To have cut my DD's (3) hair

[Gallavanting]

TL:DR: 3 year old tantrums over hair brushing resulted in me cutting a bob tonight with kitchen scissors.

My DD is generally quite a happy child. However she has never ever liked her hair brushed. We've tried tangle teasers, leave in conditioner, wide tooth combs, plaiting it. Its dead straight but gets very knotted.

Every time I brush her hair (twice daily) it has involved DH having to physically hold her or she lashes out with arms and legs.

Tonight she came out of the bath and I got the brush and sprayed her head with leave in conditioner as I usually do. She absolutely flailed. Threw herself back on the sofa and kicked me right in the eye - getting the bone just above it and below my brow.

I was so furious. I called DH and got an ice pack but I am now sporting a black eye for Christmas.

DH restrained DD as usually and I brushed the hair through and then I got the kitchen scissors and cut it off. It was past her shoulders and now it is chin length.

I kinda regret doing it tbh, its ok but I should have taken her to a hair dresser and will have to even it out.

Was I BU? Or would you have been at the end of your tether too?

PS DH won't brush her hair, he just lets it knot

To be honest, YABU. Why have you let it get to this point

So your husband held her down and you cut her hair off? Sounds abusive to me and you should be ashamed of yourselves

I don’t really understand why people bother taking toddlers to the hairdressers to be honest. Mine hates having her hair brushed so I just cut it short with a short fringe every month or so. Much more practical and easier to wash too. She’s three - she couldn’t care less what it looks like so why do you?

I save the wrestling for toothbrushing time 😬

I have long, very fine, curly hair. It knots and matts if I wear a collar. I strongly recommend you use one of these brushes and spray with hair oil not leave in conditioner. Game changer. It easily gets through knots with hardly any tugging at all. For hair oil, light spritz on the knots. Use argan or Moroccan oil. Knots slide right out.

I hate looking at my childhood photos because my mum cut all my hair off and saw it as her choice not my body.
Give her the choice of cutting it or taking care of it, and if she chooses to cut it show her pictures of nice little girl hairstyles to choose from that would be manageable. Let her feel good about her hair. And yes I do get how hard that is, my daughter is autistic with severe sensory issues around self care including hair brushing. We
go to a good children’s hairstylist who does her hair while she watches the iPad. When I brush her hair I put detangling spray in it (think it’s called mane and tail, infinitely better than leave in conditioner).
I hope your eye feels better quickly and the grandparents leave you alone.

Can you describe your brushing technique op? And what you do when you encounter a knot? Wondering if it’s possible brushing is causing her pain.

Agree i think this us quite evil, my son has really thick long afro hair that gets quite tangled and doesn't like getting it combed out but I would never do that to him!

Sounds like it's very stressful for her, so shorter hair will hopefully be easier on her though I wouldn't have gone about it the way you did.
We tried so many hair brushes and happy hair brush is by far the best.

I think you’ve acted poorly and this is going to be a core memory now! It’s not solved the problem, you’ve acted out of anger. Look into brushing her hair gently and using oils to break down knots. I’m sorry but I don’t believe you’ve tried your best. My daughter has curly hair that knits super easy. I buy suitable shampoo and conditioners to help her and spend time with her hair. The other day her dad was gonna cut a knit out and I told my time and got it out! Feel like this is a you problem. Hope she feels ok about the hair cut, pre warn the relatives tomorrow so they don’t react and make a deal out of it

My daughter was very similar when she was younger- long, straight hair that knotted the moment you'd finished brushing it. She has a really sensitive scalp and really did find it painful. It took me quite a long time to realise that. We tried all sorts of different hairbrushes but the only one she could tolerate was this one https://kentbrushes.com/collections/ladies/products/perfect-for-smoothing-small-cushion-bristle-nylon-mix-brush-pf02

I also have curly hair that knots and matts in 30 seconds and so does my DD4. We have one of these brushes and it is great for knots.

OP, I would also look into the technique you are using to brush. My DD4 and DD2 both have hair that knots easily, they hate their hair being brushed when it's done the wrong way but Ive developed my own technique and routine that has really helped. I'll always brush out in the bath or shower while they have conditioner in their hair and they are distracted with bath toys, I do a small section at a time and brush the hair over my hand (i don't know how to describe this but a hairdresser showed me it once, telling me to focus on brushing or combing the hand and not the hair even though they're hair is actually being brushed on top of the hand), this somehow makes it tug less. Then when they come out i do it briefly again but it's much easier so only takes a second. I have a spray bottle with a water and leave in conditioner mix that I spray on in the mornings before brushing. I use plenty so the hair is wet through and use the same brushing technique described above. It makes a huge difference. When my 4 year old was younger I would sometimes distract her by giving her my phone and putting on something from freebies but I dont need to do this now.