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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For sending FIL home as he has Diarrhoea?

51 replies

Donimo · 25/12/2025 21:46

DH and I were hosting christmas dinner today at 4pm for FIL, DM, Sister and our 3 children (under 6). F

FIL turns up today 3-4 hours early. When FIL arrived whilst we were eating brunch and he explained he came early as he was feeling unwell so not sure how long he would stay. I said that's fine but we can't really eat dinner any earlier as I've not even put the oven on yet.

We set another place at the table and said to help himself to brunch which was a self service affair on the table. Just as he was about to take a slice a toast he informs us he has been up all night with Diarrhoea. At which point I stop him picking up the toast with his hands and pass him a slice using a fork.

I then sit there for the rest of brunch fuming he has come to our home with Diarrhoea and trying to make sure he doesn't touch anything. He then goes off to the toliet (for quite a while). During this time I tell my DH I'm really not happy for him to stay. DH clarifies with FIL when he had Diarrhoea and FIL confirms multiple times over the last 12 hours or so. (Had to change bed sheets this morning- so obviously fairly badly). DH tells FIL that Donimo is not happy for you to stay in that case and tells FIL Donimo is refusing to have him for dinner.

Once he left I disinfected the bathroom and everything at the dinner table and made the children wash their hands. I'm praying no-one gets ill.

Should I have let him stay and take the risk of us being ill. As he lives alone since MIL passed away a few years ago.

AIBU to take to send him home?

OP posts:
HazelMember · 25/12/2025 21:48

DH tells FIL that Donimo is not happy for you to stay in that case and tells FIL Donimo is refusing to have him for dinner.

Was DH happy to have him stay for dinner? He really made sure his DF knew it was you to blame.

GoodVibesHere · 25/12/2025 21:54

YANBU at all!

I mean, your FIL might find it really horrible to unexpectedly end up alone on xmas day, but he really shouldn't have turned up at your house with a stomach bug. It's one of those bad-luck situations where he should've just phoned to cancel. Very selfish of him.

justasking111 · 25/12/2025 21:55

Well no he shouldn't have come, but do check on him I had this with food poisoning from a restaurant. Someone ought to check out the home, especially kitchen, make sure he's not eating out of date food, check refrigerator etc. .. please keep an eye on him.

I'd have told him we'll have a nice lunch when you're better.

LemonLass · 25/12/2025 21:56

He was unreasonable to attend under the circumstances (and if the sheets were a mess, he may have had issues in the car or at yours). Did he being a change(s) of clothes?

Has someone phoned to check up on him since he went home? Also, what sort of distance have they travelled?

Ohpleeeease · 25/12/2025 21:57

I think it’s understandable you didn’t want him in the house but a bit brutal to send him home if I’m honest. If he was feeling ill he was probably dreading coming anyway. He lives alone and has diarrhoea, he could become very ill very quickly. I’d have made arrangements for him to be cared for even if it meant your DH taking him home.

MumoftwoNC · 25/12/2025 21:57

Your husband is very unreasonable. He should have a joint stance with you, rather than telling FIL to leave but blaming you.

Fwiw I'd have let him stay but sterilised around him pointedly

SarahAndQuack · 25/12/2025 21:58

I don't know if this is a generational thing?

My parents are very much of the view that if you're ill, you soldier on nobly and everyone else should applaud you spreading your infection to all and sundry. They changed a bit during Covid but honestly, they've mostly slipped right back.

It would genuinely not occur to my dad that it was anyone's business but his if he was infectious.

The one thing I have found that helps is a united front: everyone saying firmly 'look, we do not want to catch whatever you've got'. This still comes as a novelty to my dad, but if we all said it, he would get it.

gamerchick · 25/12/2025 21:58

He probably shouldn't have came. I'd have sent husband round with a dinner for him though.

Crimble123 · 25/12/2025 22:03

Im with you. I think people who show up ill are selfish.

Today my DS brought her little girl to our DP house for Xmas. She was quite poorly. Coughing, snotty even had to take a nap half way through the day. My DM would never have the guts like you to say no. So looks like we are getting ill!

Well done for standing up and putting others wellbeing first

outerspacepotato · 25/12/2025 22:03

What was he thinking, coming to your place to sit down and eat after multiple episodes of diarrhea?

I guess he wasn't. Thinking, that is. 3 kids under 6 and he thinks it's ok to possibly spread a viral illness?

You did the right thing. Nobody should be showing up to someone else's house when they've been having so much diarrhea.

Your husband can check on him and make sure he's not getting dehydrated.

BruFord · 25/12/2025 22:08

I agree that your DH should go over to check on him and bring him some food. Also some rehydration solution if you have any.

I wouldn’t go to someone’s house with diarrhea, I hope you’re all ok. 🤞

Lararoft · 25/12/2025 22:12

I went home early from my sister’s Christmas dinner as I have a sore throat and felt I had a raised temperature. I didn’t want my sister to get ill again.
Its the unselfish thing to do!

FIL should have stayed at home in the first place as diarrhoea is very infectious.

Theslummymummy · 25/12/2025 22:14

Ffs I'd resent him even discussing it tbh. Why did he think it was OK to come round and earier than planned? And why did you get the blame

Theslummymummy · 25/12/2025 22:15

Ohpleeeease · 25/12/2025 21:57

I think it’s understandable you didn’t want him in the house but a bit brutal to send him home if I’m honest. If he was feeling ill he was probably dreading coming anyway. He lives alone and has diarrhoea, he could become very ill very quickly. I’d have made arrangements for him to be cared for even if it meant your DH taking him home.

Dreading coming so much he turned up early and clearly wasn't over it?

MarvellousMonsters · 25/12/2025 22:18

outerspacepotato · 25/12/2025 22:03

What was he thinking, coming to your place to sit down and eat after multiple episodes of diarrhea?

I guess he wasn't. Thinking, that is. 3 kids under 6 and he thinks it's ok to possibly spread a viral illness?

You did the right thing. Nobody should be showing up to someone else's house when they've been having so much diarrhea.

Your husband can check on him and make sure he's not getting dehydrated.

I mean, @Donimo, I feel for him, being poorly on Christmas Day, but why would he risk infecting your whole family with it?? It’s been standard infection control precautions to stay at home u til you’re 48 hours clear for forever, it’s hard to believe he’d not know this. Send him some dioralyte and a plated up Christmas dinner and check on him via phone/text.

somanychristmaslights · 25/12/2025 22:18

Your DH is a dick for putting the blame solely on you. Surely he agreed with you?? He shouldn’t have come over.

Original poster
Donimo · 25/12/2025 22:19

I said to DH to call and offer to take around a plate of food. FIL lives 20-30 mins away. DH did call him after we had eaten to see how he was. And I offered to plate up some food for DH to drop round. But DH then realised he had drunk too much to drive over. My DM who wasn't drinking as driving home (opposite direction to FIL house) offered to take it over but FIL said not to worry.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 25/12/2025 22:27

He should have stayed home.

The way you report the conversation it sounds quite brutal and blunt, but honestly, you're the one who would have ended up cleaning the furniture or the bathroom if he hadn't made it to the loo, perhaps putting on a wash, on a day when you're cooking a full Christmas dinner.

If he had eaten anything, I doubt he would have been able to digest it normally.

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 25/12/2025 22:29

I wouldn't have left the house if I had diarrhoea not only for the infection risk but also for the rancid stink.
Wouldn't inflict that on anyone.

Original poster
Donimo · 25/12/2025 22:32

mathanxiety · 25/12/2025 22:27

He should have stayed home.

The way you report the conversation it sounds quite brutal and blunt, but honestly, you're the one who would have ended up cleaning the furniture or the bathroom if he hadn't made it to the loo, perhaps putting on a wash, on a day when you're cooking a full Christmas dinner.

If he had eaten anything, I doubt he would have been able to digest it normally.

I did end up putting on a wash. As I washed the towels in the bathroom once he left.

OP posts:
CalmShaker · 25/12/2025 22:41

did the bathroom clean up ok op?

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 25/12/2025 22:46

Ohpleeeease · 25/12/2025 21:57

I think it’s understandable you didn’t want him in the house but a bit brutal to send him home if I’m honest. If he was feeling ill he was probably dreading coming anyway. He lives alone and has diarrhoea, he could become very ill very quickly. I’d have made arrangements for him to be cared for even if it meant your DH taking him home.

Yes; although technically YANBU, your actions do make me think of you as being a bit like Sonia (from Gavin and Stacey).

Editing as your follow up actions were very thoughtful - sorry should have read all your posts first.

Sassylovesbooks · 25/12/2025 22:49

Your FIL shouldn't have come to your home, knowing he had a stomach bug. My parents are in their 80's and wouldn't dream of coming to my home if one of them was ill, no matter what the illness might be. My SIL one Christmas Day went home early as she wasn't feeling great, tested positive for COVID, and we told her not to come for Boxing Day. We didn't want it, and it was better for her to stay at home to recover, rather than spreading her germs around. You weren't unreasonable, in asking your FIL to go home.

Iheartguacamole · 25/12/2025 23:03

I’m a 44 year old woman in good health. But earlier on this year I had diarrhoea so bad (caught from someone at work) I felt like every molecule of water was trying to leave my body via my rectum. I shat the bed. I’ve never been that ill before and I had to take a week off work due to severe fatigue. I never ever want to feel like that again so if anyone attempted to step in to my home and they had diarrhoea they would be frogmarched out. Outrageous that your fil thought it would be ok to come to your home.

MCF86 · 25/12/2025 23:35

YANBU but your husband sounds like a bit of a prick tbh