Partner and adult children conflict

[Exasperated1971]

Long post so I’ll try to cut it down..,

Adult children aged 23 (daughter) and 25 (son). Daughter lives away at uni over 100 miles away. Son lives in my home with a part time job hoping to go full time soon. I live mostly with my partner(not their dad. Their dad is a homeless alcoholic so basically I’m a single parent). When daughter is home she tries to be independent but often asks for lifts, which I don’t mind as I don’t see her very often. She has asked to be picked up tomorrow from my sisters 25 miles away and my partner is kicking off about it, saying I’m just a taxi service for when she is home. He has just gone to bed in a strop. I know deep down he worries about me (I have worked all over Xmas and not really had a break) but he doesn’t verbalise it very well. He just goes silent on me, had a blow up at me when I asked for a good night kiss and took himself off to bed.

I try my best to please everyone. I just feel like crying.

He's a dick. Pick up your daughter.

Sounds like he is only concerned about your children taking your attention away from himself.

This isn't a good man op, if he was worried about your stress he would offer to do some of the work for you.

First of all, it's not your job to try and keep everyone happy! I think most women fall into this trap and it's not fair on you. They are all adults and responsible for their own behaviour and feelings - it's not all on you.

If you want to pick up your daughter, then do. If your partner doesn't like it, tough. It's not for him to tell you what you should and shouldn't do when it comes to your children. Make it very clear to him that if he puts you in the position of having to choose, your children come first and it's not even close. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is!

Ha. This isn't about him worrying about you, its about attention on someone else meaning less attention for him. Arsehole.

Wtf?! HE is annoyed that YOU are giving your daughter a lift? You are a grown and can make your own choices, on what planet does he think he should be getting involved?!

How long have you been with the partner? How good is the relationship otherwise? Is this isolated behaviour, in pain post op, or is he a regular arsehole?

I said you were being unreasonable to interpret his actions as concern rather than control.

if he was concerned he would have helped out more over Xmas.

That is actually no distance at all. It's a ideal situation for a good catch up while driving home. I agree with posters who say it's about him controlling what you do and him not wanting you to have the alone time with your DD. Has he previously shown signs of resentment towards her? Does he often withhold affection if you don't do what he wants?

Big red flags. This isn’t a good man, you’ve just mistaken him for one because he’s not a homeless alcoholic.

Kicking off and strops??!!! Don’t allow him to treat you like this, please don’t.

Go back to your own home.

And obviously collect your daughter.

I said YABU because you should have told him to F off. I don't think he's worried about you at all. He's jealous and trying to fracture your strong relationship with your daughter. I would bin him off asap.

He’s jealous of your DD. What Mother wouldn’t drive 25 miles to collect their daughter? Tell him and his prolapsed disc to fuck off if he brings it up again.

Kids come before some man in your life.

Never a truer word was spoken.

Unless you spend lots of time moaning to your partner about giving your dd lifts, then what exactly is he kicking off about ? My ds is 23, hasn't lived at home since he was 18, moved in 2024 to take up a dream job. My dh (not his dad) did an 800 mile round trip over 2 days to help him move from one location to another, organised storage, drove the van, then did another goodness knows how many hundreds of miles 3 months later when ds secured his own place and was able to get all of his stuff out of storage. He even paid ds first months deposit.
Yes, you had to work, yes he's possibly not able to drive at the moment due to the back surgery, but come on! 25 miles is hardly anything at all and presumably you've arranged it for when you're not too tired. Sounds like a bad case of jealousy against your children.

WTH has it got to do with him?

jealous wee man child!

Show the small jealous minded twat the door.

I honestly couldn’t put up with someone being so ridiculous.

Sorry to concur with everyone else but giving lifts to adult children back from uni is pretty normal family stuff, if he throws a tantrum when you’re just being a normal mum it’s worrying that he will interfere or cause issues with your kids in other ways.

Op, any kind of boyfriend at all isn't better than no boyfriend at all.

This man is jealous of your children and needs to go.

If coming home from your sister’s is fairly straightforward on train and is during daylight hours, then I can see your DP’s point of view, especially if you’re exhausted and he strongly believes you could do with a rest rather than a 50 mile round trip. You could offer the train fare.

If coming home isn’t straight forward, and is when it’s dark or getting dark, then absolutely you should collect your DC. Her safety takes priority over any rest in this instance.

So, you yourself know if he’s being unreasonable or not. And if he is, he needs a stern talking to!

This. Yes.

He sounds pathetic & jealous of your relationship with your children. He’s had you around for 6 months whilst he’s been off work sick - he’s merely afraid of losing his carer & not being the centre of attention.

A moody man baby - I’m surprised you even wanted to kiss him. Put yourself and your children first.

I’m sorry to hear this.

Another man with extremely poor communication skills.

I think you would be fair to ask him to spend a relatively brief period of his time off reading a book on how to best communicate in a relationship.

He's not worried about you he resents your children. Big red flag. They're not very old really and they're behaving totally normally. He will eventually isolate you. Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells?

My DC are all adults now but nobody has ever and will ever come before them. Ever.

Good grief! Why are you putting up with your boyfriend's behaviour? He's trying to control you. His reaction (storming off to bed, refusing a kiss) was childish and manipulative. He's not acting out of concern at all - you're kidding yourself. Time he moved back to his own place full-time. You deserve someone who will treat you better, truly!