Page 2 | Left out of gift giving

WilCh · 2025-12-27T18:49:00+00:00

Went to a family’s home for Christmas dinner , I brought some of my own food(I’m vegetarian) I also bought presents for all the family, they have known me for a few years, at present exchange time they didn’t give me any sort of gift , I felt so awkward, & none of them even said thankyou for the items I’d bought,AIBU? to think this was a bit mean?

Original poster

WilCh · 27/12/2025 22:43

Ok I’m dyslexic and my not be able to write my posts clearly, fyi my daughter & her boyfriend bought me loads of gifts, they’ve been together nearly 10years,
his parents have met me many times

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 27/12/2025 22:54

His family are rude or thoughtless.

LongBreath · 27/12/2025 22:58

WilCh · 27/12/2025 22:15

I was just posting my thoughts but I don’t understand why some of the replies are insinuating that I expected a gift when all I was trying to say was I felt awkward and I wondered if they disliked me , they are my daughters bf parents, & I just hope that it wasn’t a show of dislike that’s all

But if you didn’t expect a gift, why are you posting? And why would you think that people who’d invited you to spend Christmas Day with them disliked you? You got ‘lots of presents’ from your DD and her BF, so you weren’t present less…

Moussell · 27/12/2025 23:00

I would and have bought a gift for anyone visiting for Christmas. It’s odd to leave someone feeling awkward.

Paganpentacle · 27/12/2025 23:01

Yes that’s not nice.
My sister in laws mum spent the day with us…we got her a token gift to open.

youalright · 27/12/2025 23:02

I always buy gifts for everyone who will be visiting for Christmas even if its just a small token gift.

LongBreath · 27/12/2025 23:21

youalright · 27/12/2025 23:02

I always buy gifts for everyone who will be visiting for Christmas even if its just a small token gift.

Sure, but the OP says her daughter and her boyfriend bought her lots of presents, so presumably the boyfriend’s parents thought that covered it?

Original poster

WilCh · 27/12/2025 23:24

I didn’t say I was present less! Fgs!
all I was mentioning was when I visited the parents house with my gifts for all of the family ,they had got gifts for each other

im just saying it felt awkward

there’s no need to make me feel like im acting entitled, i just came on here to share a view not to be accused of being greedy

OP posts:

Original poster

WilCh · 27/12/2025 23:26

The bfs parents had no idea what presents id been given prior to travelling to their house 30 miles away

OP posts:

LongBreath · 28/12/2025 00:22

WilCh · 27/12/2025 23:26

The bfs parents had no idea what presents id been given prior to travelling to their house 30 miles away

But now you’re sounding as if you think you were doing them a favour by going 30 miles to their house for Christmas Day! Which is it? An ordinary instance of hosting where the guest brings a present for the host? Or an entirely different situation where the host gives their guest a present as well as hosting them?

I’m trying to think of times when someone invited me to Christmas in their house. It’s been a while, but I’m fairly sure DH and I brought a present for the hosts (and some of our own food, as we’re vegetarians too). In my eyes they’d done us the favour of offering hospitality. I don’t remember anyone giving us a present. I certainly didn’t expect it.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 28/12/2025 00:28

LongBreath · 28/12/2025 00:22

But now you’re sounding as if you think you were doing them a favour by going 30 miles to their house for Christmas Day! Which is it? An ordinary instance of hosting where the guest brings a present for the host? Or an entirely different situation where the host gives their guest a present as well as hosting them?

I’m trying to think of times when someone invited me to Christmas in their house. It’s been a while, but I’m fairly sure DH and I brought a present for the hosts (and some of our own food, as we’re vegetarians too). In my eyes they’d done us the favour of offering hospitality. I don’t remember anyone giving us a present. I certainly didn’t expect it.

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I would never leave someone out and get them something to open, or do the gift exchange before they arrive.

Eenameenadeeka · 28/12/2025 01:14

WilCh · 27/12/2025 22:43

Ok I’m dyslexic and my not be able to write my posts clearly, fyi my daughter & her boyfriend bought me loads of gifts, they’ve been together nearly 10years,
his parents have met me many times

If your daughter and her boyfriend had gifts for you, it's a shame they didn't give them to you on that day, to save the awkwardness, or for his family to do their gift exchange when you weren't present.
It might have been nice for there to be a small gift like chocolates from the whole family to you, but I wouldn't expect a gift from your daughters boyfriends sisters, nor would I give a gift to my siblings mother in law.

me24x · 28/12/2025 01:37

Extremely rude imo. Defo don’t spend Christmas with them next year or buy any presents!

BastardtheCat · 28/12/2025 07:05

I hear you OP. It isn’t difficult to get an impersonal but thoughtful present for someone who’s spending Christmas day with you (a day that’s based on giving after all!). It’s inclusive and leaving someone out seems deliberate. Thoughtless at best but cruel at the worst. I’m sorry you were treated like that. Did your DD notice? I wouldn’t accept an invitation from them again and again, it’s not about the material goods - it’s the thought.

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 28/12/2025 07:19

Will you not be spending Christmas there next year then OP? Hosting is expensive so I’d assume that was our gift you if we invited you. It’s nice they even included you tbh, a lot of families wouldn’t have.

dammit88 · 28/12/2025 07:23

I can see where you are coming from too. A small gift (candle, handwash, chocolates - doesn't need to be hugely expensive) would have been nice really.

arcticpandas · 28/12/2025 07:28

WilCh · 27/12/2025 21:56

I was NOT feeling entitled, but if someone was visiting me over Christmas I would have got them a token gift, the same thing happened last year too,

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Ofcourse! How rude of them! It's about inclusion- not about what you get. A box of chocolate/soap/candle. There are plenty of generic gifts under 5 £ they could have gotten to make you feel welcome.

Some people don't have any manners and are basically selfabsorbed. So sorry for your experience OP- don't take it personally- it's a them thing- not about you. I hope they were a little bit embarrassed atleast?

arcticpandas · 28/12/2025 07:30

WilCh · 27/12/2025 23:24

I didn’t say I was present less! Fgs!
all I was mentioning was when I visited the parents house with my gifts for all of the family ,they had got gifts for each other

im just saying it felt awkward

there’s no need to make me feel like im acting entitled, i just came on here to share a view not to be accused of being greedy

Ignore. It's not like you were expecting Chanel no 5🙄. I can't fathom how you can exchange gifts and leave one person out.

sorrynotathome · 28/12/2025 07:38

I find it hard to believe that NONE of them managed a single Thank You for the present you bought them. Did they open the presents while you were there? I just can’t picture it. Were they opening other presents as well? Did none of them say thank you for any other presents? Or did they specifically not say thank you just to you?

Moonnstarz · 28/12/2025 08:14

Next time can you ask DD and her bf to give you their gifts with everyone else? Maybe explain to DD it felt awkward during present time.
It also seems a bit strange all these adults opening presents and not acknowledging any of them. Surely you look at the gift and then who it was from and if they are there hold it up and say thanks for this.

Could you offer to host next year and see if they then bring gifts? Don't buy any yourself and if it's raised then you could mention you didn't think the host needed to based on previous years.

hattie43 · 28/12/2025 08:17

I had this the other way around years ago . Was invited to a friends on Christmas afternoon for
tea . I bought a couple of bottles of wine and chocolates, generic stuff , to find that the family didn’t do present opening in the morning but afternoon . I had to sit there really uncomfortable whilst the family each gave me a personal gift . It was excruciating tbh and I felt annoyed my friend hadn’t told me because I could have reciprocated.

FrankSinatraonToast · 28/12/2025 08:41

Charlenedickens · 27/12/2025 18:52

Who are they toyoi? Inviting you forxmas could be very kind and your gifts as a thank you I think wanting them to a!so but you presents maybe a bit much

Your bar is clearly set very low. And I daresay if this happened to you, you'd be pissed off.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2025 09:02

i agree with you op, if I knew someone would be there during the gift opening, I'd have at least brought a token gift

Mydadsbirthday · 28/12/2025 09:15

Yes we always buy for everyone in the house for lunch. It's just good manners. I also have a couple of spares in case I've forgotten something or we have someone extra. YANBU.

How were they with you otherwise OP - polite, welcoming?

Todayisenough · 28/12/2025 09:16

Charlenedickens · 27/12/2025 21:52

I don't think so. If this is a family she's known 2 years and they only invited her as she would be alone, then taking them a gift to say thank you is good manners, expect ing they should also buy you a gift is for me entitled a nd too much

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Nah that’s shit. Inviting some “as their present” is patronising and insulting. I invited a friend who would have been alone otherwise, I gave a thoughtful gift, and they gave nowt, took the gift to open with family on Boxing Day. .