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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

BIL

62 replies

LandladyofTheValley · 28/12/2025 10:33

My BIL has been here since 23rd.
In that time, he has done absolutely fuck all.
I've been working solidly at one of the busiest times of year along with DH.
BIL is unemployed and it was effectively "our turn" to host him (seems to be our turn far more than the other 3 in laws).
He is sleeping on the sofa, but has left his dirty clothes all over my living room.
He did absolutely zero towards the Christmas lunch. Not even a bottle of wine was given. No gifts to us or our Teen DCs.
Has done not one bit of tidying up (I did that on the one day our business was closed on Boxing Day and then spent 7 hours doing important paperwork).
He lives alone so more than capable of cooking.
Had the audacity to bitch at my DD (18) for "not helping your parents enough" when she had just tidied the kitchen and DS had done the laundry. The lazy prick hasn't so much as picked a wet towel off the bathroom floor after himself.
The final two straws- tells me last night whilst pissed that he "wouldn't be able to get away with it at SIL's homes.
Got up this morning and he's clearly been helping himself to food in the night and had also found a bottle of very nice, expensive wine I was saving for my day off when we have a nice meal as we are closed for two days. And a bottle of Bucks Fizz.
DH is a useless prat and it will be left to me to tell it's time to go home. Then I will probably be treated as even more mean by the poxy SIL who all think it's fine for me to deal with him but none of the 3 of them want him at theirs.
Please tell me I'm alone.
And yes I'm about to give DH hell along with DD who is sick of the tosser as well

OP posts:
Jk987 · 28/12/2025 13:42

SwanNecked · 28/12/2025 10:39

But why invite him at all, if he’s this awful?

Exactly!

LandladyofTheValley · 28/12/2025 13:48

liamharha · 28/12/2025 13:19

Out of interest how old is your DD ?

DD is just about to turn 19
She is incredibly forthright and we've instilled having well formed opinions and being honest but not rude.

They are a bit thick socially. Funnily enough one runs a business, one is headhunted regularly and the other is high up in her career. But in terms of dealing with outsiders coming into the family it's almost like it offends them.

DD takes the piss about it a lot, she WhatsApped her best mate when we left the party about how she was four years younger and both were laughing. She knows they are ridiculous.

It's not about marrying down, my family weren't amazing. His are far more well to do than mine ever where. And DH has told them about their rudeness on a number of occasions. They just don't listen.

Most of the time we don't have much to do with them, we don't even invite them to things anymore as they always find an excuse or they're just rude. We don't attend things they host either because DD won't go, DS couldn't care if he does or doesn't, our hours are such we can't drop everything and travel round the country.

His BIL has never been this bad, clearly we weren't aware that he has deteriorated more in terms of common sense.

DH has now woken him up because I pointed out the mess and DD told him what he said to her. Apparently he also bitched at DS who shrugged and said "how would you know what me and DD do, you don't live here" . He's very relaxed that one.

DH told him nicking drink is disgusting, he's a lazy prick and it's time to go home today. BIL is packing his stuff up and is off this afternoon.
DD and DS are ordering a "celebratory take away" with their money, apparently and they've popped to the supermarket for stuff we've run out of. DD has been given cash to replace the wine by BIL who looks sorry for himself.
DH told him he has taken the piss, is rude and needs to sort his shit out.
He's assured me if the SILs ring, he will tell them it's not down to me.
He won't be coming again. No chance.

OP posts:
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 14:10

LandladyofTheValley · 28/12/2025 13:48

DD is just about to turn 19
She is incredibly forthright and we've instilled having well formed opinions and being honest but not rude.

They are a bit thick socially. Funnily enough one runs a business, one is headhunted regularly and the other is high up in her career. But in terms of dealing with outsiders coming into the family it's almost like it offends them.

DD takes the piss about it a lot, she WhatsApped her best mate when we left the party about how she was four years younger and both were laughing. She knows they are ridiculous.

It's not about marrying down, my family weren't amazing. His are far more well to do than mine ever where. And DH has told them about their rudeness on a number of occasions. They just don't listen.

Most of the time we don't have much to do with them, we don't even invite them to things anymore as they always find an excuse or they're just rude. We don't attend things they host either because DD won't go, DS couldn't care if he does or doesn't, our hours are such we can't drop everything and travel round the country.

His BIL has never been this bad, clearly we weren't aware that he has deteriorated more in terms of common sense.

DH has now woken him up because I pointed out the mess and DD told him what he said to her. Apparently he also bitched at DS who shrugged and said "how would you know what me and DD do, you don't live here" . He's very relaxed that one.

DH told him nicking drink is disgusting, he's a lazy prick and it's time to go home today. BIL is packing his stuff up and is off this afternoon.
DD and DS are ordering a "celebratory take away" with their money, apparently and they've popped to the supermarket for stuff we've run out of. DD has been given cash to replace the wine by BIL who looks sorry for himself.
DH told him he has taken the piss, is rude and needs to sort his shit out.
He's assured me if the SILs ring, he will tell them it's not down to me.
He won't be coming again. No chance.

Answer the phone yourself, tell them it bloody well is down to you, you sent the muggy cunt packing and he won't be welcome back, and while you have them, they are cunts too and if you ever speak to any of them ever again, it will be 1000 years too soon. Goodbye.

Go on, do it. It will feel so good.

Americano75 · 29/12/2025 09:24

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 14:10

Answer the phone yourself, tell them it bloody well is down to you, you sent the muggy cunt packing and he won't be welcome back, and while you have them, they are cunts too and if you ever speak to any of them ever again, it will be 1000 years too soon. Goodbye.

Go on, do it. It will feel so good.

adds 'muggy cunt' to list of favourite insults

Sillyname63 · 30/12/2025 19:42

Lifesd · 28/12/2025 10:44

Tell him to fuck off and not darken your door again OP

This with bells on

Aplstrudl · 30/12/2025 19:58

Did he go home today?

BobbySox71 · 30/12/2025 20:17

LandladyofTheValley · 28/12/2025 10:52

When I realised about the wine, I was making a coffee and went straight to our bedroom and woke DH up.
He's apparently going to tell him today to go home and think before DD and I genuinely cause him bodily pain.
In their defence DD did tell him to fuck off and pointed out she had just finished the kitchen.
I've told DH this is the last bloody time and if he can't go to one of the others tough shit

I actually admire your dd, I usually don’t condone gobby teens swearing but she was right. Especially when she’s pulling her weight

LandladyofTheValley · 30/12/2025 20:24

Aplstrudl · 30/12/2025 19:58

Did he go home today?

He went on Monday so I've had a lovely peaceful day before work!

OP posts:
LandladyofTheValley · 30/12/2025 20:26

BobbySox71 · 30/12/2025 20:17

I actually admire your dd, I usually don’t condone gobby teens swearing but she was right. Especially when she’s pulling her weight

Yes she doesn't usually get away with gobbiness but I think she was close to choosing violence at one point. She isn't lazy, neither is DS, they're actually fantastic considering they're both still in college near exams and DS has voluntary work as well. They both help at home and often on busy nights they'll bring us a plate of food down so we don't starve!

OP posts:
SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 30/12/2025 20:44

He is low life entitled parasite and a bully by thes sound of it.

Dont let him into your home again.

BobbySox71 · 30/12/2025 20:56

LandladyofTheValley · 30/12/2025 20:26

Yes she doesn't usually get away with gobbiness but I think she was close to choosing violence at one point. She isn't lazy, neither is DS, they're actually fantastic considering they're both still in college near exams and DS has voluntary work as well. They both help at home and often on busy nights they'll bring us a plate of food down so we don't starve!

They were brought up right 😊

LemonLeaves · 30/12/2025 21:06

He sounds lovely - not.

Your kids sound great though, especially your DD. Good for her for speaking up and not taking any crap. Enjoy your wine!

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