Is anyone else just so fucking proud of their Christmas?

[Minjou]

I have four children. They are adored by their parents. But both those parents grew up in, frankly, different but shit homes. These children have a dad who was beaten and belittled and who grew up with no self esteem at all. And they have a mother who was neglected and abandoned and grew up in and out of care, with the sort of issues you'd expect.

But these children....they have been prioritised and loved and cared for every day of their lives. They have parents who are far from perfect but who have never stopped trying. They have had another happy Christmas day with gifts and great food and games and fun, which is every Christmas they've ever had. They have only the vaguest idea of their parents background.

I never normally talk like this, but I'm drinking the gin my oldest child bought me for Christmas, because he's lovely and he knows me 🤣. AIBU to be just so fucking proud that we broke the cycles we both grew up with, and created this happy new family for ourselves? Because I am. It's the joy of life. It makes everything worthwhile

I get this. Even hearing my child making a casual remark referring to "my room" or "my bed" just gives me a warm glow. I wasn't allowed to say things like that, I got shouted at that these things weren't mine, I owned nothing, etc. There was far more soul-destroying stuff than that but just as one example. To be bringing my child up to feel safe, secure and loved, valued and respected... it's a huge thing. Kudos to you OP, it's not easy or straighforward.

My turkey was really quite dry because I forgot to take it out in time while were playing a game!! But I covered it in gravy and it was fine 😁

This post has really made me smile 😀 You have every right to feel proud @Minjou!

And @Rosealea - “ashamed and mortified”?!! You are ridiculous.

Yes-you should be absolutely proud of yourself. For what you’ve achieved for yourself as well as for your children. You have done great things.

Yes, my mum did that too. Absolutely terrifying.
Im having some therapy at the moment and have been talking about my childhood a lot, at the age of 65 I’ve found myself being taken back to that 6 year old little girl hearing my parents screaming and shouting. It may sound strange but my amazing therapist has finally helped me see that what I experienced really wasn’t right.
So I’m very grateful to OP for reminding me that actually I’ve done a really good job bringing up my family in a different way, breaking the chain, and that I should be proud of myself. An emotion I’m learning to feel still !

OP, and to all those on the thread who have broken beyond their own tough circumstances, huge love and admiration! I am very aware that I’m staggeringly privileged by having had a basically pleasant, stable upbringing. It gives a child solid ground from which to at least stay ok, or at best, follow their own dreams. Without it, is like trying to build on quicksand.

What you have achieved - getting out of your own quicksand, and building solid ground for your children….. is just incredible, I am glad you are proud…. You deserve every bit of that pride and every moment of soaking it in. Enjoy!!!!!!

This is lovely, merry Christmas to you!

I have a difficult relationship with Christmas due to many tense times growing up (along the lines of the awful drunk arguing family Christmas threads on here, also unpredictable and therefore lacking in traditions).

Thankfully, I married a very calm man who is fanatical about Christmas dinner. He instigates all the shopping, cooking and, most importantly, thinking about food, and we eat and do exactly the same every year - which our ASD teenagers love. At first I feared this would be stifling but soon realised it’s pure joy.

I’m also very pleased we stuck to our budget. It wasn’t a flashy Christmas, more quiet relief that we’ve made it to the end of a difficult year and through a stressful season without any major blow-ups.

I think a parent’s most important job is to be available and dependable. The only time our children couldn’t find us immediately yesterday was because we were singing 80s Christmas songs in the kitchen while clearing up. I cannot tell you how far away this was from the Christmases of my childhood!

Rosealea, have you ever discussed this very easily triggered sense of shame with a counsellor? It seems like an extreme reaction. Are you ok? It doesn't seem normal to come onto a post like this and say what you did. Or maybe were you trying to make OP feel ashamed? Either way it shows that shame is something that you probably struggle with. I hope you find the tools to deal with this.

My DD1 was about six when I woke up on my birthday to a GnT being shoved in my face at 7am because she wanted to be nice but didn’t know how to make a cup of coffee 😂 (obviously I don’t drink GnT at 7am)

And before anyone asks how she knew how to make a GnT, she didn’t. It was essentially a glass of gin!!!