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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed I didn’t get a ring..

47 replies

LeopardPrintQueen · 25/12/2025 22:54

DP and I have been together (minus a temporary split) 13 years. We got engaged in 2016 but the wedding was cancelled due to covid, and then we separated in 2022 for a year before getting back together.
My old engagement ring never fitted right as I was pregnant so had it made bigger and it also just represents the past to me. I said I really would love a new ring for Christmas as I’ve never started wearing it again since 2022. I didn’t care if it was a £50 one.

I got everything but. He said he didn’t want to do a “big proposal” an be all “look at us we’re engaged again” I said it’s fuck all to do with that - I probably wouldn’t even have shown anyone - I just wanted a new ring for a new start. He said well we can go shopping but it now feels forced. I cried in the shower this morning. AIBU?

OP posts:
anicesmellycandle · 25/12/2025 22:56

Just actually get married and have a wedding ring.

Untailored · 25/12/2025 22:57

I don’t think either of you are unreasonable really. It would mean something to you to have a new ring. For him, a new ring conveys a meaning that he doesn’t want. It’s just a difference of opinion, no one is in the wrong.

VickyEadieofThigh · 25/12/2025 22:58

anicesmellycandle · 25/12/2025 22:56

Just actually get married and have a wedding ring.

This. Concentrate on what matters, which is making a relationship which has had its rocky periods WORK. Do this by focusing on what matters and not looking for conflict where it doesn't matter.

LongBreath · 25/12/2025 22:58

anicesmellycandle · 25/12/2025 22:56

Just actually get married and have a wedding ring.

This. I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing.

Grumblies · 25/12/2025 22:58

anicesmellycandle · 25/12/2025 22:56

Just actually get married and have a wedding ring.

Agreed. Just sit down and plan a wedding. You've been together over a decade, have children and presumably live together.

IidentifyastheGrinch · 25/12/2025 22:59

I would focus on just getting the wedding sorted if that's what you both want

mamajong · 25/12/2025 23:01

Yabu to a degree. Its ok to want something but to expect it and cry about it is a bit OTT imo.

pinksheetss · 25/12/2025 23:02

It was forced by you asking it in the first place so I’m not sure how going shopping together now feels forced?
I think it would be a nice start to shop together for the ring and pick it out

elliesmummy19 · 25/12/2025 23:03

I’d be more concerned about actually getting married at this point. A ring means nothing. Do you actually plan to ever get married? My husband and I got married in the year you got engaged and will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next year…
Surely after a 10 year engagement and a breakup you’re either getting married or you’re not?

justpassmethemouse · 25/12/2025 23:04

When did he say you could go shopping? If it was before today, then it’s not surprising that you’ve not had one under the tree. If it was after then I understand why you’re upset. You might just need another conversation of what you’re hoping for and why.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 25/12/2025 23:04

He's more bothered about what it would look like to others. That's not a good sign.

Why did you split up for a year? Are you sure you want to be together?

Kitterkitkat · 25/12/2025 23:06

It was something important to you so I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. But this is hardly the hedge to die on so praps just a market fun ring?

YourAquaLion · 25/12/2025 23:09

(With respect) Why are women still waiting for men to get them rings? Get him a ring and propose to him if you want to marry him. We’re sposed to be equals now.

PrincessFairyWren · 25/12/2025 23:11

To me the issue is that you aren’t happy and told him that you would really like a new ring. Instead of talking to you about it he strung you along with you expecting the ring for Christmas to be unexpectedly let down on the day. Seems a bit shit to me.

That said I think you should have suggested going shopping together rather than suggesting that he get the replacement ring on his own. The engagement isn’t a surprise. Are you this passive in other areas of your relationship? Sounds like you have elevated him to the status of the one who calls the shots when this should be an equal decision.

Is the real issue that you fed like he just proposed in the first place because you were pregnant. I think it could help if you were able to clarify your feelings and what you want the rest of your life to be with a counsellor and then ask him if he is on board. That’s a long engagement.

PollyBell · 25/12/2025 23:11

If you want a ring be a grown up and buy it yourself

wandawaves · 25/12/2025 23:14

Considering you asked him in the lead up to Christmas, YANBU.

But... I feel like this isn't really about a ring? Reading between the lines, do you really feel valued in this relationship OP? It reads like you're more into him than he is into you.

TealSapphire · 25/12/2025 23:17

I'm normally the first to vote YABU, but I really don't think you are here OP. A simple ring and a nice gesture is not too much to ask of your life partner, surely??

Eenameenadeeka · 25/12/2025 23:30

I kinda see his point about not wanting to do a proposal again. It kind of seems like highlighting that you were broken up, getting engaged again rather than just resuming where you were and proceeding to get married.

Poodlelove · 25/12/2025 23:31

Does he actually want to get married ?

ResusciAnnie · 25/12/2025 23:33

anicesmellycandle · 25/12/2025 22:56

Just actually get married and have a wedding ring.

They’ve been engaged 10 years… op if you were gonna do it, you’d have done it by now? 2016 was 4 years before Covid, so how did Covid stop you getting married??

InBedBy10 · 25/12/2025 23:33

Does he want to get married or even be engaged? After you broke up and got back together did he actually propose again or did you just assume the relationship picked up where it left off?

I think he didn't get the ring because he doesnt want to be in engaged right now. You broke up for a reason. Maybe he is unsure about your future together.

NearlyMonday · 25/12/2025 23:38

Instead of faffing around with an engagement, I would be planning the wedding?

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/12/2025 23:46

Why didn’t you get married in the 4yrs of being engaged or even rebook your Wedding once back together

does he actually want to get married ? As sounds like he doesn’t

EatMyChristmas · 25/12/2025 23:54

Genuinely confused, did you not basically just resume being engaged when you got back together when it was clear after a few months that you were definitely back together?

If its this hard maybe you aren't suited? 13 years, if you want to be married and aren't by now, then I don't really get what's happening.

Theslummymummy · 25/12/2025 23:56

But asking for one in the first place didn't feel forced?

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