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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband bu

28 replies

migrainy · 28/12/2025 14:00

My mum borrowed my neck massage thing. I’ve now come down with a bad migraine and my neck and shoulder is so tight and I’ve tried meds which haven’t helped. I really want my neck massager back but husband has the car at work and I’m home with the baby. He drives passed my mums house to get home it’s max a 2 minute detour up a side road. I’ve just asked if he can grab it on the way home and he’s said he’s not really going via my mums so no. I know if I begged and said please etc he would eventually go but I don’t feel I should have too. If I knew someone was at home not well and I could help I would. Am I asking too much. I know my mum would drop it over but she’s busy and would be coming out her way where as he isn’t.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 14:02

From what you've said he doesn't sound very caring - why does he think two minutes is going out of his way? Is he travelling a different way home, does he have somewhere else to go before he gets home? I might mention to him that the neck massager would help with your symptoms and that if you don't have it then you'll probably have to go to bed, so that means he'll be looking after the baby by himself tonight... not that you should have to resort to saying it in the first place.

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2025 14:06

I mean it really depends on whether you told him about the migraine. If he just thinks you want it back now and he had planned to go to a specific shop on the way home or something then he may not have thought anything of it. If he knows you're in pain and this is the one thing that will alleviate it then of course he's BU.

Laura95167 · 28/12/2025 14:12

Tbh i think the mistake you both make is the reference to it being on the way home. Even if it isnt... his wife with a baby needs it because shes uncomfortable.

Unless youve specifically told him how much pain youre in he isnt unreasonable to say oh im not going that way.

But imo the route via your mums is irrelevant. Just say my neck is causing me pain so can you please detour that way regardless

tripleginandtonic · 28/12/2025 14:25

Yabu not to tell him you really need it. Don't be a martyr

JLou08 · 28/12/2025 14:52

No, you're not asking too much. Well unless your DM is the type who will insist he stays for a drink or would be roping him into doing jobs around the house for her.
Just tell him you're in a lot of pain and need him to get it.

Original poster
migrainy · 28/12/2025 15:19

I’ve told him I’m in pain we went out early this morning to the pharmacy to
get our prescriptions and I asked the pharmacy for some Triptans for my migraine. I also told him last night how bad it was as I felt nauseous and asked him to pass me some pain meds from his bedside draw

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2025 15:22

He doesn't sound very kind!

I do think you need to explicitly say you need it though.

usedtobeaylis · 28/12/2025 15:23

Tell him to stop being a dick and pick it up.

Createausername1970 · 28/12/2025 15:24

He is an idiot.

This will mean it takes longer to recover and he will be in charge of dinner and bedtime for the baby etc.

Dozer · 28/12/2025 15:26

Yes he’s being U

purplecorkheart · 28/12/2025 15:30

Wow how horrible of him. A few minutes out of his route to make his wife day much more pain free. Is he annoyed at your Mom for not returning an item she borrowed. I strongly suggest you do not lend out items like this as clearly you can not rely on your husband to collect or your Mom to return. I would also expect her to make herself less busy to return it if you are in such pain.

Nopersbro · 28/12/2025 15:30

Tell him to either pick your neck massager up from your mum's or buy you a new one (give him the specific model info so he can't mess up), his choice.

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 15:32

Well that update makes things clearer and would have been good to know at the start. Clearly he is BU given that you had to go to the pharmacy - I don't know why you should have to plead - maybe just embarrass him by suggesting you are going to call your mum.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/12/2025 15:38

Does he even like you?

Luckyingame · 28/12/2025 15:43

Let your mother bring it back.
Presumably retired?
Husband the only provider for three people at the moment?

Losingitalloveragain · 28/12/2025 15:45

What a cunt. I hope he gets it for you.

Beezz · 28/12/2025 15:47

Why can’t your mum bring it over?

Vodkamartini3olives · 28/12/2025 15:48

Your mum borrowed it and she should be the one to bring it back to you.

TTCbabynumber22025 · 28/12/2025 15:48

No, you shouldn’t have to beg and plead for him to get it and that is a separate discussion to have at another time when you feel better.

For today though, if the neck massager will help I’d be saying whatever I needed to for him to pick it up.

redskydelight · 28/12/2025 15:54

How did you word your request? If you'd worded it like you've put it on here, it doesn't sound remotely urgent.

Have you explicitly said you need it to help with your migraine and could he please pick it up for you (distance irrelevant)?

Come to that why have you not asked your mum to bring it round straight away rather than waiting until your husband finishes work?

Communicate clearly what you want, rather than expecting people to mind read.

Anothercoffeex · 28/12/2025 15:54

I suffer with migraines diagnosed with them.
Depends on what migraine i get and how bad, but i understand you i really do.
Your husband as no idea what they are like, and hes being a dick not to help.

BaubleMeTree · 28/12/2025 15:55

The facts are, he knows you have a migraine.
He knows the massager which will help you is at your Mum's.
He could drive home the usual way which would take him within 2 minutes of your Mum's.
He knows you have a migraine and are at home with a baby.

Why do you have to beg and plead? Why does he not care enough to help you in any way he can? Genuinely, ask him why he would want you in pain, suffering. He is meant to love and care for you, this is a massive sign he doesn't. It is sad but true.

Tell him you need the massager and he can pick it up from your Mum's. No begging, no pleading. If he says no ask why he doesn't seem to care about you. Don't avoid that conversation because it needs to be had.

usedtobeaylis · 28/12/2025 16:01

Luckyingame · 28/12/2025 15:43

Let your mother bring it back.
Presumably retired?
Husband the only provider for three people at the moment?

Irrelevant. For fuck sake. She's at home with a baby and a migraine.

usedtobeaylis · 28/12/2025 16:04

Sometimes I don't know what the hell I'm reading on this place. Why does it need to be urgent and why does it need to be conveyed in a super special way that boys need to be able to understand? Why does it matter that he's been at work? His wife who is at home with his baby has requested that he picks up something that she needs from a house that is on his way home. That's it, that's all the pertinent information.

BlueMum16 · 28/12/2025 16:06

You went the pharmacy this morning so why didn't you ask your mum to return it earlier?

Yes DH is being an arse.