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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He forgot to strap her in?

49 replies

Browndoor25 · 27/12/2025 23:19

Not once but three times..
first time I can forgive as she was a newborn and we were both new parents and sleep deprived but he’s done it twice this year. On Xmas day he didn’t strap her in, I was already in the car with the dog waiting for them, and we drive five minutes on a 60mph road before she announces she’s not strapped in her car seat. She’s only four. We have been really struggling with communication and I feel like he’s very thoughtless. I have been contemplating divorce and don’t want to overreact to this but I am concerned.

OP posts:
Freshstartyear25 · 28/12/2025 15:09

I’ve forgotten to strap my daughter twice, she was 4 the first time and I remember as I picked her up from school and opened the door so she went in and shut the door, I strapped the baby and packed the buggy away and forgot to go and strap her, I only discovered when we were on the dual carriageway and she started messing around, had to drive into a premier inn and strap her. I was mortified. The other time she was 6 and she reminded me before I started the car. If DH has said he’ll divorce me over this then he’s not worth it, I didn’t set out to forget to strap my child, it was a mistake. Maybe there are other underlying issues with your marriage though.

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 15:10

How can you "forget" to strap a newborn? You are the one putting them in the car!

It's weird to close the car door on a toddler/ pre-school child before putting them in their seat properly, but I guess it happens and the kids put themselves in the seat anyway.

Just tell him to put a reminder on the stirring wheel if he must, it's not that hard.

I have never not even asked my primary school kids "everyone attached" even in somebody else's car, it's a reflex for most of us. But if it's not, just tell him to make himself a reminder

stichguru · 28/12/2025 15:10

3 times in four years
child now old enough to tell you they aren't strapped in
not even an issue

And no-one is going to rule that Dad is a child abuser who needs supervised contact only, so divorce would mean he's alone with the child more...

Unless there's huge backstory here, why would you contemplate divorcing over a non issue that, if anything, will be made worse by divorce...?!

Sleepasaurus · 28/12/2025 15:10

Hankunamatata · 28/12/2025 15:07

But bemused how tbh. Before I start the car I always check everyone strapped in.

Same. Part of putting them in the car and part of pulling away.

Nevernonono · 28/12/2025 15:10

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 28/12/2025 14:59

Needs less distractions

Show quote history

Needs to concentrate, the dogs not the issue.

earshadow · 28/12/2025 15:11

I have forgotten before when my DD was that age. But she told me before I drove off. I now have a car that beeps if someone is. It strapped in.

I get it’s so important, and I am harassed, overwhelmed, tired, working single parent. From the sounds of things he is not under the same stress.

Tpu · 28/12/2025 15:15

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 15:10

How can you "forget" to strap a newborn? You are the one putting them in the car!

It's weird to close the car door on a toddler/ pre-school child before putting them in their seat properly, but I guess it happens and the kids put themselves in the seat anyway.

Just tell him to put a reminder on the stirring wheel if he must, it's not that hard.

I have never not even asked my primary school kids "everyone attached" even in somebody else's car, it's a reflex for most of us. But if it's not, just tell him to make himself a reminder

I’ve forgotten to strap in a new born: once I strapped in the car seat and forgot to strap in the baby. The next time I was super careful to strap the baby into the car seat, but didn’t strap the car seat into the car.

Is there any answer to that question which would be acceptable to you?

Bitzee · 28/12/2025 15:18

3 times in 4 years isn’t like he’s routinely negligent- we are all human and make mistakes and thankfully no harm done since she told you herself. Also my 4YO does his own belt, maybe teach her to do it herself for peace of mind?

NoTouch · 28/12/2025 15:19

I still remember 3 year old ds(now 21!) shouting out in a panic “MUM! I’M NOT SAFE!!!!” when I was driving and he realised I’d not clipped him in 🤦🏻‍♀️

We all get distracted sometimes.

gogomomo2 · 28/12/2025 15:21

I think we have all done it. If it was frequently then yes be annoyed but 3 times is nothing over 4 years

Anothercoffeex · 28/12/2025 15:30

Ive done it more than 4 times i dealt with it and moved on no big deal.
Over the years i cant count the things ive forgot to do or fucked up.

My child is 23 soon no damage done.

MissJoGrant · 28/12/2025 15:32

PlazaAthenee · 28/12/2025 15:03

I never forgot to strap mine in or double check these things. He's a bloody idiot who needs to start paying attention.

Neither you nor the OP know for sure whether you've ever forgotten. Even if you think 'well I'd know at the end of the journey', the truth is you wouldn't for a variety of reasons.

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 15:33

Tpu · 28/12/2025 15:15

I’ve forgotten to strap in a new born: once I strapped in the car seat and forgot to strap in the baby. The next time I was super careful to strap the baby into the car seat, but didn’t strap the car seat into the car.

Is there any answer to that question which would be acceptable to you?

Show quote history

if you think it's acceptable, and easily done, it's up to you. I am not starting an argument about the way you deal with your children.

SwirlingAroundSleep · 28/12/2025 15:34

This has probably happened twice in the 7 years I have been a parent and I am generally pretty paranoid about car safety, but we all make mistakes. 3 times in a row and I’d think he didn’t care, but honestly I think these were 3 unrelated incidents and actually you just don’t like him anymore and are looking for excuses.

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 15:35

MissJoGrant · 28/12/2025 15:32

Neither you nor the OP know for sure whether you've ever forgotten. Even if you think 'well I'd know at the end of the journey', the truth is you wouldn't for a variety of reasons.

Show quote history

If not only you forget to strap a baby, but then you don't even noticed they were not strapped, you REALLY shouldn't be driving at all. What else are you completely "not noticing"? Red lights? One way roads?

MissJoGrant · 28/12/2025 15:46

SereneCoralExpert · 28/12/2025 15:35

If not only you forget to strap a baby, but then you don't even noticed they were not strapped, you REALLY shouldn't be driving at all. What else are you completely "not noticing"? Red lights? One way roads?

Show quote history

That's exactly my point.

Survivingnotthriving24 · 28/12/2025 15:49

The "I was already in the car with the dog" stands out, and it may be me projecting because I've had this argument with my husband, but until you're all ready to walk out the door with shoes on and everything packed, you shouldn't be sitting in the car waiting. I hate when my husband does this, it completely ignores everything I might still have to gather together, the time it will take me to put shoes on, grab the bags that of course only I pack with everything the kids need, and just makes me feel rushed.

Also, 3 slip ups in 4 years isn't the end of the world but there's clearly more to the story if you're considering divorce.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 28/12/2025 15:50

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 23:57

Get rid of the dog

Why?

Perfect28 · 28/12/2025 15:51

You're not overreacting. The parent needs to strap the child in and not trust the child to do it. I would be fuming

CraftyGin · 28/12/2025 16:02

This has to be a joke thread.

LaMelodieduBonheur · 28/12/2025 16:11

Browndoor25 · 27/12/2025 23:33

I’m not here to double check as I have to work. That’s what concerns me the most. That I can’t trust him when I am not here.

Show quote history

In that case, why not teach her that she needs to be strapped in for her own safety, and tell her that if Daddy forgets then it's important for her to remind him the minute he starts the engine (not five miles down the road)? She obviously already knows it is not normal for her not to be strapped in, as she was the one to point it out on this occasion.
Not ideal for a four year old to have to check the parent is doing it right, but it might give you peace of mind.
Not a cause for divorce yet, IMO, but if she were to remind him and he refused and said it didn't matter, then you would need to reconsider your position.

Oioiqueen · 28/12/2025 16:12

Divorcing him isn't really an answer though as then he'd be unsupervised putting your child in the car. You actually need to just communicate with each other.

We are all humans and make mistakes. Your 4 year old should be able to fix her own seat belt or tell you if she isn't secured by now.

PGmicstand · 28/12/2025 16:24

Browndoor25 · 27/12/2025 23:55

Ok so I’m overreacting in my head. Fine.

No you're not.
It doesn't matter if you're tired. It doesn't matter if you have 1001 different things in your head. Making sure a child is strapped into their car seat securely is basic and essential parenting.
If you're the parent putting the child in the car, then it's on you to do so.
When we had small DC we'd check buckles etc were secured and before the engine was started we'd get everyone to check that they were buckled in properly.

Septemberstar6 · 28/12/2025 16:35

In workplaces where 100 per cent accuracy is required, they have an extra person to double check because human error is inevitable. I would say 3 times in 4 years is forgivable. Feel like he must be failing you in other ways if this is bothering you.

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