He forgot to strap her in?

[Browndoor25]

Not once but three times..
first time I can forgive as she was a newborn and we were both new parents and sleep deprived but he’s done it twice this year. On Xmas day he didn’t strap her in, I was already in the car with the dog waiting for them, and we drive five minutes on a 60mph road before she announces she’s not strapped in her car seat. She’s only four. We have been really struggling with communication and I feel like he’s very thoughtless. I have been contemplating divorce and don’t want to overreact to this but I am concerned.

The obvious solution is for the second parent to double check. Do a double tag.

Is he generally thoughtless ?

Did you not realise you had not heard the click when she was supposed to be strapped in ?

He is not thoughtless, he is careless.

Well, I thought you were talking about strapping her into her buggy, which i was like, it happens

This is obvs more dangerous. Maybe hes tired? I have forgotten to strap dd in the car seat a couple of times recently, doing so when I get the beeping - i'm tired though and did that on stressful days

Its not the worst crime on its own, given that he isnt intentionally trying to hurt her, he's just mentally preoccupied. just double check yourself x

When you wrote three times I imagined it to be within 2 weeks or something but then you wrote your daughter is 4 and the first time was as a newborn. So three times in 4 years??!! Take a chill and double check

no, never noticed it making a sound before. It just uses the seat belt. I have 25 different things going through my head at the same time, he had one job.

I’m not here to double check as I have to work. That’s what concerns me the most. That I can’t trust him when I am not here.

I forgot once when my oldest was 4. They just said 'mummy!! Seatbelt!!!', I sorted it and carried on with my life.

I have also done this a few times. Like a pp, the "I don't have my straps on" from the back, a little panic, pull over, strap in. Life goes on

Ok so I’m overreacting in my head. Fine.

Get rid of the dog

I think people are replying the way they are because you mentioned you have been thinking about divorce and it seems very drastic with the information you have given. Is there more to this within your relationship lately as to why you are considering leaving?

I get why you're angry but I think it's indicative of what state your relationship is on that you're so busy carrying the world and he only has a seatbelt ot think about. people get distracted and muscle memory can confuse your brain. you do it so automatically you can't remember doing it but also can't remember not doing it. why else do you want a divorce?

is he careless with her safety in other ways? been increasingly distracted lately? do you feel it was on purpose? how did he react?

how is it the dogs fault? op was in the car
DH got the kid in. he should strap her in.

In isolation, this is not really a big deal. Not ideal obviously, but three times over four years isn't like he's routinely negligent.

Teach your four year old to strap herself in (and to alert you if she isn't before you drive off).

I'm guessing this is part of a much bigger picture though because no-one in a happy, supportive marriage considers divorce because their partner makes a mistake once every 16 months or so.

Needs less distractions

Blimey we’ve both forgotten to do car seat and buggy straps once or twice with each of our 3 children.
Never once have we considered divorcing over it.
It was an accident, they do happen.
Fortunately nothing terrible happened (I did one bump dc3 up the kerb in his buggy and realised quickly that he was not strapped in when he slithered out onto the path. Oops. The older dc found it funny that a grown up had forgotten something so simple. The youngest was understandably livid 🫣😂).

Don’t be stupid

I never forgot to strap mine in or double check these things. He's a bloody idiot who needs to start paying attention.

There’s no logic to divorce over this OP, it wouldn’t make her any safer.

Its easily done and now she's older enough to " pipeup" it's less of an issue. 3 tines in 4+ years doesn't seem excessive.

If she's 4 you can remind her to tell you/ double check. Obviously it's not on her but it's another safeguard. Or get into the habit of always asking her and then checking.

I have done it with my three year old and he was like "seatbelt Mummy!". I also once accidentally locked him in the car (hideous 10 mins) when very pregnant. I wouldn't have thought DH would want to divorce me over that!

Waiting for huge backstory...

I have been contemplating divorce and don’t want to overreact to this but I am concerned.

How's that going to help when he'll be having his DD more and more without you after the divorce?

I mean there's probably other reasons for you wanting to end the marriage, but this one is a non starter really.

But bemused how tbh. Before I start the car I always check everyone strapped in.

He sounds like an idiot. Is he usually so useless/forgetful?

Send him those awful videos of what could happen.

Unfortunately leaving him would just mean that he would continue to do this and you would probably not know.