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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner and adult children conflict

50 replies

Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 20:37

Long post so I’ll try to cut it down..,

Adult children aged 23 (daughter) and 25 (son). Daughter lives away at uni over 100 miles away. Son lives in my home with a part time job hoping to go full time soon. I live mostly with my partner(not their dad. Their dad is a homeless alcoholic so basically I’m a single parent). When daughter is home she tries to be independent but often asks for lifts, which I don’t mind as I don’t see her very often. She has asked to be picked up tomorrow from my sisters 25 miles away and my partner is kicking off about it, saying I’m just a taxi service for when she is home. He has just gone to bed in a strop. I know deep down he worries about me (I have worked all over Xmas and not really had a break) but he doesn’t verbalise it very well. He just goes silent on me, had a blow up at me when I asked for a good night kiss and took himself off to bed.

I try my best to please everyone. I just feel like crying.

OP posts:
confused57 · 26/12/2025 20:43

Not a good boyfriend…

climbintheback · 26/12/2025 20:46

Partners come and go kids are forever

Newyearawaits · 26/12/2025 20:46

You are a loving, supportive parent OP.
Don't let your partner complicate things.

LeavesOnTrees · 26/12/2025 20:47

Does he pull his weight at home, as I'm wondering why you have worked all Christmas and not had a break ?

He doesn't sound nice at all. If he was concerned couldn't he have offered to pick up your DD ?

Catza · 26/12/2025 20:53

I know deep down he worries about me

It's so deep down that it's kinda hard to see. If he was really worried about you, he wouldn't add to you already feeling run down by being an arse. If he was really worried, he would comfort you, give you a kiss, tell you not to worry about a thing and he will pick her up so that you can have an early night.

NoisyViewer · 26/12/2025 20:59

You’re making excuses for him. Expressing concern is just that. Going to bed in a mood & shouting at you isn’t showing concern. I suggest he’s jealous of what you do for your kids & that needs you stepping up & telling him to like it or lump it

IwishIcouldconfess · 26/12/2025 21:00

Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 20:37

Long post so I’ll try to cut it down..,

Adult children aged 23 (daughter) and 25 (son). Daughter lives away at uni over 100 miles away. Son lives in my home with a part time job hoping to go full time soon. I live mostly with my partner(not their dad. Their dad is a homeless alcoholic so basically I’m a single parent). When daughter is home she tries to be independent but often asks for lifts, which I don’t mind as I don’t see her very often. She has asked to be picked up tomorrow from my sisters 25 miles away and my partner is kicking off about it, saying I’m just a taxi service for when she is home. He has just gone to bed in a strop. I know deep down he worries about me (I have worked all over Xmas and not really had a break) but he doesn’t verbalise it very well. He just goes silent on me, had a blow up at me when I asked for a good night kiss and took himself off to bed.

I try my best to please everyone. I just feel like crying.

Raise your bar op

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 21:02

You don't kick off at someone if you are concerned for them - you don't go off in a strop, give you the silent and then blow up at you when you ask them for a kiss goodnight. None of that is concern. It's self-centred ego. Please don't make excuses for him. He's treating you like something on his shoe.

lovemetomybones · 26/12/2025 21:03

You are a mum first, picking your child up is part of it. You already said she doesn’t abuse this. You have a partner problem. And if he cared about you he would not blow up for a kiss. It’s verbal abuse.

Original poster
Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 21:03

LeavesOnTrees · 26/12/2025 20:47

Does he pull his weight at home, as I'm wondering why you have worked all Christmas and not had a break ?

He doesn't sound nice at all. If he was concerned couldn't he have offered to pick up your DD ?

The job I do means I was scheduled to work Boxing Day, and on Xmas day we volunteered at a free Xmas lunch for elderly and lonely. He has been off work for 6 months with a prolapsed disc but due to go back hopefully end of Jan.

OP posts:
Sweetnessandbite · 26/12/2025 21:05

Dear Op, sorry, agree with PPs. Please collect your daughter and don't let his strops interfere with her coming home and you spending time with her.

If he causes any drama to get the attention back on him, please ignore it and either he can go out or you and your kids go somewhere nice and leave him to it

Silverbirchleaf · 26/12/2025 21:06

My dh collected my 25 year old son from the station, 40 minutes drive away. It’s what parents do. Regarding lifts at home, that’s fine. You say she asks, and not demands.

Your say do ‘mostly ’ stays at yours. It’s not his home then. He can go to his home if he’s not happy.

Please don’t say you wait on him hand and foot. .

firstofallimadelight · 26/12/2025 21:09

If he was really worried about you he wouldn’t add to your stress by being an arse and making you feel guilty

Silverbirchleaf · 26/12/2025 21:09

Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 21:03

The job I do means I was scheduled to work Boxing Day, and on Xmas day we volunteered at a free Xmas lunch for elderly and lonely. He has been off work for 6 months with a prolapsed disc but due to go back hopefully end of Jan.

Show quote history

I know he has had a prolapsed disc, but I sort of guessed he wasn’t working.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2025 21:10

Kids always come before a boyfriend, no matter what age. My dad was still picking me up from a night out with friends when I visited the area until the month he went into hospital and sadly later died. No way would he have let me get a taxi, or my friends. They always affectionately referred to him as ‘roy’s taxi’s’. I’ll always pick my kids up too if I can. They don’t take the P. I want to see them home safely, as my late dad did with me too, no matter what age I was.

rogueone · 26/12/2025 21:10

Jesus ! An ex of mine used to get shitty when I did things for my adult children, lifts etc. I was always happy to do that for them - I found it really odd as why wouldn’t I. I remember he got upset that I made my 18yr old and his friend breakfast. Any partner who goes into a strop and trying to turn you against helping your kids isn’t a keeper I am afraid. They already have a father who is an alcoholic they don’t need another male in there life who doesn’t think there mother should help them. He is jealous of your relationship - my son is home from uni and I do a lot for him as I miss him and want to

Chasingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 21:10

If my DP was concerned about me having worked too much and needing a break - he'd have offered to do taxi service for my DS (not his son) himself, not have a go at me for doing so.

Crunchingleaf · 26/12/2025 21:12

I voted YABU because honestly your partner sounds like he is jealous of your kids so what is point of him.
A partner is supposed to be a positive addition to a person’s life.

AmberSpy · 26/12/2025 21:12

God, imagine how much more peaceful your life would be if you didn't have to worry about a grown man stropping and sulking when he hasn't even been inconvenienced in the slightest. He sounds awful.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 21:13

He’s worried about your stress then makes you stressed???

doesn’t make sense

he sounds immature

Pineapplewaves · 26/12/2025 21:15

How else does he propose your daughter gets home? Did he have plans for you both tomorrow? If he is concerned about you driving he could have offered to go with you, with you both driving one way each or he could have offered to go in your place.

Nearly50omg · 26/12/2025 21:15

Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 21:03

The job I do means I was scheduled to work Boxing Day, and on Xmas day we volunteered at a free Xmas lunch for elderly and lonely. He has been off work for 6 months with a prolapsed disc but due to go back hopefully end of Jan.

Show quote history

And who is paying for all his bills and food etc while he’s off work?

liamharha · 26/12/2025 21:22

Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 20:37

Long post so I’ll try to cut it down..,

Adult children aged 23 (daughter) and 25 (son). Daughter lives away at uni over 100 miles away. Son lives in my home with a part time job hoping to go full time soon. I live mostly with my partner(not their dad. Their dad is a homeless alcoholic so basically I’m a single parent). When daughter is home she tries to be independent but often asks for lifts, which I don’t mind as I don’t see her very often. She has asked to be picked up tomorrow from my sisters 25 miles away and my partner is kicking off about it, saying I’m just a taxi service for when she is home. He has just gone to bed in a strop. I know deep down he worries about me (I have worked all over Xmas and not really had a break) but he doesn’t verbalise it very well. He just goes silent on me, had a blow up at me when I asked for a good night kiss and took himself off to bed.

I try my best to please everyone. I just feel like crying.

He needs to mind his business.
Is it really worrying for your well being or a excuse to cause a wedge between you and your children .
It's your decision not his and your more than capable of managing your relationship with your children.

Original poster
Exasperated1971 · 26/12/2025 21:25

Nearly50omg · 26/12/2025 21:15

And who is paying for all his bills and food etc while he’s off work?

Show quote history

He’s getting sick pay from work. He absolutely hates being off work, he’s very much a hands on type of man. He had back surgery two weeks ago and obviously got to take it easy.

OP posts:
Eyeshadow · 26/12/2025 21:49

She asked for a lift, not a kidney!

He’s being way OTT and I’d tell him to back off.

You are an adult and more than capable of saying yes or no.

This is not him being nice or looking out for you - if it was you’d feel better, not worse.
It especially wouldn’t end in him going silent or blowing up at you.

Hd doesn’t like that the attention is not on him.

When your kids are home you need to go home and let him know that your focus will be 100% on your kids as you don’t see them much and they bring you joy.

Fuck him.
He sounds like a childish twat.