Visiting family dramas..

[Notaperfectmom]

We were supposed to visit MIL house today for Boxing Day we usually have another Christmas Day and the whole family comes together. BIL and his girlfriend got a dog couple of months ago and they bring him everywhere with them so DH told MIL just to let BIL know that DS is allergic to the dog and to leave him at home Boxing Day. She knows this as she has gave DS piriton on two occasions. She didn’t tell them as she hates being confrontational and we were nearly on our way.

So today got cancelled and now it almost feels like we were overacting as we’ve been told that the dog is hypo-allergenic so it’s not possible. We have a dog ourselves but we don’t bring him everywhere with us. Everytime DS comes into contact with the dog his nose keeps running and he keeps sneezing and his eyes swell up for 2-3 days.

Are we being unreasonable? Why on earth would I bring my son into an environment when I know he is then going to be miserable for the next however many days.

Personally because he has been in contact with the dog a couple of times in the last couple of months.

People visit relatives when it's not just Christmas.

the two occasions he has been at MIL’s the dog has been there DS has come back a mess. Whenever we go there and the dog isn’t there he is fine. It has to be the dog??

Thank you

I don't think you really get to dictate who's invited or not allowed to someone else's house. You can say you don't like it and choose not to go, as you've done.

Why was it cancelled? I'm assuming nil refused to come without the dog and mil cancelled the whole thing?

I think dh is in the wrong for telling mil what should happen in her own house. Fine to say 'ds allergic to dog so we can't come if bil dog there' then let mil decide what to do.

Why are they bringing their dog over anyway? When did people become incapable of leaving a dog alone for a few hours? This didn't used to be a thing.

I had given up trying to understand how that works.

This is what me and DH have said bizzare! Never known anything like it.

Am allergic to cats and dogs and spent my whole life living with one or another and being fine after a couple of weeks. Sometimes we are lucky to build up own natural defence which may explain OP's son being ok with the dog he lives with.

But, I don't understand why dogs have to go too. Growing up with a dog mad mum, she always made sure that either someone was at home to walk and feed at some stage if out for hours or she only went out for a few hours to go back herself.. I am also like this with my cat, I only go out for a few hours at a time as she's too nervous of strangers to have anyone come into the house for feeding. We adjust our plans, not expect pet to come too.

I love dogs but I am bemused that some people won’t even consider leaving their dog for a couple of hours . I have one friend who will only go to certain cafes if we meet for coffee as she always has her dog with her and a couple that DH and I sometimes meet for a drink insist on going to a pub where they can take their 2 ( yappy) dogs.
Strange.

the two occasions he has been at MIL’s the dog has been there DS has come back a mess. Whenever we go there and the dog isn’t there he is fine. It has to be the dog??

Are you sure it's the dog?

What breed do you have and what do they have?

I only ask because for about 4 years I thought I was highly allergic to my uncles dog. Was very weird as I'm not allergic to other dogs yet everytime I was around them I sneezed and wheezed constantly.

Only when we went to a funeral and the dog was left in kennels did I realise I was actually allergic to my uncles aftershave.

Na. If you have a dog then refusing to attend Christmas dinner where there was another dog isn’t remotely plausible.

Clearly you didn’t want to go and this was an excuse.

And while I get the notion that he might have some reaction to a different dog (I’ve been there with other people’s cats vs my own), it’s not going to be a severe reaction otherwise you would never have risked having a dog yourselves.

you’re entirely unreasonable.

I have a chihuahua x

I am allergic to dog, cats, horses ferrets and any other animals with fur; even hamsters! But if im around a particular animal constantly (and taking antihistamines and ventolin and don't touch my eyes) after about 6 weeks I sort of get immune to that particular animal. Otherwise I'm coughing, sneezing and my eyes are steaming and itchy and have been swollen almost shut before. My middle son is the same. So I totally get why ops son is fine with their own dog

I have a chihuahua

And what do they have ?

It really isn’t. Different dogs have different coats/dander. I am highly allergic to terriers labradors, retrievers and lots of others… and yet have no issues at all with the cocker spaniel we own!

Antihistamines only dampen the reaction depending on how bad the allergy is. They also generally take time to build up. People with hay fever are advised to start antihistamines before hay fever season starts.

Allergies in young people often get worse with each exposure.

I love dogs, we have 2 (I’m also allergic but double dosing Claritin daily just about works for me), but I don’t understand why other people take them everywhere. They’re far happier at home than in someone else’s house with far too much going on.

If you have a witnessed your son become reactive to their dog twice already you and your husband should have been more proactive in speaking to his brother to make sure they understood that and to ask nicely for them not to bring the dog.

You went wrong here by just casually passing the message through the grapevine and expecting a certain result.

My DD is allergic to all animal dander. My Aunt has many cats and dogs in her house and when we visit my DD takes an antihistamine. We however have two cats and DD not allergic but strangely enough when they come home from the cattery she gets an allergic reaction.

* They also generally take time to build up. People with hay fever are advised to start antihistamines before hay fever season starts.*

Totally agree that before is better. Which is why I took my antihistamine before I went to my daughter's. They definitely don't work as well if they are taken during an allergic reaction - which may explain why the piriton wasn't effective.

Everyone is being unreasonable here. Your dh should have spoken to his db directly not via the poor dm who would've felt awkward, the db should leave his dog at home.
We have a dog and no way does it come visiting people with us.

Has Granny got a cat?
Is her house full of thick carpets, curtains, feather stuffed cushions?
My guess is that there is another allergen at her house.
Either way, the dog should stay at home

Also not sure allergic is the right word here. As you actually have a dog he's maybe just a bit sensitive to some dog fluff more than others.

You approached it wrongly. Your husband should have talked to his brother and explained it to them nicely and patiently in advance.

by the way were you going to bring your dog or leave at home?

Wild to give a child medication to appease someone that can’t go somewhere without the dog.