Over stimulation or Christmas ruined by overcommercialised, high expectation December?

[Didyoujust]

There are so many posts this year about awful Christmas Days. Arguments. Meltdowns. Short tempers. Dislike of gifts. Dislike and intolerance of others. Making exceptions for teens (they don't have to join in).

Are we misdiagnosing the problem?

December has become the main event. Weeks of activities, experiences, pressure and expectation, mostly driven by adults. We do more and more, expect more and more, and then act surprised when tolerance is gone.

By Christmas Day, many children are not overstimulated. They are tired, just tired and worn out. And many adults are too. Short tempered. Less patient. Less able to meet their children’s needs because their own capacity has already been used up.

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

So when we ask why the joy is missing, it might be worth asking whether we exhausted it ourselves.

Should we re-evaluate and scale back December?

or that's what lazy parents say 😂

Nobody expects their children to just loll around at home, read, draw, watch TV sadly when you see the rate of obesity in this country, that's what too many do. Nothing.

As an aside, one thing to be said for the over-commercialisation of Halloween is that at least it acts as a sort of retail dam holding back the worst commercial excesses of Christmas until 1 November.

I haven’t RTFT but I really agree with you. We had a crap Christmas last year for all the reasons you gave. The kids were overexcited, overstimulated and utterly, utterly exhausted. That’s because December had in itself been a flipping event. We’d gone to every fair, party, Santa experience, etc - along with all the excitement of school, nativity plays etc.

This year I vowed to learn from my mistakes and I scaled everything right back in December. No Santa visits. No unnecessary parties. No stupid Elf. We did still enjoy the season by looking at lights and trees and so on. It’s been like night and day - and so much more joyful. We all actually enjoyed Christmas Day rather than spending it fielding meltdowns and screaming fits.

So true! We went to a theme park on the 2nd of Nov which was still full-pumpkin and it felt very firmly autumnal still. No fake snow to be seen.

Just because it all starts in November doesn’t mean you have to buy into it if you have a mind of your own.

Our tree went up on Saturday with all the old decorations. It will come down just before 12th night. We had a few presents but not over the top. No Christmas fairs or special events just nice food and seeing a few friends. It’s all been very low key and probably the best Christmas I’ve had in a few years.

I’ve purposely only been to Waitrose a few times and stayed out of the shops to stay away from the frenzy because I cannot stand the chaos and excessive waste.

I was having similar thoughts about Easter becoming more commercial. I don't think having one magical time per year (even if some try to stretch it to 2 months) is a good thing. It's probably better to have say 3 or 4 smaller seasonal events throughout the year rather than a build up to a single day. Spread the joy amongst some different things.

I don’t know about this. I’ve had fantastic Christmases in recent years, nowhere near as stressed as my family Christmases when I was a kid.

I remember being totally overwhelmed by Christmas ever year when I was a kid back in the 80s. We didn’t have a huge long build up, but it was the only time I was going to get toys other than my birthday. So if they missed the mark I was hugely disappointed. And even when they weee good (which was most of the time) I was still tired from not sleeping, over fed and over heated. Grown ups were pleased to interact at first but by the time we had had dinner they were tipsy and soporific and not eyeing the washing up with any enthusiasm. Not to mention the nasty single relative or friend who always seemed to be invited.

Things massively improved in the 90s when we were better able to travel for shorter stays, get in ready prepped food, more people got dishwashers and my parents’ generation started hosting and not inviting the relatives and friends who made it all difficult.

I think a lot of people don't go overboard, but maybe it's not as obvious as people who go all out and shout about it?

Dc are primary school age. We didn't do any paid for extras before Christmas, but I still felt fairly exhausted by yesterday with the Christmas school events, buying and wrapping gifts, decorating (never til early Dec), and family visiting. Dc up early on Christmas day left me really tired!

We have panto booked before NY, but otherwise taking the next few days to chill out at home/ go for walks etc. I made sure we have a down day in between doing things so no one gets too tired. Kids haven't been dressed for 2 days now though and feel the need to do something tmrw as I get cabin fever!

Definitely this. It’s also getting harder & harder to avoid it. It’s like a huge intoxication of Christmas stuff from November onwards. The UK seems indoctrinated. Even finding normal food in shops gets tricky: Christmas tree crumpets, anyone? I find it all in poor taste.

The thing is, a few people have said that this is partly down to schools but I remember being in our primary school’s PTA and having a few people suggest that we do a Christmas fair. I said no because our school really did Christmas well (to the point of being a bit relentless) and I had no weekends free between half term and the Christmas holidays.

This stuff is driven by the parents’ demand as much as anything else. If anyone else is doing a thing then they must do it too.

I don't know - Christmas Fair/Nativity/disco, yes, but I could do without Christmas Jumper Day, donating gifts for the kids to wrap for family members in aid of the PTA and a sponsored Reindeer Run (running in antlers) complete with old-school paper sponsorship form.

Schools have always had a ‘list’ of things to do though. It is all of the commercial extras I was thinking about, combined with the pressure on families to do it all.

December (and even November in some cases) has become Christmas.

Christmas is what you make it. We don't have much money so DD got a £30 present and that's it from us and clothes from family. The other children got one similar priced item from their parents. We had a lovely meal together with extended family, no alcohol or chocolate as limited money this year. Went for a walk and played games. Lots of laughter. It was a relaxing Christmas. No arguments, no one over stimulated. The only thing I'd have loved is to have had a glass of wine but as no one was drinking it wasnt important. None of us over eat.

No idea where yoqthere is no pressure, just the pressure you make yourself.

I remember doing Christmas things at school, Nativity, Christmas lunch, school fayre but I think that ability for schools to instantly message parents is a bit of a blessing and a curse. I don't think my mother had anything like the amount of requests as we do.

I actually think YABU. Imo, how people handle Christmas is mostly just an indication of how they handle life generally, but just a little magnified by a special occasion. These husbands who are being lazy, selfish, inconsiderate or abusive didn't suddenly get like that for Christmas. Ditto grumpy, stroppy, uncommunicative, ungrateful teenagers.

But how you handle the run-up to Christmas is well within your control. It's no good waiting for society as a whole to come to the conclusion we need to scale back- that's not going to happen, because influencers mainstream media and companies depend on the whole December juggernaut. Just opt out of the month-long festivities yourself. It's not that hard!

This. Every ad shows happy families and couples laughing around a groaning table. Presents are piled high and there isn't any mess/arguing.

Before internet-enabled smart phones, Christmas shopping would be when the shops started selling Christmas food and tinsel. Add Christmas to Black Friday (which used to be the last Friday of November to coincide with US Thanksgiving, but now starting in early November) and the Christmas season starts a month earlier. It's relentless and pernicious.

Incessant buying and a pressure to conform to the culture of consuming both goods and services in December are being sold as a 'fix' and replacement for the lack of real connections. Which, ironically, suffer because of these in the first place... It's nothing new really, but I agree it is getting worse.

I suppose I was thinking of all the threads on here, about the misery of a stressful Christmas Day, including those where children have been overwhelmed, some linked to mental health or neuro diversity, reflecting that perhaps our intolerance of others is much less just because we are all so tired.

Tiredness created by such a full on December. Yes, we can opt out, (we do and Christmas Day and the days since have been very Christmassy’ and relaxing family time) but do the pressures allow that?

Not really MH or SEND issues (as I said diagnosed SEND excepted), just tired, which means, intolerant, shirt tempered, less social, ungrateful, disappointed.

I have to admit I actually enjoy the run up to Christmas almost as much as Christmas itself. I just set boundaries so I dont get a Christmas tree or decorate until 1st December and DD gets to join in and enjoy Christmas lights for the month, we only go to 1 Christmassy event and at a decent price not something that costs the earth, no Xmas parties with work or friends but I did a lovely wreath making workshop with my colleagues at the end of November that was chilled and fun, also had a couple of relaxed Christmassy gatherings with my closest friends all with babies/yound kids, no constant excessive eating until actual Christmas there's no need, wearing Christmas jumpers to work/DD wearing Christmas jumpers/dresses in December.

Edited to add i also tend to start buying Xmas presents alot earlier (think start of October) so there's no mad rush and I can do it as I go along.

It can be a lot of fun if you dont commit to too much stuff and its a way of fitting in seeing everyone without worrying about cramming it all between Xmas and new year. I feel like new years day is when Christmas is truly over and we are all starting again but in a nice way.

Some schools are far more pushy than others about it. My kids last school pushes Christmas so much from mid November Christmas was ruined by it. It was all about "look at us" events. There current school has a lovely low key run up to it. The kids and staff enjoyed it..

No not buying it, thetr is the word no parents can try it sometime

I think 7 is still so young defo not to old for santa

Me. We’ve done so much in December (and loved every minute of it) and I always make sure the actual day is chilled with no ridiculous expectations like tables that take ages to set with all that decoration and 19 different tables clothes etc when it’s gonna be ruined in 5 mins anyway. We are a simple roast dinner that doesn’t take an age to make and we manage the most chilled Xmas with our kids and other family (kids are 5 and 7 so not exactly known as the chilled ages)