’t have done this through his children, and could have kept us out of it and spoken to our mum.
I have tried to reach out to my dad over a year ago, to be told that too much hate has been said from me and brother and he didn’t wish to try to talk.
any thoughts, do I just accept this and accept we are now no contact. Two of my brothers barely speak to me or want to know anything about me/my life, this may be through their own stuff they have going on, with kids/family, one is recently divorced. I’m close to eldest brother. He also hasn’t spoken to dad. Stepmum texts his wife though, pleading about how upset dad is.
I have told my children as they are teens and old enough to understand, as we’d normally see their granddad 1-2 times per year, but speak on the phone/FaceTime every so often. They have not have any updates about my children and how they’re doing, GCSE’s etc, nothing. My dad deleted me from Facebook, so I deleted my stepmum - as if dad wants to delete me, he wouldn’t be seeing my social media through hers.
It feels like all our family relationships are just going down the pan.
I think I know the answers, if my dad cared for me he’d make the effort, but he has issue with my mum and me having a close/better relationship with my mum.
Aibu - just get on as you are and leave everyone to it?
Ainbu - you have a right to be upset, here’s some suggestions of what to do/try?
sorry for huge long post…