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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ND DS overwhelmed this morning

35 replies

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 08:38

He was up very early (5am) he’s 7 and suspected ADHD and ASD.
He opened his stocking and was then impatient to open presents downstairs. We were down before 7am.
He then started ripping all the presents open without even checking the labels, we told him to slow down as he accidentally opened one of mine.
He then had a huge meltdown sobbing and carried on opening each gift but not paying attention to whatever he was opening.

I put so much time and effort into choosing the presents for him. I feel utterly deflated. I also have autism and adhd and I also started my period this morning which isn’t helping.
I’ve got major RSD and just fed up with it all.

OP posts:

MamaJenni · 25/12/2025 08:41

Try to calm the morning down. Concentrate on one toy and build it. Fellow ND household here. Weve had christmases like that before. We now slow it down to take in turns to open gifts.

PersephoneParlormaid · 25/12/2025 08:41

When he calms down he’ll have another look and enjoy what he’s got.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 25/12/2025 08:42

Sending support and empathy.

Christmas is very hard for our AuDHD 6 year old. We’ve had to completely reset our expectations around what it will be like.

We’re going down to do presents shortly and he’s just stated that there’s only one thing he wants and that he’s been waiting for since last Christmas…… this is the first we’ve heard of it!! And he doesn’t have it, so we know we’ll have a meltdown approaching….

SunnieShine · 25/12/2025 08:42

Next year don't leave the presents out. Hand them out one by one.

Wisperley · 25/12/2025 08:43

Agree with poster above. Just remember, he's only 7 - next year, slow it down. For now, pick a present, put the rest to one side, and enjoy them one at a time.

GreyCloudsLooming · 25/12/2025 08:44

One present only at that age, plus a stocking. But if you’ve bought too much, the damage is done. Slow it right down. Remove most of the presents and just look at one at a time.

BookArt55 · 25/12/2025 08:44

That is so hard. Have you considered putting a plan in place discussed before the day and repeated. For example, my 6 (ND) and 3 year old went into the living room and my 6 year old burst into tears, just felt overwhelmed. We then take it in turns for everyone to open one present at a time. We start with the kids and then they can play with that present while the adults take turns. But it slows the process down. I've also kept presents back by telling family that the kids can open their present with them when we see them.
I also have the added issue that my 6 year olds birthday is in a few days. So we tend to open present over roughly 2 weeks, sometimes one a day.
I understand how hard it is. You've naturally put pressure on yourself to make it special, but it's okay! He will take time to reset and then just give him one of the presents to open and explore.
Christmas with ND kids doesn't have to look like everyone else's. It's about you, as a family, enjoying yourselves. I'm also ND, and this year was the best Christmas we have had from my perspective too (we celebrated Christmas last weekend as the kids are with their dad today) because we have done it at a slower pace and I didn't feel rushed by extended family, it acrually worked out well when I'd been dreading having an early Christmas.

Really feel for you, make a cup of tea or glass of champagne and remember you've done everything as a parent to make this special, that version of special juat looks a little different.

Morph22010 · 25/12/2025 08:45

My son is 15 and nd and struggles with Christmas massively, we’ve had some horrific Christmas’s and we had to have the police out last night as he became so dysregulated. My expectations are now very low and if we can make it through Christmas alive that’s a success. It’s really hard as it’s supposed to be a happy special time and the reality is it’s the most stressful time of the year.

Only2daystogo · 25/12/2025 08:50

Calm down, it’s fine. He will lots of emotions and is expressing them. This is good. Work out what he needs today.

In a couple of weeks you can start to work out what would be better for him. We’re just starting to figure this out for my autistic 9 year old. Gifts from other people are spread out before and after Christmas day, she knows what most of her gifts are and has seen them in advance, not too many gifts, all her gifts are in her sack and the run up to Christmas is much more chilled than we used to do.

philippapheasant · 25/12/2025 08:53

Sympathy OP. My two year old just keeps screaming and crying in frustration and I don’t even know why. I suspect she’s overwhelmed but hasn’t got the language to explain.

HarryVanderspeigle · 25/12/2025 08:55

We have had weeks of meltdowns from ds2 from all the disregulation of Christmas. I mean this kindly, but you putting lots of effort into choosing doesn't equal him having to be thankful, it's not a situation he chose. I do a different wrapping paper per person, so there is a clear visual on who opens what. They also know what their main present will be, so no surprises, ir anxiety that they won't get it. Christmas is hard for them with routine disruption, sensory overload and anticipation. Get yourself a treat and have a rest.

SparkFinder · 25/12/2025 08:56

Have you another room to retreat to with one present to enjoy? My ND teen was so dysregulated last night, but is now at the kitchen table, away from the sensory overload of the sitting room, making some Lego and eating a chocolate orange. The present opening is overwhelming but now there are opportunities to chill. There's no music or TV or sparkling lights in the kitchen, he can enjoy things one at a time in peace.

Original poster

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 09:09

Mid meltdown he said:

”This is the worst Christmas ever!”

He seems to have calmed down a bit now since. Now in kitchen drawing and playing with one or two gifts.

OP posts:

itsgettingweird · 25/12/2025 09:12

My ds has ASD.

I use to build his presents at that age (loved rollercoaster toys) so he could get up and just watch it go around and around for hours!

It really helped him manage his expectations of the day as we then went to my parents and the hand them out one by one so that was also controlled for him.

He was less of a stick stuck in and more of an overwhelmed Christmas boy as he wasn’t sure how to react to things.

we would then spend the next few days t home just allowing him to explore his stuff at his own pace and make any Lego models.

Earlybirdvsnightowl · 25/12/2025 09:14

We've had to spread it out over the week, also lessen amount. So eve, day, boxing day there's a few under tree each morning 😅 any gifts from others is opened when given.

So far so good, not like the monumental meltdown last year.

Only2daystogo · 25/12/2025 09:15

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 09:09

Mid meltdown he said:

”This is the worst Christmas ever!”

He seems to have calmed down a bit now since. Now in kitchen drawing and playing with one or two gifts.

You know what he means by that is “I’m overwhelmed right now”.

christmasoverwhelm · 25/12/2025 09:17

I’m sorry, it’s so hard. What we did this year was let our ND child choose presents in advance. 5 gifts, and so they knew what to expect. No surprises. It has made a huge difference. They were thrilled to see they got exactly what they asked for.
might not work for everyone but it’s been hugely helpful for our child.

Morph22010 · 25/12/2025 09:19

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 09:09

Mid meltdown he said:

”This is the worst Christmas ever!”

He seems to have calmed down a bit now since. Now in kitchen drawing and playing with one or two gifts.

I’ve had that before too please don’t take it personally, it’s so hard not to but he just can’t cope well with the day and doesn’t know how to express

MandSLetDown · 25/12/2025 09:21

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 09:09

Mid meltdown he said:

”This is the worst Christmas ever!”

He seems to have calmed down a bit now since. Now in kitchen drawing and playing with one or two gifts.

Reframe it as what he actually means is: “this is the worst I’ve felt at Christmas (in that moment)”.

solidarity, OP and others for whom
today is difficult.

Potatoelephant · 25/12/2025 09:25

My DD14 is suspected ND and has a lot of anxiety. We had meltdowns when she was younger but didn’t really understand what they were. As she’s got older and been able to express her feelings more it’s the expectation to be festive and jolly which causes her stress.

this year I have reassured her there are no expectations on her, she can be as involved or uninvolved as she wants. The only requirement is that she say says hello and goodbye and is polite to visitors. Also reduced the number of decorations, we’ve not had any big Xmas days out and this morning DH and I just pottered about as she opened her presents rather than sitting and watching.

even that was a lot of her and she is away back to bed for a sleep!

Morph22010 · 25/12/2025 09:25

GreyCloudsLooming · 25/12/2025 08:44

One present only at that age, plus a stocking. But if you’ve bought too much, the damage is done. Slow it right down. Remove most of the presents and just look at one at a time.

Please don’t say stuff like this, it’s not the op’s fault and she’s not done anything wrong. Ok it didn’t work for her son now she knows and can try something different. There is no rule book for what works for every autistic child, people have to figure it out themselves. She could have done what you say and things still not gone well, there is always someone that whatever you do that doesn’t work loves to tell you where you went wrong and what you should have done. She’s had a bad morning anyway she doesn’t need people putting her down further, suggestions of what might work in future are ok but they won’t necessarily work either, it’s about finding what’s right for each child. Then even when you’ve done that and think you are there they get older and it changes

HetTup · 25/12/2025 09:26

AuDHD daughter and son with ASD both young adults now so Christmas is much less stressed. But I have been there. The Christmas when we goy the gift for ds wrong and DH ended up on eBay buying and collecting the right thing the same day - that was fun! The day I had refused to get a JoJo bunny toy as it was cheap plastic tat, and that was all dd wanted... What a meltdown and she was so sad I think I heard DH s heart crack. There have been dinner meltdowns, present meltdowns and boxing day meltdowns. We rolled with them and learned from every one. We made our own Christmas traditions and have a lot of lovely memories which is what has stayed with us. I don't do surprise gifts for the ND children and if they don't like a gift I don't take it personally they are straightforward communicators if they don't want something they don't pretend to like it. I really value that now but I am also patient and am wise enough to know they can change their minds about what they want or like so an unwanted gift can transform into a wanted one given time and space . Good luck with the rest of your day x

Burntt · 25/12/2025 09:27

My whole Christmas is structured around not overwhelming my autistic son. He’s playing with his stocking stuff now but hasn’t even seen gifts that would normally be under a tree. People get VERY strict instructions bring your gifts when you visit not in advance he will open them with you not be expected to wait. We have no decorations up nothing is different about the house gif Christmas. It gets comments and makes me sad before but I’m really happy with it so far this year. The decorations always overstimulate him so we haven’t done those in a couple years and this year is the first where my gifts to all kids are not visable (he actually asked me to send them to someone else’s house so they don’t wind him up!! Years I’ve been trying to teach him to self advocate. I’m joyful!!) and it’s made such a difference!! It’s not cruel and joyless at all it’s a calmer (mostly) child enjoying his stocking gifts with siblings also enjoying themselves not being evacuated from the room during a violent meltdown. I’m even on Mumsnet supervising all the kids not having to give my full attention as 1:1 juggling meltdown all day (hope I didn’t just jinx myself lol).

essentially I’m saying you need to do the Christmas that works for your family. RSD sucks, but he’s not rejecting your efforts or you he’s overwhelmed. Remove all the overstimulating stuff you can and plan a day that meets his needs not social expectations.

anoter tip I have is when the presents arrive have a rule one at a time we all watch each other in turn. I was appalled when we had our first Christmas with my step kids they all ripped into their gifts simultaneously didn’t know who got who what and it was over in a couple minutes. I’m autistic too and wow was that overstimulating. Now we dish out one at a time and have to bin the wrapping in the novelty bin bag (which I then sort and recycle ffs but it keeps the mess/overstimulation contained).

you will find ways that work for your family then probably be constantly adjusting and accommodating different every year. Frame it as his needs not a failure at Christmas or rejecting your efforts

QuickPeachPoet · 25/12/2025 09:30

Circuit breaker time out in his room or somewhere safe. There is a full day to get through and you can't have this escalating.

MangerThings · 25/12/2025 09:31

sending sympathy and recognition. Major meltdowns here last night, been up since 445am worrying about the day ahead. SUCH fun.

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