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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners family excluding kids

30 replies

Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 21:55

My partner and I have been together 6 years. We have 4 children in total, two from my previous relationship, one from his and one together. We saw both family’s over Christmas with all 4 children and my family included my partners child in everything, including buying gifts. My partners brother and his partner however, failed to acknowledge my children (apart from the child me and my partner have together). I cannot fathom buying gifts for 2 children, and leaving the other two out. I will add that I know money is tight, but even just a tube of sweets so they felt included would have been nice. Note: this happens every year, and they even refused to invite my two children to their wedding.
AIBU to be frustrated about this?

OP posts:
Chestnutmarenutjob · 26/12/2025 21:57

Nope. That’s really shit of them.

ItsDarkNow · 26/12/2025 22:08

What does your partner say?

murasaki · 26/12/2025 22:14

Well he chose you and your kids, they didn't.

But it's how he responds to this that's important.

awrbc81 · 26/12/2025 22:16

That’s mean, I couldn’t leave two children out either. I wouldn’t expect them to be treated exactly like your DHs children but I just wouldn’t have the heart to not buy them something to open

DeathStare · 26/12/2025 22:18

YABU to keep seeing them - especially at times of year/occasions where this two-tier system will be noticeable to your children. You need to start prioritising the children.

Original poster
Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:22

DeathStare · 26/12/2025 22:18

YABU to keep seeing them - especially at times of year/occasions where this two-tier system will be noticeable to your children. You need to start prioritising the children.

This is difficult now we have a child together. I wouldn’t want their biological sibling going over to visit my partners family and them having to stay home with me. I understand the point you’re making, and maybe I put my foot down next year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:23

awrbc81 · 26/12/2025 22:16

That’s mean, I couldn’t leave two children out either. I wouldn’t expect them to be treated exactly like your DHs children but I just wouldn’t have the heart to not buy them something to open

Yes exactly my thoughts. The first few years I didn’t think much of it, since we were new to the family. Just feels a little mean now we live together, have a child together etc

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

Christmasfree · 26/12/2025 22:25

44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

It is sad, but agree with this.

Your husband could speak with his family and he could buy something for them to ensure they all get a gift?

PollyBell · 26/12/2025 22:25

In an ideal world no children on the planet would be left out of anything, real life is not ideal you blended a family they didn't, you can think it is unfair all you want but you both chose this life for the children

Original poster
Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:29

44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

I don’t think they are ‘random kids’ to them when we have been together so long and see them all the time. I could just never to that to a child, so it’s upsetting to see it done to your own. I’m not expecting a bag of gifts, just some acknowledgment.
note: they are also part of a blended family, and we don’t exclude any of their children

OP posts:
socks1107 · 26/12/2025 22:32

We don’t even get invited to the Boxing Day family party because my two aren’t family. They can’t even be in the same room on a special day once a year.
yanbu it absolute sucks and I’d never leave two children out. Families come in all different ways and never chosen by a child

Original poster
Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:33

socks1107 · 26/12/2025 22:32

We don’t even get invited to the Boxing Day family party because my two aren’t family. They can’t even be in the same room on a special day once a year.
yanbu it absolute sucks and I’d never leave two children out. Families come in all different ways and never chosen by a child

This is so sad, I’m sorry this is your situation but sounds like they are better off not being there anyway!

OP posts:
ItsDarkNow · 26/12/2025 22:34

What does your dp say or do @Booklvr21 ?

Original poster
Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:35

ItsDarkNow · 26/12/2025 22:34

What does your dp say or do @Booklvr21 ?

Whilst he knows my thoughts on it and says he agrees, he’s never really had a conversation with his brother about it (apart from when they were excluded from the wedding). I don’t think he fully appreciates that the children will notice or how upsetting it can be, as his child is always including by every family member of mine.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 26/12/2025 22:40

They are not ‘random children’ they are as much family as any in-law is.

My sister’s boyfriend is not related to me by blood or marriage but they’ve been together for several years, so if he’s likely to be around at Christmas I buy him a token present.

You have a joint child so your children are half-siblings of their niece/nephew. That relationship will remain even if you & DP split up. DP’s relatives are rude & unkind. And I hope you don’t buy them any gifts seeing as how you are not related.

TheTwitcher11 · 26/12/2025 22:40

44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

they aren’t ‘random’ that’s quite an insulting word to use

Missj25 · 26/12/2025 22:46

Booklvr21 · 26/12/2025 22:29

I don’t think they are ‘random kids’ to them when we have been together so long and see them all the time. I could just never to that to a child, so it’s upsetting to see it done to your own. I’m not expecting a bag of gifts, just some acknowledgment.
note: they are also part of a blended family, and we don’t exclude any of their children

Show quote history

They’re grown ass adults, & this is how they treat 2 children, 2 children with 2 children’s little brains. They reject them , they’re shitty people, & I don’t care what posts go up here explaining away why they carry on appallingly towards 2 kids !!!
They didn’t ask them to their wedding ffs !
Well OP I wouldn’t want the likes of them around my lovely children in a million gazillion years ..

ItsDarkNow · 26/12/2025 22:48

So your dp has zero interest in taking a stand on behalf of your children.

Thehop · 26/12/2025 22:51

This is so so sad for your two. I'm so sorry.

I remember once telling my MIL how much I appreciated her treating my kids the same as her grandchild (I'm on my second marriage and her sons first child with me was his first but I had children before I met him) she said "they're not just your children they're my granddaughters brothers. They're family! "

id honestly stay away next year, and have your husband take his to visit after Christmas. Your kids deserve better than to feel like second class citizens

Thewovenform98 · 26/12/2025 22:55

44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

Who says?

I completely disagree with this! You can’t separate out a mother from their dc! If the family welcome op in to their family, as is the usual expectation, then they should welcome her dc too. You can’t just behave like these two dc do not exist, or treat them differently.

Also, imho, mature adults should support other family members and their relationships where possible and be sensitive to any rivalries or feelings of exclusion that could potentially be felt by children.

Silverbirchleaf · 26/12/2025 22:58

Regarding the wedding, I guess that depends on how long you’d been together at the time. If you were still ‘girlfriend’ territory’, then fair enough not to invite your kids.

However, if the children are known to the family, and now you’ve been together six years, its different. If they don’t have A lot of money , they could get 4 x£5 presents, rather than 2x £10 presents for the children.

Cyclebabble · 26/12/2025 23:24

I think I would certainly have got your first DCs a present. I would always invite them, I would always be inclusive and kind. However, I do not think ithe present would be as big as the one I would get for my own DGC. Your existing children will also receive presents from their DF and his family I presume which your joint DC will not? I understand that you want your original DCs treated the same as the joint DC by DH's parents, but they are not the same. Similarly I would not treat your original DCs the same in my will.

IreneFromSkibbereen · 26/12/2025 23:42

I’ve never understood this attitude -excluding children in the family simply because you don’t share a ‘blood’ (genetic) relationship with them. Horrible and cruel.

IreneFromSkibbereen · 26/12/2025 23:52

44PumpLane · 26/12/2025 22:23

It's difficult because from a personal perspective I couldn't leave 2 kids out and include only 2 kids, but at the same time you are talking about 2 random kids that have nothing to do with them, they aren't related to your two and so there isn't really any obligation to include them.

Your partner may have taken on your two and blended the families, but his family aren't obliged to and it's your responsibility to manage that from your end.

“2 random kids that have nothing to do with them”.

Blimey that’s harsh. So we are only ‘obliged’ to care about people who are blood relatives? Good job not everyone thinks like that.