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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When to take the tree and decor down?

66 replies

EvAdA · 27/12/2025 23:04

DP and I moved in together this year and we have reached our first major disagreement. We put the decor and tree up around the start of December, earlier than he would have liked admittedly. We are done hosting for anything Christmas or New Year related. On Monday we go skiing then to his family for a few days and won't be home again until the 7th. I have work to do on the afternoon of the 7th and all day on the 8th, he is self employed so more flexible.
He believes decor shouldn't come down until after the 6th (epiphany) and we can either do it on the 7th or on the weekend after. I think as we are done hosting and won't even be here we should take them down tomorrow, do a nice deep clean and come back to a fresh home ready to enjoy the New Year. He claims that is fighting his culture and we should leave them up, he put them up early for me etc.

AIBU to want them down before we go?

OP posts:

SuperDuperFuckNuts · 28/12/2025 16:16

I usually like mine down for New Year’s Day, but might leave it up a bit longer this year as the lights are nice. It doesn’t go up until the first weekend of December so still feels like a novelty. I usually have lights and nice candles out for January and fresher greenery.

PuppyMonkey · 28/12/2025 16:28

But he’s not even going to be in your house to celebrate the epiphany? In which case whether your decorations are up or not is completely irrelevant. You can’t leave them up till after January 6th when you’re back from your holiday - that would be illegal.

Snowyowl99 · 28/12/2025 16:30

EsmeSusanOgg · 27/12/2025 23:09

Epiphany is 6th Jan, but decor usually comes down evening before.

Twelfth night 5th January

Original poster

EvAdA · 28/12/2025 16:52

I wonder if it varies more as DP says January 5th/Twelfth night isn’t really a thing to him. In his area (southern Italy) late in the 6th or on the 7th, potentially the first weekend after that is much more common. He say the twelfth night thing is much more British.

OP posts:

BethBynnag86 · 28/12/2025 16:57

The tree will have to come down next Sunday but both our crib scenes will remain out on display until Epiphany.

EsmeSusanOgg · 28/12/2025 17:24

EvAdA · 28/12/2025 16:52

Twelfth Night is very British. But Epiphany is a big deal, especially in predominantly Catholic countries.

sanityisamyth · 28/12/2025 17:24

EsmeSusanOgg · 27/12/2025 23:08

Twelfth night. 5th January.

This.

Topseyt123 · 28/12/2025 17:32

I'll do it on New Year's Day. I won't have time before then as I have to go and visit my mother.

deeahgwitch · 28/12/2025 17:46

I never take them down before Epiphany either.
Outside decorations get taken down on the 7th. Inside on the 7th but can go on to the 8th depending on how busy I am.
I hate decorations / tree put up too early.
The 6th January was a special day in Ireland - Little Christmas / Nollag na mBan - Women’s Christmas.

It has been revived a bit now with women hosting dinner for female friends and relations or women going out for a meal together to celebrate the day.

WinterWooliesBaa · 28/12/2025 17:48

EvAdA · 27/12/2025 23:11

DP is Italian, he says that in Italy or atleast his area very few would take them down before Epiphany which is celebrated in its own right and is a national holiday.

Show quote history

I can see why you'd like to take them down BUT for me, his reason to leave them up is more significant. He compromised £ put them up when you wanted to u think you should agree (cheerfully/willingly) to leave them
uo until it's right for him to take them down.

could he take them down on the 8th while you are working?

Did he willingly help put them up when you wanted them up?

I cannot imagine this causing your first major disagreement🤯

Violetparis · 28/12/2025 17:52

I'm itching to take ours down today but will wait till New Year's Eve. Like house nice and fresh for January.

lobsterkiller · 28/12/2025 18:21

It's important to him, leave it up until 12th night. This really isn't worth it.

I took mine down on boxing day, but I live on my own and I've still lights up.

catgirl1976 · 28/12/2025 18:38

In my heart I’m with your DP and it should be the 6th but in your situation I’d want to come home to an early house.

Ive taken mine down. I never normally do it early but DH and I have separated but are still living together in the short term a
so I don’t feel very festive and also the cats kept trashing it

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 28/12/2025 19:13

Traditionally, people here used to always say it was bad luck to still have Xmas decorations up after 6th January, so YWNBU to want them down before that.

Especially as it sounds like you'll both be away from home for Epiphany, celebrating it with his (Italian) family, so won't be anywhere near the decorations on his traditionally-important day.

If he insists on them staying up while you're away, then he can take them down and do all the deep-cleaning when you're back at work on 7th Jan.

Mabe it'd be worth having a proper conversation about this in advance of next year's festivities...

Binus · 28/12/2025 19:32

He's already compromised, your go.

Delatron · 28/12/2025 19:35

I do understand- I would hate to come back to sad looking decorations to all put away on the 7th/8th Jan if you’re working then.

He won’t even be there to enjoy them.

However, he compromised for you and this appears important to him for cultural reasons so I think you’ll have to let him keep them up.

Though if he’s self employed and has more time he can take them all down.

Next year I wouldn’t put them up so early.

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