To be so suspicious all the time?

[CleverOpalPanda]

I have a big problem with jealousy and always check his following as my ex husband used to talk to other women.

Every time i fight with bf about it he gives me horrible silent treatment.

He followed a girl and he usually never follows women on insta or anywhere so I asked him who is she ,he said he knows her from work and I kind of believe it until he says you have asked me for her months ago on tiktok so i view her account there and I remembered when he followed her 6 months ago we had a fight and back then he said he didnt know her and removed her.

This woman is an architect and i am too so i tell him maybe i should follow her since we share this profession and he said ok.

I follow her and I dont feel proud about it at all but I have had a gut feeling for days with him hiding phone and also being quite distracted on his phone while on video call with me.

So i panicked and follow request her

2 mins later this woman had sent a screenshot to him asking who i was since he follows me and he replied, why has she spoken to you? but didnt disclose his reponse to her on who i was.
From screenshot you coulf tell this was not first time talking.

He send me message showing me their convo and saying look what you go and do and threatened to block me and never speak again to me as I am too jealous ,which I am and maybe my action put him in a position.

I texted saying its quite clear that he is speaking to her otherwise why would she screenshot me for a follow request and I ended the relationship.

He didnt reply but earlier on the phone he said i will show you now and hung up meaning he will give me silent treatment as he knows that freaks me out .
He uses silent treatment for even minor argument too and i am thinking i deserve it as i question him a lot.
At the same time if feels always like i cant get proper reasurance from him as on every argument he lashes out calling me too much and threatening to hang up the phone which also happens if i cry about smth.
I feel i over do it with my jealousy but my gut feeling is also screeming.
I am quite articulate with him and i dont shout or swear but usually analyse and discuss and i feel i dont deserve this as I always end up apologising and beg him to end silent treatment but the issue I had never gets resolved because of it and I feel resentment and walking on eggshells and so on.
Do i deserve this ?

Would you give a shit though if by mistake you caught your husband sexually speaking to women on social media ?thats what happened with my ex husband and i knw its not this guys fault but would you ever trust a mans following after witnessing this?and would you trust him if one day for whatever reason you do decide to ask about a follower and he lies about it ?He doesnt mind me asking him we consider it normal as he asks me too

Your weird and quite frankly I would give you more than the silent treatment, trying to control who a person can and can't talk to. Grow up and get over it. Anybody would start to feel cornered even tho no wrong is being done by the way your going on anyway

If my phone buzzes while on the phone with him he asks who is messaging me in an accusatory tone ,or why clients have my number but again if i ask the same I am the weird one ?I didnt mind him speaking, there is more context here ,he lied on who she was and ppl do that for a reason,if she genuinly is a friend and colleague I wouldnt get upset they talked as i have friends too .And again he doesnt mind at all me asking who he is following he considers it normal as he aslo can ask me and i woudnt get defensive ,there is no reason to .When he has asked me and I have told him for example this is my cousin following me he would jokingly say yh right your cousin everyone is your cousin ,so I guess i should have given him the silent treatment then ?Now he says in accusatory tone you should check your uni friends followers that you still keep on your socials and you claim this is my cousin and so on cause you are not so innocent either ,I never told him to stop following all women on this planet as ppl can have friends but he also assumes my cousins are not my cousins with no base for it,but if i get suspicious based on facts and lies I am the weird one ?

OP end this relationship. It is not good.
You need time to heal after your ex cheating on you. You need to be on your own for a while.
This man does not get that you are hurt. You are pushing him and being too clingy with him. And it got toxic. Leave. Heal. Start again with someone else.

This man gets defensive when his story doesnt line up.I Check his following frequently but i dont ask him constantly who every woman is unless i feel I have to ,this time i had a gut feeling before i even saw the follow cause he became colder all of a sudden and distracted texting on his phone while video calling me all this past week.When i saw the follow i felt intense anxiety and acted on it when his story didnt add up as in the past with other guys my gut feeling was always right.Last year i posted here about another guy and many ppl said i was crazy and was making crazy assumtions about him lying but every single assumption ended up to be true including him lying about his mum dying and I know this is a different guy but there is a line between being crazy and being burned enough to be able now to recognise same patterns ppl follow when being deceptive.I have ADHD so my brain analyses a lot

I need to clarify a thing for ppl saying I deserve the silent treatment ,this man threatens to leave or not talk to me for the slightest inconvenience I have that requires him giving me assurance not only when i get jealous also if i get upset for anything ever that he has done .One example of his behaviour was when i dressed sexy but he didnt get aroused so i felt hurt and embarassed as we also hadnt met for a month ,when i expressed hurt calmly but sad he got defensive got dressed and threatened to leave and not meet me again ,and i did not have a fight with him i was just silent and upset.Any person with empathy would have hugged me and told me sorry i was not in the mood but ofcourse i missed you and i find you attractive.I am to the point were i absorb things that hurt me only to not upset him so he doesnt give me silent treatment cause that gives me intense anxiety

Just leave.
It sounds like you do not leave together, so that makes it easier.
Just tell him it is over.
Stay on your own for a while and analyse why you are picking men with these tendencies. I would say you need a man who spends his time in the real world, insteak of social media. Someone who does sports, or cooking, or trekking or whatever, instead of following people on instagram.