DH had to work at Christmas and was a dickhead

[Expectationsslashed]

If DH is unhappy, oh boy don’t we know it. He is an emergency services worker and unfortunately has been working the whole of Christmas.

I have done everything this year and I mean everything. Buying the presents, wrapping the presents, buying the cards, placing the cards in front of his nose to write, making arrangements to see his family, you name it I have done it all. I have also done all of the housework. Mopping floors, cleaning the toilets, making up the beds for people that are coming to stay.

And he has been a miserable git. I get that it cannot be much fun to work at Christmas, however, throw me a fucking bone.

I have also done all of the cooking, whilst he naps before shifts. I know shift work is hard. However, he gets up from a nap or when he comes downstairs there is a banquet on the table like he’s the fucking king or something. He eats it moans about something other and then goes off to work, and I’ll have to clear everything up as well.

It is making me view our relationship very differently. Not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Is anybody else’s husband like this? Maybe this is why a lot of emergency workers lose their spouses?

When you say he was being an arsehole, how so?

I think once you start resenting someone everything they do may irritate the hell out of you and you lose perspective. I’m not saying this is the case, but without knowing how he’s been an arsehole, I’m not sure if you’re unreasonable or not.

He's working a night shift today (yesterday now). If she'd said this evening it would have sounded like he had done 2 nights and had a twilight (evening) shift coming up. "... and is working a night shift tonight" would have worked but "today night" is perfectly clear in the context.

I’m sorry you are going through this. He does not sound as if he has any redeeming qualities. I for one hope that you are not married and can a just tell him to leave. All the best

You're not happy. He's clearly not happy. Time for a conversation about where this is headed. There may be more to this and you should give him the chance to tell you. With the possibility of being shown the door he may climb down from his throne. But TBH it doesn't sound like it.

Not if you’re married - it doesn’t work like that.

I agree with PP. If you are married and have been together 17 years, the house will be considered a marital asset. However, OP might mean she rents and tenancy is in her name only? Or she ring fenced house legally prior to marriage. Still risky.

I did all the Christmas prep have young kids and have been working nightshift since Christmas Eve tonight is my last night thank god. I had 1 hours sleep yesterday thanks to a basketball being bounced all bloody morning! I don’t however moan I get on with it as want to make my kids days enjoyable . I’m venting on here but in real life I’m sucking it up

If you’re married the ownership of the house is irrelevant and you can’t just tell him to leave. I’d get some legal advice if you’re serious about separating because you’re going to get a shock if you think you’ll keep the house in its entirety

Another one who does 12.5 hour shifts all year round. Worked last Xmas day but have been on this year 23rd/24th/30th/31st and 1st, not a whinge out of me.

I guess it depends on what he is like all year round? If he is just like this at Christmas time but great the rest of the year I could get over it, if he is a lazy moody areshole all year then no you need to have a conversation with him.

I did shift work and never acted like this.

If you are married then he does not have to just leave plus the house will be a joint asset. That’s the first thing to clarify.

No other people who work over Christmas are not like your dh.
Plenty of them manage to buy Christmas presents, write cards, shop, cook, attend nativity plays and carol concerts etc etc.
Nobody works 24 hours a day constantly for 30 days.
You’d dh is lazy.
Think carefully about spending the rest of your life like this.

YANBU.

One key thing I was looking for in a life partner was someone who is able to have fun in "un-fun situations"

I was also looking for someone who did NOT ruin every birthday / christmas / nice eputong because their shoelace broke/ it was too hot / you looked at them funny.

I grew up with it for 20 years (as a child you obviously have no volition) bit as soon as I could i got away from it.
Why would you choose to live like this???

It's personal but I just couldnt live like this.
Its so miserable...