Page 12 | To have to do an ‘Emma Thompson’ this Christmas?

Changes26 · 2025-12-23T19:13:06+00:00

We all know the scene from ‘Love Actually’. AIBU to think I’m not the only one who is doing an Emma Thompson this Christmas? I.e. putting a brave face on whilst everything else crumbles around you? You can share why you’re Emma Thompsoning your way through the festive period or just give a knowing nod whilst you scream inside. Me? I’ve split up with my partner as I’ve realised it’s a toxic relationship after an incident last week. I’ve told no one and he’s back home after 4 night away. I am just smiling through it all so our daughter doesn’t have a shit Christmas and more difficult memories to work through in future therapy. Separation, divorce, grief, bereavement, complicated family, homelessness or financial ruin? Here’s to getting through the next few days and a brighter 2026!

Mcdhotchoc · 24/12/2025 07:22

As ever, reading what others are going through gives me context.
For me, it is dealing with the overwhelming guilt of a parent in a care home. And all the therapy, antidepressants and knowing that it is the only thing to be done still leaves me feeling utterly wretched at this time of year

SparklyBrickViper · 24/12/2025 07:25

Cancer.

Could be the last Christmas we’re all together, could not be. Either way it’s bloody awful.

Literally just trying to get through the day, when I just want to spend the most of it in bed with the lights off.

Advicechange · 24/12/2025 07:32

CatCaretaker · 23/12/2025 20:43

I can empathise a bit with this. Luckily don't have ppd but have a very clingy / whingy (I feel terrible saying that) / screamy baby and PILs especially love to tell us to 'just put her down'. She's wonderful in every way she just doesn't like playing alone! Like yours, she's always been this way, since the day she born. Getting quite tired of people implying that she is this way because I've spoiled her. She's not even 1!

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@AmyW9 and @CatCaretaker I haven’t read the full thread yet but I empathise with both of you. My eldest basically spent her first year ridiculously unhappy and people stopped visiting because they felt it pointless if they couldn’t settle her. I didn’t have PPD in the mix too so it must be very hard to face the next few days.
My eldest is now 9, she’s mostly wonderful. She screamed until she could walk but once she could, she was a different child and a very delightful toddler - no terrible twos or threenager!

Sending love and strength to so many of you for the next few days. Such a heartbreaking thread.

Supergirl1958 · 24/12/2025 07:39

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 23/12/2025 19:30

Emma Thompsoning definitely very poor relationship with my sister - toughing it out

This! I’ve pretty much been Emma thompsoning my way through the last 3 months following a pretty significant time in my life. And then she just been sectioned for a third time so…merry bloody Christmas!!

FacingTheEnd · 24/12/2025 07:40

Mistletoemiss · 24/12/2025 04:09

I’m so sorry you’re having to shoulder the burden of this worry alone. Is there anything we can do? I’m pretty sure 99% of people on this thread have fucked up at work in one way or another. I’m sure your kids will not think of you in any other way than their lovely parent. Sending you strength to get through these next few days. 💐

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Thank you, I do appreciate the support - but it is a bad as it can be. If I had dealt with it when it happened we could have got through it but I've just put my head in the sand. It is so bad that my plan has been to either win the lottery (and I've been buying too many tickets) or kill my self as I have a good life insurance (I am not suicidal, and I will face it, but that is where I have been for ages- I want to sort it out so much but what I have done hasn't been uncovered yet, so I just keep holding on because I know it will end up destroying everything

Thanks
@JoWilkinsonsno1fan @Tillymint1234 I don't really know how on earth this will get resolved, but I can't live like this anymore. I know it will ruin my relationship with my kids as I've spent their whole lives helping them to be not like me, they will be not see me in the same way- no one will.

Sending love to all that have posted. I have read all your posts and sending love, and support -so many going through so much.

Skyflyinghigh · 24/12/2025 07:41

Sending everyone lots of love and hope you all manage to get through this time. It’s tough when the media portray that everyone should be happy. ❤️❤️

Smiler168 · 24/12/2025 07:43

Raising a glass and a virtual hug to all the brave & courageous women here. You never know what goes on behind closed doors and this thread has been a tearful and thought provoking read.

Thanks for sharing 🌹

Chiaseedling · 24/12/2025 07:44

I posted without reading the full thread as it was 2.30am - just want to send my best wishes to everyone having a tough time and my condolences to all those who are facing bereavement (been there, got the t-shirt but this isn’t my ‘bad’ time of year in that respect.

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 24/12/2025 07:49

LizzieDripping99 · 24/12/2025 06:29

We move in January as our almost 3yr old needs an adapted property due to his disability. So we have absolutely no money left after paying for carpets, flooring, paint, wallpaper etc. It has skinted us completely.
I've hosted my grandma every single Christmas for 17yrs. She arrives xmas eve and goes home 27th.

I told her a few days ago we can't afford it this year we've no spare money for a turkey etc & she tutted & said she'd go to my brothers instead (me and brother have been no contact since 2012 & both out parents have passed away)

I felt so down. Every Christmas for the past 17yrs I've took on the expenses & the one year I can't do it, she doesn't offer me any help just goes somewhere else. I would happily reimburse her when I get back on my feet at the end of Jan.
We take her shopping, do her cleaning, take her to her never ending appointments, sort out hearing aids, etc. I can't describe the feeling. It's a mixture of hurt, foolishness and been taken for granted.
Anyway thank you for letting me get that out. I have no family or friends to vent to. I hope you all have a lovely day & tomorrow. Lots of love xoxox

That’s so callous of her. Maybe pull back from helping her so much in the new year so you can concentrate on your little boy in your new home.

Meanwhile I am in awe of the bravery of everyone who has posted on this thread. It’s humbling to read.

CandiedPrincess · 24/12/2025 07:50

tanstaafl · 23/12/2025 19:46

I’m sure ET would prefer you to use her characters name.

Well to be fair. I'm pretty sure I read that she improvised those scenes a lot and used her own experiences from when her husband cheated with Helena Bonham Carter, so maybe she wouldn't be bothered at all.

Mistletoemiss · 24/12/2025 07:50

FacingTheEnd · 24/12/2025 07:40

Thank you, I do appreciate the support - but it is a bad as it can be. If I had dealt with it when it happened we could have got through it but I've just put my head in the sand. It is so bad that my plan has been to either win the lottery (and I've been buying too many tickets) or kill my self as I have a good life insurance (I am not suicidal, and I will face it, but that is where I have been for ages- I want to sort it out so much but what I have done hasn't been uncovered yet, so I just keep holding on because I know it will end up destroying everything

Thanks
@JoWilkinsonsno1fan @Tillymint1234 I don't really know how on earth this will get resolved, but I can't live like this anymore. I know it will ruin my relationship with my kids as I've spent their whole lives helping them to be not like me, they will be not see me in the same way- no one will.

Sending love to all that have posted. I have read all your posts and sending love, and support -so many going through so much.

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Sometimes there is a way out of solving a problem but you haven’t thought of it yet. Is there anyone IRL you can chat to? Is there a way of restructuring the financial issue?

In the meantime, you’re the only person I’m willing to win the lottery besides me. Keep going 😘

cloudtreecarpet · 24/12/2025 07:56

FacingTheEnd · 24/12/2025 07:40

Thank you, I do appreciate the support - but it is a bad as it can be. If I had dealt with it when it happened we could have got through it but I've just put my head in the sand. It is so bad that my plan has been to either win the lottery (and I've been buying too many tickets) or kill my self as I have a good life insurance (I am not suicidal, and I will face it, but that is where I have been for ages- I want to sort it out so much but what I have done hasn't been uncovered yet, so I just keep holding on because I know it will end up destroying everything

Thanks
@JoWilkinsonsno1fan @Tillymint1234 I don't really know how on earth this will get resolved, but I can't live like this anymore. I know it will ruin my relationship with my kids as I've spent their whole lives helping them to be not like me, they will be not see me in the same way- no one will.

Sending love to all that have posted. I have read all your posts and sending love, and support -so many going through so much.

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I'm so sorry you are so stressed and having to carry this all alone.
When the mistake is uncovered will it impact other people's lives or just yours?
Is that what makes you not reveal it and face it, because of the impact on others?

Nothing is worth considering losing your life over and I am sure no one you work with would want to know you feel like this.
And your children will still love you despite this unintentional mistake because they love you for who you are.

Please try to reach out to someone in real life to share this burden. It may be that the reality is not what you think it is. It's horrible to carry a scary secret like this on your own. ❤️

Mistletoemiss · 24/12/2025 07:59

LizzieDripping99 · 24/12/2025 06:29

We move in January as our almost 3yr old needs an adapted property due to his disability. So we have absolutely no money left after paying for carpets, flooring, paint, wallpaper etc. It has skinted us completely.
I've hosted my grandma every single Christmas for 17yrs. She arrives xmas eve and goes home 27th.

I told her a few days ago we can't afford it this year we've no spare money for a turkey etc & she tutted & said she'd go to my brothers instead (me and brother have been no contact since 2012 & both out parents have passed away)

I felt so down. Every Christmas for the past 17yrs I've took on the expenses & the one year I can't do it, she doesn't offer me any help just goes somewhere else. I would happily reimburse her when I get back on my feet at the end of Jan.
We take her shopping, do her cleaning, take her to her never ending appointments, sort out hearing aids, etc. I can't describe the feeling. It's a mixture of hurt, foolishness and been taken for granted.
Anyway thank you for letting me get that out. I have no family or friends to vent to. I hope you all have a lovely day & tomorrow. Lots of love xoxox

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Please reserve your energy for your beautiful boy. Your Grandma does not deserve your love and has effectively given you permission to drop the rope. So drop it. As Maya Angelou once wrote: ‘when people show you who they are, believe them the first time’

Xmas is one day, it might be lean for you this year but you have everything you need in each other and by putting your little boy first. You sound like a brilliant mother and a lovely person. I’m sorry that your Grandmother can’t see that. 💐

AutumnLover1989 · 24/12/2025 08:07

Willowback · 23/12/2025 21:35

I had a mild stroke 12 weeks ago, everyone keeps telling how well im doing i only took 7 weeks off work. Im hosting christmas and boxing day for alternate sides of the family, I'm doing it all for my kids - I'm exhausted.

Shame on your family for not allowing you to take things easy. I'm angry for you. How selfish are they? 😞😡

Newsenmum · 24/12/2025 08:08

I wonder what the ET character is called - I have no idea. ET is incredible.

There are some amazing strong women in this thread.

MaybeNextYear2026 · 24/12/2025 08:09

LoopyLeela · 23/12/2025 20:35

A bit, yeah. We are TTC and I'm quite sure it's another month with a BFN. I think having anything like this in your mind csn make the pressure to have a good time feel more difficult. I guess the trick is.to.docus on what you do have.

I’m so sorry. We have had three miscarriages this year- we’ve been TTC for 2 years. Christmas does throw it all into sharper focus. Sending you love.

Dmsandfloatydress · 24/12/2025 08:21

Helpless0190 · 23/12/2025 20:49

Accidentally uncovered H's affair three days ago. I'm staying until after Christmas because I can't let DD spend Christmas day in somewhere like temp accommodation- I have nowhere to go and no money, he won't leave because this is his house.

I spent today locked away crying and wrapping presents. I have to work Christmas Day so at least I don't have to see his family.

Oh, and all my hair if falling out. So at least I know I won't ever have to bother trying to date again, I can be fat, ugly, and alone forever.

If you are married then you are entitled to at least 50% of the house, so don't go anywhere! No such thing as ' his house' if you are married. Go and see a solicitor in the New Year . If you don't work you could be entitled to much more too!

Taytoface · 24/12/2025 08:32

Sending everyone hugs and strength. Not dealing with anything like your struggles, but with 2 young kids, 3 elderly grandparents and some other relatives in some precarious living positions, I fear my ET Christmas is not too far off, so I will make the most of this one.

LemograssLollipop · 24/12/2025 08:33

@FacingTheEnd Echoing other posters, I really hope there is a way to deal with this but you are in the thick of it and may not be able to see it.
All employers carry insurance designed to cover incidents caused by employees. This more than likely will take care of the financial aspect, it's what it's for. You sound like you are having giving yourself a hard time but to your family you are more than a job. Their life wouldn't be as good without you. 💐
Is there a charity help line you can call to get it off your chest?

Gallowayan · 24/12/2025 08:34

Quicklyquicklyquicker · 23/12/2025 19:32

My DH died very unexpectedly just before last Christmas. I’m really not feeling like Christmas at all. I’m trying, for my family.

Sorry for your loss. Sometimes I think struggling on and putting on a brave face is ultimately best for the one experiencing the loss and not just for your kids and other people.

Taytoface · 24/12/2025 08:36

@FacingTheEnd you might want to consider starting a thread about your work situation. I have seen a few of these over the years on Mumsnet and the posters have gotten some really helpful advice. Also, more often than not, things have worked out OK. If nothing else might help ease the knot in your stomach

ManyATrueWord · 24/12/2025 08:37

Lost the friends who were our chosen family. Not had a word from them in over six months. I miss them, especially the children, but I have to hold boundaries up against bad behaviour. I am sad and a big chunk of my heart is empty. I try and keep focused on the major bits I still have.

Dancingsquirrels · 24/12/2025 08:39

AliTheMinx · 23/12/2025 19:54

Huge hugs to everyone. My mum is currently very poorly in hospital and I am so.worried about her and my dad. They are both 82 and it hit me when I was taken into the Relatives Room by a doctor for the DNR conversation that I am suddenly the adult, and that was a very scary moment... Spending a lot of time in the hospital over the last few days has been very sobering and reconfirmed what an incredible job the staff do - especially the nurses, porters and Red Cross helpers, who work tirelessly. Life is so fragile but kindness makes everything so much better.

Similar, my father is dying. It's a v sad time for the family. Solidarity x

Bangersndmash · 24/12/2025 08:48

this thread made me cry.

also diagnosed with cancer two months ago, have two little ones just turned one and just turned 3. Had to stop breast feeding due to chemo and everything else.

hoping and praying I get to see next Christmas and see my babies grow up. Life is so, so cruel.

ProudFriend · 24/12/2025 08:52

Last Christmas was mine….. estranged husband took his own life late October. Elderly father moved to nursing home in mid Dec so parents couldn’t come and I couldn’t get to them because dog kennels were full and 2 labs don’t mix with mid 90 year olds. My best friend and her mother plus dog came and we muddled through. It was different. This year dogs are in kennels and I have Christmas in a care home!