To have to do an ‘Emma Thompson’ this Christmas?

[Changes26]

We all know the scene from ‘Love Actually’. AIBU to think I’m not the only one who is doing an Emma Thompson this Christmas? I.e. putting a brave face on whilst everything else crumbles around you?

You can share why you’re Emma Thompsoning your way through the festive period or just give a knowing nod whilst you scream inside.

Me? I’ve split up with my partner as I’ve realised it’s a toxic relationship after an incident last week. I’ve told no one and he’s back home after 4 night away. I am just smiling through it all so our daughter doesn’t have a shit Christmas and more difficult memories to work through in future therapy.

Separation, divorce, grief, bereavement, complicated family, homelessness or financial ruin?

Here’s to getting through the next few days and a brighter 2026!

Im so sorry for everyone going through the shit, especially at this time of year.

Mine is another bereavement, my biological Dad died 3 weeks ago and I have been floored by it. I never met him so feel ridiculous being so upset, and to add to feeling ridiculous I dont get any in sympathy cards or to go to the funeral. Oh and I got the news on my adopted Dad's birthday - he is also dead.

Really? What makes you sure? ET is acting the part of someone acting a part and the OP is referring to having to act. Practically no one would recognise the name of the fictional character yet everyone seems to know what the OP meant and it was clearly no disrespect to the actor.

Christmas is always awful for me, I was badly sexually abused by a relative every single year of my childhood whilst our family were having fun in the next room on Christmas Day and then had to play board games, pull crackers straight after as if nothing had happened.
It's such a triggering time and I don't even want to partake in any of it. Being forced to be happy. But I have a toddler now so I need to make an effort.

Same here, except not unexpected. Its shit isn't it. Hugs to you

Thing is, as women, it’s just assumed we will get it all sorted as it’s our ‘job’ no matter what 💩 is thrown. I’m so sorry to everyone having a crap time pretending they’re ok.

Me! I feel like total shite. Got young kids and trying to keep happy for them but a few weeks ago I discovered my husband has a new “friend” and has been texting her loads and met for dinner etc. not the first time and combined with other lies he has done over year it’s over. I feel like I’m mourning my old life and I’m so sad this has happened. I have hardly any mates and I’m a mum which is my whole personality it seems. I’m the wrong side of 40 and not rich and now I’ll be alone and poor forever. I can’t stop crying. I keep nipping to loo to cry. Told my kids I have a cold. I’ll never enjoy Christmas again.

he keeps asking me to give him another chance but he’s always letting me down and I’ve just lost all trust. I feel to blame too… if I had been more exciting or fun or less critical about stuff maybe I would have held his interest longer.

This is terrible and I’m so sorry it happened to you. This time of year must be insufferable. I hope you have support in real life?

I posted earlier, but just came off the phone with a family member who’s life has also gone to utter shit. She was knee deep in making mince pies whilst simultaneously making light work of a bottle of vodka.

We eventually wound up insisting to each other “fuck me, no yours is much worse” in some bizarro world of solidarity.

We detoured to a whole different tragedy that rocked everyone in our family to our boots, and still leaves an open wound. We reflected that that tragedy has in some weird twist of fate made us able to get up every day and deal with the present.

Im currently feeling oddly at peace, although to a passerby I look like a tear ridden maniac. Oddly I’ve also just bought new bedding and had an actual Emma moment about an hour ago.

There are times when I wonder at the capacities of regular people to square shoulders, do the one foot in front cliche. But we do. All the sodding time. And if this thread doesn’t make you cry then I don’t know what will.

To you all, my Christmas wish is that you will prevail. You’ll do dinner, open presents, smile at your kids and neaten your bedspread. But you will prevail.

Me too. It's incredible and very moving x

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.
please please take some time to try and focus on you and do something for you that calms you.
please prioritise yourself and the health of your baby... everything will pass. Sending much love xx

I am fully Emma Thompson. Lost my dad in April. Glioblastoma. Otherwise never known him be ill in my 42 years. Forging on for my two kids, my bereft mum - they met on holiday at19 ❤️, and my unusually amazing husband. Got all I ever wanted, family, career etc. I just want my dad 💔

That sound hell. Physically and mentally. I feel sorry for you too 😔

Yes somewhat. No one wants to hear about it though and recounting details is too painful so all we can do is say 'god I don't know why he did it' and cry because none of it makes sense. So I keep it inside most of the time. This year now I have a child of my own, I especially don't understand why he had to do it to me every Christmas, at a time of joy for children.

My aunt died today, unfortunately so quickly none of us managed to get to the hospital quickly enough and she died alone. Trying desperately to have a normal Christmas for my 14 year old DD.

So many questions, I’m sure. You are right, when it comes to any kind of personal trauma, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological ( or all of it) people don’t want to know. I’m sure recalling any of the details must be so painful for you. Give your child extra hugs and love. Again, I’m so sorry.

When you realise you married a cereal liar a life time ago and haven’t got the guts to go

I’m ETing too. I separated with my husband in the summer. Christmas is very different thing year. I am grateful as I have fantastic teen DC and realise there is a lot worse than can happen but I’m so sad. I put up with so much to try and keep us together as I just wanted to be with him.

@EarringsandLipstick I was similar a few years ago, you have totally valid feelings.
Lockdown Xmas of 2020, and age 36, I started my 15th miscarriage on Xmas day. All I wanted to do was be on my own in bed, but we were in an area that could mix up to 6 as long as only 2 households, my granny lived with my parents and my sister with me and DH (supposed to be temporary to save up before she went travelling 🫣) so I had to put the biggest sanitary pad ever on and head out. It was shittest Christmas I ever had, hiding it from everyone, I told DH Boxing Day. My sister still doesn’t know about my infertility. But fast forward, and following 3 rounds of IVF, DS was due Xmas eve 2023, it felt like fate, he arrived 2 weeks early (narrowly avoided being called Noel) and things are so different.
I hope that you meet someone in 2026 and get to become a mum.

There’s mothers dealing with divorce, cancer and toxic family, and this is what you’ve got to say.
Grim.

Mum died this morning. I will be putting on a brave face for family

That’s very raw for you. I am sorry

Thank you. We are not telling the grandchildren yet, we don’t want to spoil the magic of Christmas for them. X

Oh my Lord. Please get a Rottweiler solicitor.

Reading all of these, I am left wondering why so many of us have to put on a brave face and soldier on. I wish it was more acceptable to say this is too much, I can't shoulder the burden of making Christmas lovely and great for everyone.

So sorry to read all your messages... not feeling it either... dd (dear dad) was diagnosed and treated for cancer for the past 3 years. The medication he was treated with gave him (side effect we weren't warned about) another more aggressive cancer which literally knocked the stuffing out of him... he had major surgery (over 12 hours long) in october... recovery wasn't going as planned... and he was then told he had a max of 2 weeks to live as it had spread to his bones and he had very little liver function left... he lasted 9 days... 10 days later my uncle was euthanised in Holland with dementia... 2025 has been HORRIFIC!