Left out of gift giving

[WilCh]

Went to a family’s home for Christmas dinner , I brought some of my own food(I’m vegetarian)
I also bought presents for all the family, they have known me for a few years,
at present exchange time they didn’t give me any sort of gift , I felt so awkward, & none of them even said thankyou for the items I’d bought,AIBU?
to think this was a bit mean?

I agree. Who invites someone to their home for a meal and expects them to pay for it even if with gifts rather than hard cash?

And, yes inviting someone on a day when gift giving is the norm so they can watch the hosts open their gifts is a bit psychopathic.

My home isn’t big enough , plus I helped host last years Christmas Dinner @ my daughter & bf’s home, again I bought them all a gift & I was left out ,
very odd imo

I don't think you're being unreasonable: my son brought a new girlfriend to his Grandma's on Christmas Day ( the first one he has ever introduced to the extended family) and in order to avoid her feeling left out, my Mum gave her a small present which she had actually bought for me, which was the right thing to do in my opinion. It was a generic kind of gift which I won't miss, but that the lass was touched to receive because it was a sign of consideration. My Sis went all out and bought her a specific present.....but that's our family dynamic.

I think it was mean , a pair of fluffy socks & candle from Penney’s would have cost them 5 or 6 euro.
Saying thankyou is basic manner’s !

But if last year it was at your DD and BFs home, why didn’t you have your presents from them to open? Are you expecting individual presents from all the attendees?

But your daughter and her BF presumably gave you a present?

Yes they did when I visited them at their home , I have already explained all this x

But you just said you were left out again then?

People on here are so werid, we had a totally unexpected last minute adition to christmas, DD boyfriend's sister, l went out on christmas eve and got them some token gifts to unwrap so they would be sitting there with nothing.

Blimey ok , my daughter & her bf , gave me gifts BEFORE everyone arrived,
when his family arrived they gave out gifts to my daughter & their son, not me
even though I had gifts for them when they arrived
not sure how else to explain?

I always keep a bottle of wine, a tin of shortbread and a selection box wrapped up and labelled Merry Xmas from CaringCarer and family just in case someone pops in unexpectedly and brings us a gift. This has happened a couple of times so now I'm always prepared. If they knew you were coming I think they are very mean spirited.

I get the feeling that if they had got the OP a small chocolate gift or candle then she would be on here posting about that and reading into it all kinds of inferences as to what it meant they thought of her.

Op - this sounds like a you (confidence) problem . These are people who have invited you into their home at Christmas. They may not do everything the same as you but try to stop judging them for small differences in their social norms. They think this is normal gifting procedure for hosts - so do some other people on this post. As my DD says ‘it’s not that deep’. Try not to overthink this.

Under the circumstances it does sound quite thoughtless. Next time don't buy them anything. Except they will then buy you something and it will be just as awkward. Or you could do what I did which is to ask DD to check the gift situation. We agreed token gifts on the day. Sorted.

Exactly, that’s just a normal thing to do .
No big deal .
You don’t want someone sitting there with nothing to open when everyone has .
It doesn’t have to cost a lot or anything, just something at the same time .

Completely understabd why you felt awkward, I would have! It sounds like they care for you as you were invited. And maybe they thought of their son’s presents to you as from the ‘family’ kind of thing? Or maybe they just didn’t think. I think it would’ve been polite to have got you something eg smellies, candle, socks, chocs. Maybe they realised on the day it was a bit awkward particularly as you’d got them all something and they weren’t expecting that. I’d have definitely felt a bit uncomfortable in your shoes.

OK you have explained that bit. You have not explained why/how it is that NONE of them managed to say Thank You for the presents that you brought for them.

It is strange OP. Once my sis in law's partner's parents came to my in laws for Christmas and we bought them a box of shortbread. I think it is a nice thing to do. But some people are rigid in their thinking and cannot deviate from who they normally buy for - you can already see that with some of the replies on here. If I had invited you to my house, I would certainly have got you a gift but don't definitely take it as them disliking you.

Sigh. So, given that the other people were not the hosts last year, just fellow-guests, why would you expect them to give you a present? Your daughter and her boyfriend were the hosts last year, and they gave you a present/presents. The other guests weren’t expecting to be given presents by a fellow-guest at someone else’s house, so were unprepared, and couldn’t reciprocate as they weren’t at home and didn’t have a spare bottle or box of chocolates to hand.

Yet you seem utterly determined that they’re the bad guys.

They should have thanked you for the gifts, certainly.

But I'm not sure that they are close enough to be exchanging gifts with. I imagine they felt embarrassed.

& JUST WHERE do I say they are the bad guys!?
you seem to be determined to twist my words

Ok I give up , they have known me for at least 3or 4 years

Ok, OP, if you don’t think their behaviour was ‘a bit mean’ as you describe it in your first post, or ‘odd’, as you also say, what exactly is your problem with them? If you don’t in fact think they behaved badly in not giving you presents, why exactly are you posting?

I’ll be honest, you come across on here as incredibly belligerent. Are you like this in person?

If I invite an adult over for the holidays it wouldn’t occur to me to buy them a gift to be honest. I also wouldn’t expect them to be bringing gifts especially for other adults present. I don’t think it’s a matter of like or dislike.

Yes I am that’s probably why they didn’t give me a gift card! Why didn’t I think of that before moaning in here!
I didn’t come in here to be berated at first it was a simple question but some of you seriously need to wind it in!
Gawd are YOU like this in person! You don’t come across as very nice either