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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working all but boxing day and I'll still be expected to cook

88 replies

Mardy45 · 26/12/2025 06:32

Care worker here, worked Xmas, and working all sat and sun today is only day off yet partner will still expect a Sunday dinner style meal and won't enter his head to cook it🤔
Not working or anything this week, managed to get away with takeaways Xmas eve👀😊,
Hate been a female!!, happy I've cheated, ready made yorkshire puds mash to microwave and pre cut veg😂😂😂😂, knackered and wondering when my me day is😁

OP posts:
chattyness · 26/12/2025 09:08

Why didn't you tell him in advance that you expect him to cook for change?

Iloveeverycat · 26/12/2025 09:12

Why would you cook on boxing day. I am in my 60s we always have a cold spread. Lay it out and people help themselves.

Mum2Fergus · 26/12/2025 09:15

Stop being a martyr. Just don’t do it.

AgnesMcDoo · 26/12/2025 09:22

Don’t do it

user1471538283 · 26/12/2025 09:25

This is nothing to do with being a woman. My DF cooked a lot and he always made the meals over Christmas. My DS cooks. If I only had one day off over Christmas I wouldn't be in the kitchen making meals for anyone.

IwishIcouldconfess · 26/12/2025 09:33

Do you think there's a special place in heaven for martyrs?

CatAsstrophe · 26/12/2025 09:39

YABU

Being female has nothing to do with it. Being a mug/martyr/doormat is more appropriate.

Get a grip woman!

user1496146479 · 26/12/2025 09:40

Stop being a martyr! Let him cook, use your words!

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 09:45

Sneesellsseashells · 26/12/2025 09:03

How did you become a competent cook? Practice? We all have to start somewhere.

Edited
Show quote history

Agree. People learn to cook gradually. Christmas roast is not easy for a beginner

But good point well made - there's a middle ground between ready meal and roast dinner

OP, what would happen if you asked your DP to cook a simple meal of his choice?

LavenderBlue19 · 26/12/2025 09:46

Tell him (in advance) that he needs to cook because you're working.

My partner made Christmas dinner yesterday. It was delicious. He makes most of our meals, I only really cook if he's not around. I do most of the cleaning, laundry etc (and have a cleaner). We both cleaned the house for Christmas, both bought presents for our respective families.

Expect better.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2025 09:55

For the love of God, woman - grow a fucking spine! Tell this lazy arse to shape up or ship out.

And have a damned good think about why you think this is OK. Yes you came here to have a bit of moan but you're still pandering to him. How did you get here? Was this behaviour modelled to you by your parents (was your father a wanker and your mother a martyr), did you grow up in care and had no model to follow, did you start more equal but were slowly manoeuvred into doing all the work?

Change the workload within your relationship. And if you can't, finish this relationship and start again with a man who isn't a lazy tosser.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 26/12/2025 09:56

Dh does all our cooking. He works full time too.

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 26/12/2025 10:43

Just don't cook! Get a box of chocolates out and sit on the sofa.

mydogisanidiott · 26/12/2025 11:04

Fuck that shit. DH has been cooking none stop since Christmas Eve and now he is making a Boxing Day pie.

nothing to do with being a female.

I make the cosy, presents and house decorated and we both shop for food together. He out the outside lights up.

columnatedruinsdomino · 26/12/2025 15:07

I think you’ve bought into the male perspective of have uterus, belong in the kitchen. Make 2026 the year the scales fall from your eyes! Good luck op.

Aplstrudl · 26/12/2025 15:09

Get some food on the way home, don’t go too late and say work fed you. Let him fend for himself.

Barnbrack · 26/12/2025 15:16

Mardy45 · 26/12/2025 06:32

Care worker here, worked Xmas, and working all sat and sun today is only day off yet partner will still expect a Sunday dinner style meal and won't enter his head to cook it🤔
Not working or anything this week, managed to get away with takeaways Xmas eve👀😊,
Hate been a female!!, happy I've cheated, ready made yorkshire puds mash to microwave and pre cut veg😂😂😂😂, knackered and wondering when my me day is😁

I'm off work for 2 weeks and my husband worked up until Xmas eve. He's designated Xmas cook and other than a bit of veggie prep and organisation I've done no cooking. I HAVE cleaned the whole house and done loads of kid activities and most o the shopping. I'm not doing everything because he's an adult too.

Chasbots · 26/12/2025 15:23

I do cook from scratch all the time but if it was expected, then that would cease.

Are you scared of him? If not, let him expect away.

My DH did help with a roast meal a couple of days ago & was saying how much work it is. I grew up eating meat & 2 veg but we don't now, as it's so faffy.

Cornishclio · 26/12/2025 17:13

Don’t do it. Letting your partner get away with doing zero to help just leaves you resentful and him entitled. I often say to my DH it is his turn to cook and now he does it without asking. You have to put the training in 😂😂

outerspacepotato · 26/12/2025 17:20

You can say no. 🙄

Let him get his own dinner.

FieryA · 26/12/2025 17:36

As you knew your work schedule in advance, why didn't you and husband plan the cooking and division of labour before itself? Is your husband a good cook? Could he help in any other way in the kitchen? Why is expecting a meal, could a takeaway not be an option? Clearly there is more to the story here.

Sanasaaa · 26/12/2025 17:45

Tell the male that he is to cook half the week from now on.

He's not a partner if he's incredibly stupid and a burden. Don't accept some man treating you like a domestic appliance.

Clasaassa · 26/12/2025 17:47

I’ve only voted YABU because don’t do it! Tell him if he wants it, he’ll have to figure out how because you're really exhausted.

ibuprofenhead · 26/12/2025 17:47

It’s nothing to do with being a woman; it’s 100% to do with you being a doormat.

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 26/12/2025 18:17

Nah it's not on just tell him straight Sunday cooking and clear up is on you
So get in the kitchen and rattle those pots and pans.