Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed I didn’t get a ring..

47 replies

LeopardPrintQueen · 25/12/2025 22:54

DP and I have been together (minus a temporary split) 13 years. We got engaged in 2016 but the wedding was cancelled due to covid, and then we separated in 2022 for a year before getting back together.
My old engagement ring never fitted right as I was pregnant so had it made bigger and it also just represents the past to me. I said I really would love a new ring for Christmas as I’ve never started wearing it again since 2022. I didn’t care if it was a £50 one.

I got everything but. He said he didn’t want to do a “big proposal” an be all “look at us we’re engaged again” I said it’s fuck all to do with that - I probably wouldn’t even have shown anyone - I just wanted a new ring for a new start. He said well we can go shopping but it now feels forced. I cried in the shower this morning. AIBU?

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitches · 26/12/2025 00:01

It's not really a new start if you have been back together for two years. You're living together, have at least one child together. You both need to shit or get off the pot with the wedding. If you want to get married, but he doesn't, you need to decide if you can carry on without being married.

YourZippyHare · 26/12/2025 00:21

Why are you not just booking your wedding? Being engaged for several years, then breaking up, then getting back together... are you both actually serious about getting married?

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2025 00:25

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Does he want to get married. If not, what does that mean for you?

Good luck.

OhDear111 · 26/12/2025 00:27

Yes, he should commit with a decent new ring. It’s cheap not to. You can have a ring and plan a wedding! He’s not that bothered is he?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:29

Covid was 5 years ago, why have you not got married since.

Are you actually going to get married, or is it just being engaged, forever.

Theslummymummy · 26/12/2025 00:35

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:29

Covid was 5 years ago, why have you not got married since.

Are you actually going to get married, or is it just being engaged, forever.

But they've only been back together since sometime in 2023

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:38

no, ' we separated in 2022 for a year before getting back together.'

So could have married in 2021 or 2022 ( before split )
or 2023 after split or 2024 or even this year 2025

blubberyboo · 26/12/2025 01:10

Aside from the fact that you should just be firming up actual marriage plans, an engagement ring isnt really suitable for a christmas present anyway. They are 2 unrelated occasions. The ring is a commitment to marry not something to take place of a seasonal gift.

Catladywithoutacat · 26/12/2025 01:30

Being engaged for 13years tells you everything, He doesn’t want to get married so either stay and waste your time or accept it.

calminggreen · 26/12/2025 06:42

I think to me it would be quite embarrassing to be given another ring for a second engagement given the last one didn’t work out - I’d just focus on getting married - the wedding ring is more important than an engagement ring

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 26/12/2025 06:56

ColdAsAWitches · 26/12/2025 00:01

It's not really a new start if you have been back together for two years. You're living together, have at least one child together. You both need to shit or get off the pot with the wedding. If you want to get married, but he doesn't, you need to decide if you can carry on without being married.

Charming.

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 26/12/2025 06:58

calminggreen · 26/12/2025 06:42

I think to me it would be quite embarrassing to be given another ring for a second engagement given the last one didn’t work out - I’d just focus on getting married - the wedding ring is more important than an engagement ring

First of all, I’d want to pick my own ring!
But honestly, being happy is more important than a ring. Are you both happy together op?
If so then, set a date for your wedding.

unsync · 26/12/2025 07:38

It's not really about the ring though is it? It's more about what it represents. I think you both need to have an honest conversation about where this relationship is headed. I'm not sure you are both going in the same direction. Were the issues that caused the break up dealt with?

user1476613140 · 26/12/2025 07:45

LongBreath · 25/12/2025 22:58

This. I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing.

Show quote history

Definitely this.

i hardly wear my engagement ring! I wear mostly my wedding band. Been married almost 19 years...

Whaleandsnail6 · 26/12/2025 08:44

If you want a new ring so much that you cry when you don't had one bought for you, why haven't you just saved up and bought yourself one?

You say it doesnt have to be expensive, he has already proposed with a ring so instead of having this big idea in your head, go have a day out shopping and choose what you want.

Or book the wedding and choose wedding rings together.

Sanasaaa · 26/12/2025 08:44

Breaking up for a whole year must have been unsettling for you and your child, what made you get back together?

Are you financially independent, own your own house? A ring is pointless.

metalbottle · 26/12/2025 08:45

Covid was in 2020 onwards. Why hadn't you got married in the 4y since you got engaged in 2016 @LeopardPrintQueen

He doesn't really want to marry you

Sarover · 26/12/2025 08:49

I don’t know one single person in my social circle who got engaged. In fact the only person I have heard of who did that were my parents, in 1959. Just start planning a wedding.

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2025 08:52

I'm not sure you are getting married.

If you want a second ring and are not given one and your reaction is tears there's bigger issues.

I'm with previous poster saying either get a wedding ring and get on with it or don't.

If you are focused on a second engagement ring, you are stuck in 'oh well we might get married eventually' land with a seeming attitude that you want to prolong that, rather than just fucking getting on with it.

My suspicion is you will want 'the perfect wedding' in the same way. And you'll get lost in that. And he's really not arsed about it. So you'll have a pile more arguments over that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2025 08:58

Your feelings are your feelings OP but the emphasis on an engagement ring seems bizarre given that you have been engaged for nearly a decade and have children. I have never understood the fuss and drama over engagement rings they seem archaic to me but if you want one you get it sorted when you get engaged. This ship has well and truly sailed.

It does also sound as if there are problems in the relationship which go deeper than this. Why did you split up? Why has it taken a decade to get around to getting married? It does feel slightly that you are over-focused on something pretty irrelevant.

MissyB1 · 26/12/2025 09:02

You don’t need a ring. You two just need to sit down together and book the wedding, suggest that today - and see what his reaction is.

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 26/12/2025 09:15

Stripping the engagement out, you asked him to buy you a ring (not an expensive one) for Christmas, and he didn't.

He had reasons for this but he didn't talk about it with you beforehand, just let you be disappointed on the day.

He's a poor communicator and doesn't seem to be prioritising what is pleasing to you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page