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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For sending FIL home as he has Diarrhoea?

51 replies

Donimo · 25/12/2025 21:46

DH and I were hosting christmas dinner today at 4pm for FIL, DM, Sister and our 3 children (under 6). F

FIL turns up today 3-4 hours early. When FIL arrived whilst we were eating brunch and he explained he came early as he was feeling unwell so not sure how long he would stay. I said that's fine but we can't really eat dinner any earlier as I've not even put the oven on yet.

We set another place at the table and said to help himself to brunch which was a self service affair on the table. Just as he was about to take a slice a toast he informs us he has been up all night with Diarrhoea. At which point I stop him picking up the toast with his hands and pass him a slice using a fork.

I then sit there for the rest of brunch fuming he has come to our home with Diarrhoea and trying to make sure he doesn't touch anything. He then goes off to the toliet (for quite a while). During this time I tell my DH I'm really not happy for him to stay. DH clarifies with FIL when he had Diarrhoea and FIL confirms multiple times over the last 12 hours or so. (Had to change bed sheets this morning- so obviously fairly badly). DH tells FIL that Donimo is not happy for you to stay in that case and tells FIL Donimo is refusing to have him for dinner.

Once he left I disinfected the bathroom and everything at the dinner table and made the children wash their hands. I'm praying no-one gets ill.

Should I have let him stay and take the risk of us being ill. As he lives alone since MIL passed away a few years ago.

AIBU to take to send him home?

OP posts:
OmNomShiva · 25/12/2025 23:36

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Radiosn · 25/12/2025 23:43

Yanbu.
He shouldn't have come near your home.
Really selfish.
Your husband sounds like a right twat too.
Is he a 4th child that he couldn't own the decision to his father tjat putting the whole house, including 3 young children at risk was a really selfish unreasonable thing to do?
I would be fuming at them both.

WingingItSince1973 · 26/12/2025 01:16

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What???

thepariscrimefiles · 26/12/2025 06:39

Ohpleeeease · 25/12/2025 21:57

I think it’s understandable you didn’t want him in the house but a bit brutal to send him home if I’m honest. If he was feeling ill he was probably dreading coming anyway. He lives alone and has diarrhoea, he could become very ill very quickly. I’d have made arrangements for him to be cared for even if it meant your DH taking him home.

If most normal people had diarrhoea so badly that they went to the toilet several times during the night and had an accident in bed, they would phone or message to say that they wouldn't be able to come to Christmas dinner.

If he was dreading coming, why did he turn up even earlier than expected, to a house with small children?

OP's DH was unreasonable to keep blaming OP for him having to leave.

JG24 · 26/12/2025 06:51

Why did your husband blame you? Why didn't he tell him to go home

cobrakaieaglefang · 26/12/2025 08:15

Was it viral or has he eaten something dodgy?
A lot if people don't check food for dates, once its home it gets eaten eventually.

Original poster
Donimo · 26/12/2025 08:26

cobrakaieaglefang · 26/12/2025 08:15

Was it viral or has he eaten something dodgy?
A lot if people don't check food for dates, once its home it gets eaten eventually.

No idea. If we knew it was just something he had eaten I wouldn't have had an issue with him staying. As obviously as there would be no risk of making others unwell

OP posts:
Original poster
Donimo · 26/12/2025 08:30

But a few years back. He did the same thing and arrived for a meal with Diarrhoea. I never said anything that time. But a day later half the family had it.

OP posts:
Tryingatleast · 26/12/2025 08:35

HazelMember
DH tells FIL that Donimo is not happy for you to stay in that case and tells FIL Donimo is refusing to have him for dinner.
Was DH happy to have him stay for dinner? He really made sure his DF knew it was you to blame.
to be fair op did say it to dh instead of saying it to fil and maybe dh wanted him to stay which I wouldn’t have agreed with but stil. Op could have said it instead of getting dh to

saveforthat · 26/12/2025 08:40

Donimo · 26/12/2025 08:30

But a few years back. He did the same thing and arrived for a meal with Diarrhoea. I never said anything that time. But a day later half the family had it.

Here comes the drip feed.

autumnboys · 26/12/2025 08:42

My DM spent Christmas Day alone as she has a cold/virus, feels very unwell and didn’t want to spread it. We have MIL with us, who has a progressive lung disease and she didn’t want to give it to her.

i would be very much less than thrilled at someone turning up with diarrhoea. I hope he’s okay though.

THisbackwithavengeance · 26/12/2025 08:46

Difficult. In principle YANBU but you do sound a bit paranoid and OTT with all the sanitising and towel washing.

HazelMember · 26/12/2025 08:50

Donimo · 26/12/2025 08:30

But a few years back. He did the same thing and arrived for a meal with Diarrhoea. I never said anything that time. But a day later half the family had it.

DH still presented it as a you problem rather than looking out for the family. He had to wait until you told him what to do rather than deal with it himself.

How can you even look at him?

HazelMember · 26/12/2025 08:51

Tryingatleast · 26/12/2025 08:35

HazelMember
DH tells FIL that Donimo is not happy for you to stay in that case and tells FIL Donimo is refusing to have him for dinner.
Was DH happy to have him stay for dinner? He really made sure his DF knew it was you to blame.
to be fair op did say it to dh instead of saying it to fil and maybe dh wanted him to stay which I wouldn’t have agreed with but stil. Op could have said it instead of getting dh to

OP did say it to DH but DH presented as it was Donimo who was objecting not him.

zizza · 26/12/2025 09:09

There's a reason why we tell people to stay away from work (at a hospital) until they're 48 hrs clear of their last episode of diarrhoea! You did the right thing as there was no way of knowing if it was viral or not. As others have said, just keep a distant eye on him and visit when he's better to check on things

Original poster
Donimo · 26/12/2025 10:29

DH has just gone to call FIL to see how he is and before calling said would it be ok for him to come to your dad's for lunch today as he missed out yesterday. (We are going to my dad's and step mums for the day).

We have no set plans over the weekend so I have said why don't we do something with him over the weekend as long as he is well today.

For those asking about my DH's opinion. My DH never sees the issue on risk of spreading illness. He is the type to try to go into the office the day after diarrhoea or other illnesses, until I insist he wfh (which he can easily do). Whereas I've worked most my carer in hospitals.

Also to add I had to miss out on the first 3 days of my premature twins lives due to diarrhoea. I had a traumatic birth and most likely due to the medications I was given (told by the anaesthetic) I got diarrhoea post birth. So I couldn't visit them in special care until 48 hours clear of symptoms with a negative c-diff result. So maybe this has affected my thinking too.

OP posts:
HazelMember · 26/12/2025 11:53

Donimo · 26/12/2025 10:29

DH has just gone to call FIL to see how he is and before calling said would it be ok for him to come to your dad's for lunch today as he missed out yesterday. (We are going to my dad's and step mums for the day).

We have no set plans over the weekend so I have said why don't we do something with him over the weekend as long as he is well today.

For those asking about my DH's opinion. My DH never sees the issue on risk of spreading illness. He is the type to try to go into the office the day after diarrhoea or other illnesses, until I insist he wfh (which he can easily do). Whereas I've worked most my carer in hospitals.

Also to add I had to miss out on the first 3 days of my premature twins lives due to diarrhoea. I had a traumatic birth and most likely due to the medications I was given (told by the anaesthetic) I got diarrhoea post birth. So I couldn't visit them in special care until 48 hours clear of symptoms with a negative c-diff result. So maybe this has affected my thinking too.

My DH never sees the issue on risk of spreading illness.

Even though you all got ill last time FIL did this? He is happy for his young children to get ill unnecessarily?

He sounds like a real prize.

Youcanbuymeflowers · 27/12/2025 09:10

Hope you're all still ok @Donimo and no one got ill!

Ps. I voted yanbu... People who don't honour the 48h rule anger me so much! It's incredibly selfish and there is never an excuse.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 27/12/2025 09:13

Not at all. I would have asked him if it was a bug or something he ate the minute he announced the scenes last night. I would send him packing with his toast in a lunch bag.

Alloveragain44 · 27/12/2025 09:17

I'm intrigued what or who Donimo is? It's too early OP I'm sorry just realised it's your user name 😔

LizzieBananas · 27/12/2025 09:26

As a person with IBS, if I followed the 48-hour rule, I wouldn’t have a job.

A little bit of kindness would not go amiss. Also, did you even check if he’d had an accident at your house or just assume?

chunkyBoo · 27/12/2025 09:56

I’d have sent DH over with a plate of nice Christmas dinner for him at home …
can’t be nice having to go out when you’re unwell.

gamerchick · 27/12/2025 10:00

LizzieBananas · 27/12/2025 09:26

As a person with IBS, if I followed the 48-hour rule, I wouldn’t have a job.

A little bit of kindness would not go amiss. Also, did you even check if he’d had an accident at your house or just assume?

I have gut issues as well. But you know the difference a flare up and illness. It's still a change in bowl habits and we automatically pay attention to them.

Quincette · 27/12/2025 10:05

If I had diarrhoea so bad it made me shit the bed, I really would not want to be anywhere but home. It was strange that he still turned up.

I wouldn’t have been stressed about infection, just that he’d make the loo stink!

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/12/2025 10:14

saveforthat · 26/12/2025 08:40

Here comes the drip feed.

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Which is so pertinent, it’s more of an avalanche feed!

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