Neighbours complaining about noisy dc in garden

[Xmasinthegarden]

We got the dc (8 and 5) a lot of presents for the garden (mud kitchen , outdoor toys, football/goals basketball hoop etc) they both have AuDHD and need to let off steam in the fresh air.

They were in the garden 10-1. Then back out again after lunch 230-430.

We had had a text from the neighbours at 115pm saying ‘we have guests today and would appreciate a little less noise from the garden thanks’ which I ignored but when the dc went back out at 230pm we had them knocking and telling us that they have family there and some are quite elderly and want peace and quiet and their niece has a newborn and all the commotion from our garden is very irritating as they are trying to relax in their conservatory. I said that the dc were not being that noisy and they wouldn’t be out there past 430 anyway. They said if this happens again tomorrow they will file a ‘noise complaint’ and may call the police!

The dc were just playing, not screaming or fighting. Just running about. Some ball bouncing yes but nothing terrible. They play out pretty much every day and this hasn’t been an issue before ? The neighbours moved in Feb this year so obviously it’s their first Xmas here but they would have known our dc play out a lot ?

They have text now with a ‘gentle reminder - tomorrow needs to be a calm peaceful day. Thanks for your cooperation’ wtf !!!

AIBU to ignore this ? We are home in the morning them leaving at 1230 to see my parents so if the dc play in the garden it wont be for that long just 2/3 hours in the morning.

To be honest I see both sides to this but ultimately, your household sounds dysfunctional and you are like the neighbours from hell.

Realistically, would you want someone like you and your kids living next to you? Imagine your neighbours had neurodiverse kids needing to let off steam and doing the same thing by creating constant loud noise…setting off your own kids in the process? You could surely understand that your own kids wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of this. How do you know that no one in the neighbours house has additional needs?

I get that you don’t give a shit about anyone but your own household but your attitude just isn’t really sustainable. You’re yapping about how society will be intolerant of your kids in the future but like, you are perpetuating those stereotypes yourself.

Well yes, the police don’t deal with noise complaints. The council does. Common sense surely.

What an absolute nightmare. Your poor, poor neighbours.

Both me and my DP are ND - he is autistic and very sensitive to noise.

We found a perfect large 2 bedroom flat in a converted mill that’s in the middle of nowhere with just 5 other flats.
The other tenants are older and the other flats are 1 bedroom or the bigger ones have a lot of stairs and balconies so not suitable for children.

We had 7 happy years where everyone got on and it was peaceful, we have huge separate gardens that we made communal and made a little allotment, we bought shared garden furniture, BBQs and made a fire pit.
There is a river that runs past the mill, it’s surrounded by fields and a long drive without an obvious entrance so it’s like a little piece of paradise, no one expected anyone to move in who had children but Covid made exceptions.

We had new neighbours move in in 2020 who were renting a one bedroom flat above us, they didn’t mention they had 4 kids who they had Monday - Thursday every week. All 4 were in a small bedroom directly above ours.

The kids ran riot, our gardens were trashed and paddling pools, basketball hoops and football goals appeared, they would be outside for hours at a time or we’d hear constant noise if they were inside and banging and crashing then the kids were screamed at to go outside.

The noise was so bad and consistent DP moved out for a while, I nearly had a breakdown and my elderly neighbour had a heart attack, he is convinced is through stress due to his living environment.

We asked nicely, begged and complained about the noise but it made our lives hell. In the end when nothing was done we decided we’d retaliate.

We took over the gardens and invited guests, played loud music and as me and DP are practically nocturnal and work nights we stopped being considerate about noise and hoovered, used blenders, hairdryers etc and kept them awake most nights.
We mentioned that we had a pet snake who had escaped in the kids ear shot knowing one was terrified of them, it was mean but we were pretty desperate for peace at that point!

In the end they moved, it took 4.5 years which must have been awful for those kids (3 girls aged around 6-13 and a boy of around 10) all in one room. I think they excused the room situation by the amount of outside space.

I think the situation would have been bearable if the parent/stepparent had listened and made the noise more tolerable but they just said kids can make noise and that trumps everything, they excused it as “normal family noise” but it wasn’t.

We had the biggest garden party when they left! I live in a small village though and I’ve already heard they are terrorising the new neighbours.

I know people say kids have the right to make noise but there should be consideration for people who don’t choose to listen to it.
I hope OP doesn’t complain if her neighbours choose to retaliate and make noise back…

Your neighbours seem very tolerant , you on the other hand couldn’t give them a few hours of peace on Christmas Day . Shame on you .

^This. You say your neighbours sent a note, which ‘you ignored’, and in every other post you’ve bleated on endlessly about your kids’ needs. I imagine you’re probably totally ignorant of a) the impact of the noise your children are making and b) anyone else’s needs.

It's more like the neighbours who'll be loading up the thrash metal at dawn.

It's a pretty selfish attitude but then that's both MN and the UK in general.

OP probably can't reply because she will be busy getting her kids ready for another 5 hours in the garden because that's what they need with no consideration for her neighbours.

So long as it's after 7am and before 11pm they are entitled to use their garden as they please

This is not the case. Any noise can constitute a nuisance, even within permitted hours. An example would be a party from 9.00. to 11.00. every Friday is within the permitted times, but its repetition would be a nuisance.

Sorry, that should be a party that neighbours can hear.

I agree with this👆🏻
take the balls away as they are noisy when they bang against the fence. But aside from that, let them enjoy the garden.

Especially if you were sitting in a conservatory with doors shut in the winter - you shouldn’t hear them.

i’m still reeling over the fact that OP thinks it’s acceptable to have kids out in the garden in the long summer holidays and the many spring holidays and Bank Holidays from 8 am to 6 pm, day in and day out and saying they would be “more noisy” then as they’d also be splashing in a paddling pool. As the dc are stressed by going out, we can assume they live in the garden and the neighbours never catch a break except during schooldays (which are short). So they must have expected Christmas Day at least to be peaceful.

i think it takes courage to complain if they’ve been tolerant for 10 long months. So it would be nice if OP respected that and communicated

A complaint to the police about kids playing in their garden, will make the operators day and will be one for the most pathetic complaint of the day. I know I work in a police control room ! Enjoy your christmas day with the kids, ignore the miserable neighbours.

It’s the first time they’ve asked this. They are asking for one day, not all the time. I don’t think they’re being unreasonable. You could be neighbourly and take your kids to the park or for a long walk somewhere to meet them half way.

Kids playing is normal outside noise.

the council / police etc won’t bad an eyelid over this.

they might roll their eyes at the loons complaining though.

your neighbours are nutters

I bet many of those moaning grew up in a time when children these ages could roam around independently. That is not considered acceptable or safe now because child safeguarding is much better. The OP has a house with a garden specifically for the purpose of her children having a decent outside space in which to play. This is healthy for any child and these children have additional needs that make it vital.

The entitlement here comes from the neighbours who have bought a house in close proximity to other families then expect not to hear their neighbours, particularly at Christmas when children will be very excited. It’s ridiculous to suggest that the children can’t enjoy their own garden on Christmas Day or that doing so is “inconsiderate”.

This doesn’t come anywhere close to meeting the definition of nuisance noise. If the neighbours are oversensitive to noise they can get noise reduction earphones (that block out background noise but still enable you to hear nearby conversations perfectly well), or triple glazing, or move to somewhere isolated if they require complete silence: they should buy a property that meets their specific needs just as the OP has done.

I say this as someone autistic who is very sensitive to noise. That’s why I bought a detached house.

OP - ignore these selfish, miserable idiots.

Ignore all this. It is completely and utterly selfish and inconsiderate. You bought an attached house, not a rural detached property, and as such you need to be considerate of your neighbours. If you want your children to make all the noise they want all day every day, move to a rural location.

@ChristmasDayIsHere different people buy houses with gardens for different reasons. And that reason can change over time. Many people like gardens to sit out in, to relax, others for a place where their children to play. Surely it is neighbourly to understand that. My garden is my go to place at the moment as times are tough with serious illness in extended family. Years ago it was the place where DC played. But at that time we had elderly neighbours next door so we were mindful of how much noise DC made as next door’s garden was very much a place for them to relax in. Gardens are not just for DC to play noisily in for hours.

What happens when OP’s DC are older? They might not accept a sponge ball then. DC had light balls for the garden. Proper football had to be used in the park.

Most suburban gardens are not large enough for proper games of football etc. That’s what parks are designed for.

Fortunately the law disagrees with your entitled intolerance of normal family life.

They aren’t doing anything wrong but I’m glad I don’t live next door to you

People buy houses for many reasons but there are trade offs and if you choose to buy an attached house or a house with adjoining gardens it’s highly likely there will be some noise from other people using their gardens for the purposes that suit their family. Everyone knows this so to complain about it is ridiculous.

Anti-social nuisance noise is illegal and enforcement takes place. Children playing in their gardens in the daytime does not fall into this category legally so society has judged that the people being unreasonable when there is a complaint about that are the complainants, not the children doing what is normal and healthy for children to do. It’s not “inconsiderate” to carry out perfectly normal day to day family activities. To expect someone else not to do so because someone else has chosen to live in a residential area where this is highly likely is what is entitled and selfish and, frankly, makes the people moaning about it look ridiculous. It’s like buying a house near an airport or motorway then moaning about flight noise/ traffic noise.

As I said I am very sensitive to noise due to being autistic but that’s not other people’s problem: I bought a house to meet my needs with this in mind and I take measures to mitigate the impact like using noise dampening earphones. I can’t imagine what a miserable person you’d have to be to complain about children playing excitedly on Christmas Day and to then send passive-aggressive messages to their parents! How embarrassing.

Our neighbours have a basketball hoop. Thankfully it's not used much, but it's a very annoying noise.

I messaged them this morning to say that we are out this afternoon so the dc will only be in the garden a couple of hours as we will be back late. They replied ‘In that case we will be popping round in 5 minutes’
They knocked on the door and gave me a bag with 2 bubble wands in and said they thought the dc may prefer to play with those this morning outside instead of the balls. I said I’d ordered some sponge ones .

Have you explained to your neighbours why your kids are in the garden so much? It might help them to understand the stakes here, and as you mentioned previously what the sound profile will look like if they’re kept indoors.

I’d also be annoyed by a lot of noise, but if this is the norm then I’d also have spoken to you ahead of time and asked if there was a way to get a little quiet on Christmas Day that would suit both parties. In the end though, it’s kids making noise. As long as it’s not at inappropriate hours or involving constant screaming they don’t really have a leg to stand on, but that doesn’t mean you want to end up in a situation where you have angry neighbours who might behave in a way that takes away your kids’ perceived safety in their back garden (i.e. telling them off over the fence etc).

Edit: cross posted with your reply! Seems like they’re handling it well and it was the ball.

I intentionally used exactly the same arguments that you did. It is purely a different persecutive.