Is this me or not?

[Horseskeepmesane]

Guest at mil today with my kids and oh and oh’s brother and wife and their kids, all primary age kids. Sil turns up and has brought dessert, cheeses and pate with her,towards the meal, I am shocked as no mention was made to me about contributing at all, I feel really hurt and cut out by this, Aibu?

It could just as easily have been your sil that misjudged. I think it is quite an individual thing with different people having different expectations on what is expected both as a host and as a guest. Personally as a host, I would want to plan the whole meal rather than have sometime else do pudding but I also know, that for others or different occasions, others contributing works better.

Seems like an over reaction. Rather than ask IF i can bring anything i tend to ask 'what shall i bring' as I always assume I'll bring something, i might even suggest a dish or 2 and if they say nothing then i will take drinks and maybe flowers for the host.

I cant tell if you did ask this time and were told nothing, if so youre off the hook, maybe SIL especially wanted to contribute and they had it covered. If you assumed based on previous conversations then its on you, its good manners to offer each time imo so just do that next time.

I do think you are over reacting though, someone else bringing food is hardly a slight on you?!

It's not swings and roundabouts as the second poster only made their comment in response to the first (idiotic) one. Why people need to derail threads with all this "what about men" nonsense is beyond me.

(and yes, if my exDH and I had turned up with food it would have been all his doing rather than mine!)

So why do you feel hurt and cut out? Pointlessly dramatic

We always check what they need and check again on the way there of anyone has forgotten anything we can pick it up but we still take something even if it a box of biscuits or something for them later after everyone has gone home

But it does not have to be some weird political thing

Never in a million years would I turn up empty handed.

And yet, you’re the one who’s feeling hard done to 🤯
YABU.

If she wasn’t asked, her contribution may actually have been unwelcome as it will have taken up precious fridge space.

I’m not sure I understand your reaction, it sounds a little bit competitive.

What a bizarre response to a PP talking about their perspective.