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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working all but boxing day and I'll still be expected to cook

88 replies

Mardy45 · 26/12/2025 06:32

Care worker here, worked Xmas, and working all sat and sun today is only day off yet partner will still expect a Sunday dinner style meal and won't enter his head to cook it🤔
Not working or anything this week, managed to get away with takeaways Xmas eve👀😊,
Hate been a female!!, happy I've cheated, ready made yorkshire puds mash to microwave and pre cut veg😂😂😂😂, knackered and wondering when my me day is😁

OP posts:
Coldiron · 26/12/2025 08:03

What would happen if you told your partner you weren’t cooking for him?

Midgetgemsplease · 26/12/2025 08:05

My friend has a saying. "What you allow will continue". Just don't do it and say you're not doing it. The end. If it doesn't happen then it doesnt t happen.

SushiForMe · 26/12/2025 08:05

Nothing to do with being a woman!
DH does most of the cooking - but I would definitely do it if he was working over the holidays.
I am too lazy to do more than half of the chores and even when I was in my 20s I would be very clear with any boyfriends that I was happy to do for example their laundry when doing mine but that I was expecting them to cook or clean or whatever needed doing in return.

LargeJugs · 26/12/2025 08:08

A penis doesn’t prevent cooking. Aren’t the majority of top chefs men?!

If you want to cook go for it. Otherwise tell your partner that if he wants a roast then he’s doing it.

Nevernonono · 26/12/2025 08:08

YABU

What a martyr

Its nothing to do with being female!

Ellie56 · 26/12/2025 08:10

YABVVU. Being female does not mean being a doormat and putting up with a useless man twat.

Put your feet up, tell him it's your only day off and it's his turn to make dinner.

If he doesn't respond favourably do yourself a favour and dump him. You can do better.

InfoSecInTheCity · 26/12/2025 08:12

This isn’t a male/female thing it’s an expectation setting thing. DH and I share house/child stuff equally. He tends to do more cooking because he enjoys doing it whereas I see it as a functional task and take the easiest option so if I’m cooking it’s something from the slow cooker or a one pan meal. I tend to do the DIY and more of the cleaning because he hates those things. If either of us is busy the other automatically picks up the slack and if for some reason we miss something then we remind each other and neither takes offence or gets pissed off.

You need to tell him that you’ve been busy at work and he has been at home so should be sorting the meals. If he has a problem with that then it is indicative of broader problems and something you need to address or decide whether you want to tolerate for the rest of your life.

Thortour · 26/12/2025 08:12

Give him a list of jobs.
Peel potatoes
Prepare veg.
Vacuum
Clean the bathroom.
Or do what I'd do which is to have beans on toast.

FritataPatate · 26/12/2025 08:18

Sorry, but this is just annoying.

Sneesellsseashells · 26/12/2025 08:20

I personally find assholes who take advantage of people with no boundaries and low expectations from others worse than people with no boundaries and low expectations from others so I see why you are complaining.

MN generally though does expect people to take responsibility for themselves and gets frustrated by people who ignore their own flaws (no boundaries/inappropriate expectations of others) so that is why you are getting all of the pushback.

You focusing on and sorting your own part in this dynamic instead of ignoring your part and just pointlessly venting is probably the best thing you can do.

Summerbay23 · 26/12/2025 08:23

Another YABU, this is a you problem, you need to tell him it’s his turn to cook this year as you’ve been working. It’s nothing to do with being female just poor communication and a useless partner.

Tulipsriver · 26/12/2025 08:23

You've written this as though it's funny or just 'one of those things'. It's not and you don't have to do anything just because your partner expects it.

It's not just part of being a woman, many of us wouldn't accept being treated like a skivvy. Plenty of men cook and clean and generally pull their weight. You don't have to accept less because you were born female.

Tell him you expect a lovely meal to be ready for you when you finish work. Value yourself and set your sights higher, you deserve far more than this.

Parker231 · 26/12/2025 08:26

Yet another thread about a woman complaining about having to do all the work. No you don’t - you’re facilitating allowing this to happen.
Take it turns or cook together but why are you doing it all. It’s not just useless men but women who allow it.

nc43214321 · 26/12/2025 08:29

Same…. I have worked all week, my partner has looked after out 6 year old, hasn’t crossed his mind to do any cleaning, tidying, cooking ….even still
had to cook meals etc. he has decided to invite his family round today and he is cooking still debating whether or not I should tidy the house before they arrive as he’s had so much time to do it….
the crux of the problem is his family who are coming today think because I am the women/mother I should do everything domesticated 🫩

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2025 08:30

HoppingPavlova · 26/12/2025 06:43

Hate been a female!!

No idea what you are on about. Being female does not mean you are the only person allowed in a kitchen, you seem to have very odd thought processes

I'm with this.

Being female doesn't stop you from saying "I'm not cooking this Christmas because it's the only day off over Christmas, so if you want a roast you'll have to do it otherwise we'll have to come up with an alternative plan"

You need to start saying no.

The martyrdom is your own fault ultimately.

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

itsthetea · 26/12/2025 08:35

You also him What are you cooking ?

pass him a basic cookery book if he’s that useless

you eat bread and cheese yourself if he doesn’t

DH is male and a perfectly competent cook. He usually says he’s making dinner if I am busy and I would have no qualms asking him if he missed

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2025 08:37

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

You don't ask. You tell him that if you are expected to cook on Christmas Day when you have been working all week, it's a ready meal unless he does something about it.

It shouldn't be a discussion if it's getting to you that much.

Otherwise you simply enjoy being a martyr

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 26/12/2025 08:40

And how is being female relevant 🤣

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2025 08:51

nc43214321 · 26/12/2025 08:29

Same…. I have worked all week, my partner has looked after out 6 year old, hasn’t crossed his mind to do any cleaning, tidying, cooking ….even still
had to cook meals etc. he has decided to invite his family round today and he is cooking still debating whether or not I should tidy the house before they arrive as he’s had so much time to do it….
the crux of the problem is his family who are coming today think because I am the women/mother I should do everything domesticated 🫩

Then if they say anything you can say ‘yes, I’m disappointed too, Tim has been off all week too’

loganrock · 26/12/2025 08:55

OP, with respect, this is your choice. You are choosing to live with the mindset of someone living in 1955, not 2025.

Godlovesatryer88 · 26/12/2025 09:02

What’s being female have to do with anything?

What did you both eat yesterday after you finished work/before you started work? Why couldn’t he have cooked then?

If he doesn’t cook 364 days of the year then why would you suddenly expect him to start now? You need to higher your bar.

Sneesellsseashells · 26/12/2025 09:03

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

How did you become a competent cook? Practice? We all have to start somewhere.

PinkyFlamingo · 26/12/2025 09:05

Mardy45 · 26/12/2025 06:32

Care worker here, worked Xmas, and working all sat and sun today is only day off yet partner will still expect a Sunday dinner style meal and won't enter his head to cook it🤔
Not working or anything this week, managed to get away with takeaways Xmas eve👀😊,
Hate been a female!!, happy I've cheated, ready made yorkshire puds mash to microwave and pre cut veg😂😂😂😂, knackered and wondering when my me day is😁

What on earth has female got to do with it! I despair at posts like yours "expected to cook", nooone is forcing you...

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/12/2025 09:05

Lostthefairytale · 26/12/2025 07:31

I've ticked yabu because you have put yourself in this role. It's not a "being female" thing, it's a being a doormat thing. If you keep doing it and then coming in here to complain rather than actually standing up for your own needs then why would anything change??

If your relationship is abusive please get in touch with women's aid. If it isn't, then please take control of your life and stop telling yourself that having a thoughtless uncaring partner is just part of being a woman. It isn't.

Agreed.

I am a woman and this just wouldnt happen to me.

And I'd go hungry if needed to make my point.