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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Visiting family dramas..

63 replies

Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:08

We were supposed to visit MIL house today for Boxing Day we usually have another Christmas Day and the whole family comes together. BIL and his girlfriend got a dog couple of months ago and they bring him everywhere with them so DH told MIL just to let BIL know that DS is allergic to the dog and to leave him at home Boxing Day. She knows this as she has gave DS piriton on two occasions. She didn’t tell them as she hates being confrontational and we were nearly on our way.

So today got cancelled and now it almost feels like we were overacting as we’ve been told that the dog is hypo-allergenic so it’s not possible. We have a dog ourselves but we don’t bring him everywhere with us. Everytime DS comes into contact with the dog his nose keeps running and he keeps sneezing and his eyes swell up for 2-3 days.

Are we being unreasonable? Why on earth would I bring my son into an environment when I know he is then going to be miserable for the next however many days.

OP posts:

myhaggisblewup · 27/12/2025 08:53

Whatever else happens h needs to engage his brain, open his mouth and speak words instead of getting others to relay messages.
That would irritate the fuck out of me long before the fucking obligatory dog rocking up.

mamajong · 27/12/2025 09:02

I would be suss if someone had a dog but claimed to be allergic to just mine, it just seems hard to believe esp if its a non shedding breed.

It comes across a little like you just dont want them to bring their dog, are there other issues with it or BiL? Seems odd your DH doesnt just speak directly to his brother?

PollyBell · 27/12/2025 09:05

What is a hypo-allergenic animal?

tilypu · 27/12/2025 09:12

DidIForgetPEAgain · 27/12/2025 08:44

Wild to give a child medication to appease someone that can’t go somewhere without the dog.

That's certainly not why I suggested anti-histamines.

I suggested them because it would allow the family to spend Christmas together without all the potentially unnecessary drama. Do feel free to create hyperbolic narratives though, it does add a certain something to a thread.

tilypu · 27/12/2025 09:14

PollyBell · 27/12/2025 09:05

What is a hypo-allergenic animal?

It's an animal that people are less likely to have an allergic reaction to.

Like hypo-allergenic earrings. I can't wear most of them, as I still react to them - but more people can use them than non hypo-allergenic ones.

BookArt55 · 27/12/2025 09:19

Husband should have spoken directly to his brother.
A 3 year old shouldn't have to take medication and/or struggle with an allergic reaction to appease anyone.
Allergic reactions can be mild one day, but then can be very serious another day.... believe me, I have a 3 year old with 16 allergies, and a son with 2.
Next time, share that you would love to attend, but can't as the dog will be there. You take a proactive step to protect your son.
I think you MIL tried to please everyone and doesn't see the effect it has on your son. It's one thing for an adult to choose to put themselves in that situation, but a 3 year old isn't able to have the understanding or communication to share how they feel.
Also, try different brands of antihistamine. Ceitrizine works far better for my two! Try to see.

CocoQueen2024 · 27/12/2025 09:23

I used to be highly allergic to my friends St Bernard. My asthma would flare up. Yet I owned a whippet and had no allergies at all.

OneTipsyDreamer · 27/12/2025 09:40

You and your husband created the drama for yourselves by not speaking to the brother directly. Why should the mum have to do it for you and now you’ve ruined her day of hosting and having all her family together.

moose62 · 27/12/2025 09:50

Is the dog a puppy. I bought a 'hypo allergenic' dog and my son was immediately allergic to it. I spoke to the vet who said it is usually puppy dander that causes a reaction and at about 8 months when the dog has its adult coat the reaction might dissappear.
The reaction did dissappear and we kept the dog.

PullTheBricksDown · 27/12/2025 10:08

Saying 'tell them not to bring the dog' was also not great - at least phrase it as a request. Your husband's communication was poor here and this is the outcome

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 27/12/2025 10:42

DeathStare · 26/12/2025 21:24

I dont get it. If your DS is OK living with your dog why can't he be around BIL's dog?

Did the piriton help when MIL gave it to him?

Ive always had cats, no allergies. However was allergic to dsis's cat. I think(but happy to be corrected,) you can get acclimatised to the animal you live with.

bigboykitty · 27/12/2025 10:44

NoisyViewer · 26/12/2025 21:28

What dog do you have? Tbh from their perspective it’s not going to seem plausible he’s allergic to their dog & not your own especially if theirs is a non shedding dog. Could something else be causing his allergies? Has MIL changed cleaning products. Does BIL using a spray on the dog that may be causing it.

Only if they're really stupid or ill-informed. It's perfectly possible to be allergic to some dogs and not others.

Schoolchoicesucks · 27/12/2025 10:47

This is on your DH for not talking to his own brother and expecting his mum to sort it out. He's the one you should be annoyed at rather than making it your MIL'S fault.

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