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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ND DS overwhelmed this morning

35 replies

Theponytales · 25/12/2025 08:38

He was up very early (5am) he’s 7 and suspected ADHD and ASD.
He opened his stocking and was then impatient to open presents downstairs. We were down before 7am.
He then started ripping all the presents open without even checking the labels, we told him to slow down as he accidentally opened one of mine.
He then had a huge meltdown sobbing and carried on opening each gift but not paying attention to whatever he was opening.

I put so much time and effort into choosing the presents for him. I feel utterly deflated. I also have autism and adhd and I also started my period this morning which isn’t helping.
I’ve got major RSD and just fed up with it all.

OP posts:
HEC2746 · 25/12/2025 09:32

Autistic DD 14 was quite upset with her stocking because it didn’t include the gifts she asked for; I had to take her aside and remind her that stockings aren’t for big bits and she still has presents from us to open. It’s hard for them at this age.

sashh · 25/12/2025 10:19

Good luck and unmumsnetty hugs to all of you.

I have only just realised Christmas could be used as a torture weapon for ND people.

I'm glad I don't do it. But then I don't have children.

GreyCloudsLooming · 25/12/2025 17:55

Morph22010 · 25/12/2025 09:25

Please don’t say stuff like this, it’s not the op’s fault and she’s not done anything wrong. Ok it didn’t work for her son now she knows and can try something different. There is no rule book for what works for every autistic child, people have to figure it out themselves. She could have done what you say and things still not gone well, there is always someone that whatever you do that doesn’t work loves to tell you where you went wrong and what you should have done. She’s had a bad morning anyway she doesn’t need people putting her down further, suggestions of what might work in future are ok but they won’t necessarily work either, it’s about finding what’s right for each child. Then even when you’ve done that and think you are there they get older and it changes

Show quote history

Well, that’s your opinion. But in my opinion, one present per child from the parents is absolutely standard. Any child would be overwhelmed with loads of presents. And what’s the point? It makes me quite cross.

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 25/12/2025 18:08

Morph22010 · 25/12/2025 08:45

My son is 15 and nd and struggles with Christmas massively, we’ve had some horrific Christmas’s and we had to have the police out last night as he became so dysregulated. My expectations are now very low and if we can make it through Christmas alive that’s a success. It’s really hard as it’s supposed to be a happy special time and the reality is it’s the most stressful time of the year.

I just wanted to tell you, after reading this, that we had to same kind of thing every Christmas. This year, for the first time ever (he’s 18 now) we have had a genuinely brilliant time. He’s matured all of a sudden and things are so ‘normal’ (I hate that word but they really are). I keep finding myself with tears randomly running down my face, in awe at what life looks like now. If someone had said this to me 3 years ago, I’d have thought they were crazy. I had absolutely no hope left. I really hope this gives you a sliver of hope.

vanillalattes · 25/12/2025 18:12

GreyCloudsLooming · 25/12/2025 17:55

Well, that’s your opinion. But in my opinion, one present per child from the parents is absolutely standard. Any child would be overwhelmed with loads of presents. And what’s the point? It makes me quite cross.

Show quote history

It's not standard in my world, so maybe it's not in the OP's world either.

Your comments aren't helpful in the slightest.

RightSheSaid · 25/12/2025 18:14

I found that colour coding gifts helpful. My kids each have there own wrapping paper in their favourite colour. That stops confusion.

Also, less is more. My kids only get a few gifts at a time. That way they open them, have a play and then get more later. It's less overwhelming.

Getting out and about seems to help my 2. We like to go for a walk, scoot or into the garden a few times to let off steam.

I know a lot of effort goes into the day, but it's trial and error like any other day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

My kids favourite gift were the books. They weren't fussed for the things that actually cost money.

RightSheSaid · 25/12/2025 18:18

Burntt · 25/12/2025 09:27

My whole Christmas is structured around not overwhelming my autistic son. He’s playing with his stocking stuff now but hasn’t even seen gifts that would normally be under a tree. People get VERY strict instructions bring your gifts when you visit not in advance he will open them with you not be expected to wait. We have no decorations up nothing is different about the house gif Christmas. It gets comments and makes me sad before but I’m really happy with it so far this year. The decorations always overstimulate him so we haven’t done those in a couple years and this year is the first where my gifts to all kids are not visable (he actually asked me to send them to someone else’s house so they don’t wind him up!! Years I’ve been trying to teach him to self advocate. I’m joyful!!) and it’s made such a difference!! It’s not cruel and joyless at all it’s a calmer (mostly) child enjoying his stocking gifts with siblings also enjoying themselves not being evacuated from the room during a violent meltdown. I’m even on Mumsnet supervising all the kids not having to give my full attention as 1:1 juggling meltdown all day (hope I didn’t just jinx myself lol).

essentially I’m saying you need to do the Christmas that works for your family. RSD sucks, but he’s not rejecting your efforts or you he’s overwhelmed. Remove all the overstimulating stuff you can and plan a day that meets his needs not social expectations.

anoter tip I have is when the presents arrive have a rule one at a time we all watch each other in turn. I was appalled when we had our first Christmas with my step kids they all ripped into their gifts simultaneously didn’t know who got who what and it was over in a couple minutes. I’m autistic too and wow was that overstimulating. Now we dish out one at a time and have to bin the wrapping in the novelty bin bag (which I then sort and recycle ffs but it keeps the mess/overstimulation contained).

you will find ways that work for your family then probably be constantly adjusting and accommodating different every year. Frame it as his needs not a failure at Christmas or rejecting your efforts

Thanks for this. I never even considered not having decorations or reducing them
It's something to think about moving forward.

cadentiasidera · 25/12/2025 22:01

I feel your pain. We had, "it's the worst Christmas ever" last year from our then 7 year old autistic/ probably ADHD daughter... Maybe it's the age! I hope things improved for you. There's some great advice on here, we've found it important to set expectations, make it clear what is happening when, plan in plenty of downtime, generally let go of this idea of a mythical perfect Christmas and do what works for us. One year we had carbonara for Christmas dinner as it's her favourite! This year we've spaced out presents more than usual and she's been a lot less overwhelmed/ overstimulated. I also made sure the days between breaking up from school and Christmas Day were as low demand as possible - we've not done many of the 'traditional' things and have watched a fair bit of TV but she's been more regulated as a result. I'm sure we'll keep learning more about how to make it work for us, especially as I've also been diagnosed autistic and ADHD this year and have realised how difficult I find a lot of it too! I hope you're doing ok 💐

JLou08 · 25/12/2025 22:54

A lot of ND children, and adults, find opening gifts overwhelming. It's an unknown. Try just having them laid out next year unwrapped.

Greyrock2828 · 25/12/2025 23:22

DS is 5 with ASD and suspected ADHD. We had some difficult Christmasses in the past like this but now we are in a better place. Presents only go under the tree the day before. Big stocking in the morning from Santa - enough to keep him occupied from the first half the day. Then we stagger his presents, opens 1 every 1/2 hours. We traditionally don't open presents under the tree until after lunch, so around 4pm and it works well to stagger everything otherwise he gets overwhelmed. We don't buy heaps and heaps either as its too much.

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