DH had to work at Christmas and was a dickhead

[Expectationsslashed]

If DH is unhappy, oh boy don’t we know it. He is an emergency services worker and unfortunately has been working the whole of Christmas.

I have done everything this year and I mean everything. Buying the presents, wrapping the presents, buying the cards, placing the cards in front of his nose to write, making arrangements to see his family, you name it I have done it all. I have also done all of the housework. Mopping floors, cleaning the toilets, making up the beds for people that are coming to stay.

And he has been a miserable git. I get that it cannot be much fun to work at Christmas, however, throw me a fucking bone.

I have also done all of the cooking, whilst he naps before shifts. I know shift work is hard. However, he gets up from a nap or when he comes downstairs there is a banquet on the table like he’s the fucking king or something. He eats it moans about something other and then goes off to work, and I’ll have to clear everything up as well.

It is making me view our relationship very differently. Not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Is anybody else’s husband like this? Maybe this is why a lot of emergency workers lose their spouses?

He also does this annoying thing when we are unwrapping presents, of telling me to unwrap mine first because I have a lot more to unwrap than he does. This simply isn’t true. I asked him today why he kept making out like he didn’t have enough to open. He openly admitted that he just likes to wind me up. What the hell? We have been together for 17 years. And for the first time ever I am just wondering if this relationship has got any more legs.

What are his shift hours? Are you a SAHM?

Tonight he left at 9pm and will get home at 7am tomorrow. I work too. Kids are adults.,

Teasing in this way is deeply unpleasant.

I have a lot of sympathy with him for shift work and it can impact your moods too but this is terrible behaviour.

Why are you catering to him though? What does he do on his days off?

That last comment is enough to tell you to LTB.

DH works 12 hour shifts in the emergency services. He worked Tuesday night yesterday night and today night. He did zero moaning and was not a selfish twat at any stage. On the contrary, despite being firmly told not to do any clearing up, he helped clear up after Christmas lunch.

your DH is being a miserable selfish lazy fun sponge. Time for some serious discussions I think.

Yeah, I can feel myself checking out tbh. 17 years I’ve held this together but I can feel myself slipping away. He was a fucking arsehole last night in front of my adult son and again this morning was a bit off. Thankfully I own the house, so I have the option of just telling him to leave.

Jeeeeeeezus

This is what I would have wanted

My adult son, not our adult son ?

I would be very seriously considering if I wanted to be married to him.

There are 1,000's of emergency services workers that work during Christmas / New year / Sundays / Bank holidays etc.

Why are YOU making the arrangements to see HIS family - he is a big boy now, he either wants to see them or he doesn't.

Well if you're married you cannot just tell him to leave as your house will be considered a joint asset. You may wish to seek legal advice to determine financial and assets split in the event of a divorce.

Tbh that would likely kill off any affection I had for him.

What kind of dickhead openly admits they like spoiling Christmas Day for the partner - which is basically what he said?

Do you work?

She already said she did, at 00:09, 3rd post in the thread.

Yes she works
OP I would be careful about the, assumption that you can just tell home to leave, speak to a solicitor re the legalities of it

They've been together 17 yrs so I guess her son, his step son as he is an adult

He's just being an arsehole imo.

I did many years of 12+ hours shifts in healthcare over Christmas and managed to not treat the people I'm meant to love badly.

He sounds an absolute twat.
DD worked Christmas Eve, will be back in tomorrow, 27th and also both New Years Eve and Day on shifts. Hasn't moaned, tried to piss on anyone's parade, hasn't been selfish or rude or sulked. LOADS of people work over Christmas- that's life unfortunately.
I'm not surprised you've begun to check out OP. I'd find all that unbearable.

Cut him the fuck loose.
Let him see how his self abortion plays out while he's living alone.
You deserve so much better

There are tons of health care workers working shift work and working the big holidays. I was one for decades 12.5 hour night shifts in critical care.

He is working 10s and he's that much of a miserable lazy asshole and does nothing but whine? Fuck that.

All the do you have a job, do you work questioners above: Are SAHP to be spoken to like crap and have to pick up after their partners constantly? Because that's servitude, not partnership. Or in fact part of any SAH deal most of us would agree to be reasonable. You can still put your own dirty plate away or mop a floor with a job.

Job or no job, no OP. None of his treatment of you is OK.

Leave. He doesn’t appreciate you.

The irony of you picking apart OPs use of language and calling people stupid is hilarious given your spelling in your first reply