Over stimulation or Christmas ruined by overcommercialised, high expectation December?

[Didyoujust]

There are so many posts this year about awful Christmas Days. Arguments. Meltdowns. Short tempers. Dislike of gifts. Dislike and intolerance of others. Making exceptions for teens (they don't have to join in).

Are we misdiagnosing the problem?

December has become the main event. Weeks of activities, experiences, pressure and expectation, mostly driven by adults. We do more and more, expect more and more, and then act surprised when tolerance is gone.

By Christmas Day, many children are not overstimulated. They are tired, just tired and worn out. And many adults are too. Short tempered. Less patient. Less able to meet their children’s needs because their own capacity has already been used up.

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

So when we ask why the joy is missing, it might be worth asking whether we exhausted it ourselves.

Should we re-evaluate and scale back December?

I think there's an awful lot more pressure now in large part due to social media and influencers, if you don't take part in all the over the top commercialised stuff you end up feeling like you or your kids are missing out. But I think kids would mostly be just as happy with much less, especially if you never start on all the over the top stuff so they don't know any different.

I agree. I actually cried on the phone to my dad on the 23rd about how much I missed Christmas in the 90s. There was probably a school Christmas concert, maybe Santa came to your school party. There were paper decorations and your tree maybe went up mid December. You got a few presents on Christmas Day and you had your dinner and then everyone watched telly. Then leftovers and chilling until January.
It’s hectic now. The pressure to do Christmas days out and activities, arrange visits to Santa and see Christmas markets or whatever. I was hosting a couple of people this year so two days scrubbing the house and preparing.
i haven’t made it out my bed yet today, the last three days I’ve been so exhausted at the end of the day I can’t speak. There hasn’t been a minute of down time. I’m not doing this again. I can’t. I want to remember how utterly tired I am this year and just not do it to myself ever again. I’m going back to the 90s!

I always thought it was primary schools - first one my DC went to was bad with christmas and going into summer hoildays - it was less stressed with second primary though build up to christmas was still there.

Since they got past that stage all been much more relaxed. Two kids home from uni and everyone seems happy and we had a good christmas day.

I personally don't get the boxing day and new year break bit not being festive season that I seen this year all over MN. When I've been in work during that period it's not the normal work place but it goes back to normal very quickly in new year.

I don't think our Decembers are fraught - we tend to enjoy most of it but we're not doing loads of social media shots.

It's so sad. Christmas for me as a child started on Christmas Eve. So much excitement. Why on earth do parents feel the need to do so much in the lead up. Going to see some local lights or a store father Christmas was all I did and all my kids did.

I quite like doing some of the activities during December but then I have young children who I’m usually taking out to soft play etc at the weekend so a Christmas themed event instead isn’t usually any more tiring.

I think while there is sometimes pressure to do various activities people need to take responsibility and not do things if they don’t want to.

I was hosting a couple of people this year so two days scrubbing the house and preparing

WHY would anyone martyr themselves like that and then complain? Why do you need 2 full days? It's ridiculous

And frankly YABU to live in a house that you think is not up to standards for visitors that you need days scrubbing, but good enough for you.

I want my house at its best for ME, who lives in it. Visitors don't care!

we do it because it's... fun? And we enjoy them? God forbid families have great time together.

You get exactly the same ones every year complaining. If anything I think there were fewer "partner bought me a rubbish gift and I spent all year planning his hugely expensive one" threads.

I think SM gives a sense of "everyone else has a wonderful magical Christmas with lovely-tempered children who adore their presents and say 'thank you so much' and everything goes well".
What they don't show is the off camera tantrum because the bouncy ball in the stocking was red rather than pink, the refusal to eat Christmas dinner because they'd eaten a whole box of smarties, the screaming match between the children because one has accidentally-on-purpose opened the other's present, and the opening of Granny's present to say "I don't want this..."
If we all could edit the bad parts of Christmas out, then it would look like a Disney film too.

We manage it by spreading Christmas out. Assuming we're home:
Christmas Day is stockings and presents from people there.
Boxing Day is presents from other people
Then the dc get a present a day until they're back to school (tree presents)

If we're away we basically do our own Christmas Day the day after we're back and work forward as above.

It means we don't get the major high then the flop of it's all over.
They don't get more presents btw; I simply divide the presents between stocking and tree.

We like it; it wouldn't work for everyone though.

That's lovely and your children must live it all . My comment really is aimed the parents whose children are apparently all exhausted and growsy once it actually is Christmas.

I think part of the problem is that we have lost the meaning of Advent. It was meant to be a time of quiet reflection and, while not a time of fasting, wasn’t a time where you would overindulge. Having Christmas events start in mid November - including work and school events - means that by Christmas Day people are bloated, fat and tired.

1. youre only reading the worst of it because people who have nice normal boring Christmases aren’t going to make posts about it.
2. Just because social media is full of that bullshit doesn’t mean you have to participate in it.

I absolutely love Christmas and the whole festive period.

But we never do even half of the stuff that posters on here deem essential. We don't do presents, we don't host (or expect to be hosted), we don't force ourselves along to Christmas markets, or light trails, and don't spend hours decorating or cooking or cleaning.

I'll get shot down for this, but I think the reason so many people have rubbish Christmas Days' is because they build up massively unrealistic expectations in their heads, expect everyone else to conform and then get upset when it doesn't happen.

There was a thread on Christmas Eve about a man who wanted to take 90 minutes out of the day to go to the gym, and going by the responses, you'd think that he'd decided to go to a strip club for 9 hours straight - it was insane.

Christmas can be a funny melancholy time.

I sorted my gifts in November to avoid the stress of a last minute panic. We eat out on Christmas Day to remove another stress. Toys are minimal for our child, and the pile under the tree from Santa is bulked out by consumables that won’t take over our house forever: play doh, craft supplies, fun bubble baths and foams, baking supplies and so on. Our decorations are hand made every year- just simple paper chains, paper lanterns and snowflakes- all things that can be taken down and recycled. We only have one box of Christmas decorations that are kept for each year.

In short we try our best to keep Christmas fairly minimal and as stress free as possible, while still retaining the magic we felt ourselves as children. Despite our efforts there is always an element of stress that’s part and parcel of the season. We eat out but we still like to get nice food and festive snacks in for the Christmas period- the shops were bonkers so I just had to grit my teeth and get through it. We’ve all had a bit of a cold which hasn’t helped things. And no matter how low-key you make it, Christmas is always going to be a bit overwhelming for little kids. We do all the usual stuff through December that builds them up and is guaranteed to make their brains short-circuit eventually: advent calendar, posting a letter to Santa, Santa’s grotto, Christmas movies, nursery Christmas party, a walk round the town’s Christmas lights with a hot chocolate, nursery nativity, baking biscuits for Santa and so on. We do as much as we can in the second half of December and try not to fill the whole month with nothing but Christmas things and what we do is similar to what I remember as a child which wasn’t over the top by any means, but it’s a lot for little people no matter what you do.

When I had a toddler I sewed a patchwork advent calendar. I filled each pocket with a little note of something special to do. Most of the activities were very simple, and often added that morning, and a few were bigger things like a performance, or visiting reindeer. It was a nice way to make the season magical. We started Christmas eve boxes about 8 years ago. The first one had a projector and some snacks in it. Every year since, we've watched a Christmas film on it, and had something for baking and something cosy (waterbottle, fluffy socks etc) and a special decoration for the tree.

Christmas day is very relaxed, we eat anything we want, and not necessarily Christmas dinner. We stopped the Advent activities by the teen years, but still go on a trip to a market each year and enjoy the hotel. We spend time together on Christmas as a little family, and don't see any relatives and that's removed the biggest stress of all. It's just calm and relaxed. I had to assert boundaries there and it caused upset with my narc relative, but our peace is too important to have it trampled over on Christmas.

I feel bombarded by the shops filling up with Christmas things from September and think it's ridiculous. I noticed that so much of it was still on the shelves right before Christmas too, the shops are trying to force it upon us but we don't want it.

Agree, shame for the kids they have no privacy at all its pathetic.
Just because the parents want validation.

Saw this my kids got everything they wanted and more. Im so lucky with my children.
Look at the camera darling this way.
Absolutely desperate its sad.

You need more context? Fine. We all had been unwell before and during the weekend, so my usual pace of cleaning was extremely slow because I was still not feeling well on top of all the extra washing etc because nobody had been available to clean for days! My house is not generally in a state that it needs 2 days cleaning to be habitable cheers. I only moved in at the end of October and my son only finished chemotherapy 2 weeks ago so I’ve barely been in a house that I’ve just moved into so there was a lot of stuff yet unpacked that needed moved and sorted on top of cleaning! Nobody martyred themselves, I did my best in a really difficult situation and I’m not complaining, more explaining why I’m exhausted, in the context of this thread which is about people being overstimulated and tired at Christmas.

I've never done any of the hoopla that is now de rigeur, and never will.

We start Christmas on Christmas Eve. There are no fancy Advent calendars, no panto trips (panto isn't a thing where I live anyway, but we've never been to the Nutcracker, which is popular here). No Elf, no December 1st boxes, no matching pajamas, no Christmas Eve boxes, no wreath making workshops, no visits to Santa. I did take the DCs to a local mall where they had a kiddie train ride thing once or twice. Someone in the DCs' school once tried to make St Nicholas' Day a Thing, but it fizzled out.

I've always tried to keep to the religious meaning of the day (we are RC), and the DCs were in the parish children's choir and took part in Christmas liturgy - bell ringing, processing with candles, etc.

We live in a very diverse area and there isn't the pressure to conform to anyone else's idea of what Christmas should be. Kids are conscious that everyone has their own family and their own cultural traditions, and that not everyone even celebrates Christmas, and the surroundign culture isn't one of conspicuous consumption.

Nobody I know lives their life on SM either. I agree with PPs who have said that social media has a lot to answer for.

(Ed for spelling)

I have pictures of my grand-parents and parents opening their gifts on Christmas day 😂

Social Media is new, but taking photo is not. No way is any poster old enough that cameras and photos were not a thing when they were little

I think on top of SM, part of the issue is that pare ts feel their children have to be entertained constantly when they're out of school for a few days, or even at weekends. This tendency goes on steroids in December.

Kids are overloaded with activities even at the best of times - clubs, sports, after school activities. They are taken to soft play places and other entertainment at weekends. Nobody expects their children to just loll around at home, read, draw, watch TV, kick a ball around a garden for hours. People think boredom is a curse that must be avoided at all costs. Boredom is much better for children than constant entertainment.

I agree to a certain extent.
But it’s in our hands isn’t it ? We should do what we feel makes us happy not conform to expectations.
why do we feel so pressurised ?
Also, the stories of abusive partners etc that’s not because or just at Christmas it’s likely all year it’s just Christmas is a time when we expect or think things will change. Well they won’t. Don’t need Christmas to tell anyone Partner or husband is a d”ck !
Ive been fortunate but those with other stories need to reevaluate their relationships.

I've just said to DH that I'm not "buying into" the commercial Christmas anymore. It's just too much, and I want to reclaim a quiet family day again.

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

I think you've summed it up well here

When my children were children, we'd go akd see Father Christmas, put the tree up and spend the couple of says believe Christmas Day (in the holidays) doing Christmas crafts and we sometimes went to a NT property that was decorated for chiramtas or had reindeer to see but, otherwise, December was just another month.

I see parents of younger children now filling days, weekends and evenings with "festive fun" and it just seems like an awful lot.

I'm a teacher and, to be quite honest, by the time the Christmas holidays come, I'm all Christmassed out.

Duplicate post

I agree. I think people are generally more miserable and more poor than they used to be and trying to keep things fun. Im almost always sick by Christmas day as Im so burnt out and exhausted.

YANBU at all. I said this on another thread (apparently it was "sad") but we didn't do some of the usual things we would in December. No trip to the garden centre in late Nov (too busy otherwise) to get a decoration, no Santa visit as DS7 is a bit too old, no driving ages to get to National Trusts when DS was just as happy in the park with a football and no trip to Longleat for the light festival (used to be members). Our Christmas Day was lovely but we just treated it as a Sunday with presents and some nicer food. Fortunately we had a couple of normal birthday parties and DS had some football matches which just made December feel like a usual month. It has massively helped with that flat feeling today.