Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cut my DD's (3) hair

61 replies

Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:42

TL:DR: 3 year old tantrums over hair brushing resulted in me cutting a bob tonight with kitchen scissors.

My DD is generally quite a happy child. However she has never ever liked her hair brushed. We've tried tangle teasers, leave in conditioner, wide tooth combs, plaiting it. Its dead straight but gets very knotted.

Every time I brush her hair (twice daily) it has involved DH having to physically hold her or she lashes out with arms and legs.

Tonight she came out of the bath and I got the brush and sprayed her head with leave in conditioner as I usually do. She absolutely flailed. Threw herself back on the sofa and kicked me right in the eye - getting the bone just above it and below my brow.

I was so furious. I called DH and got an ice pack but I am now sporting a black eye for Christmas.

DH restrained DD as usually and I brushed the hair through and then I got the kitchen scissors and cut it off. It was past her shoulders and now it is chin length.

I kinda regret doing it tbh, its ok but I should have taken her to a hair dresser and will have to even it out.

Was I BU? Or would you have been at the end of your tether too?

PS DH won't brush her hair, he just lets it knot

OP posts:
GloriaMonday · 23/12/2025 19:23

I hated having my hair cut as a kid. It hurt.

Original poster
Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 19:25

GoneWoman · 23/12/2025 19:22

Not ideal but its done now

Maybe she can have her own special brush that she brushes mummy & daddys hair with before she goes to bed and then you can brush her and her dolls hair?
Or get a hairdessers mannequin head and she can brush it and put hair clips in etc

Thanks. We have tried all of these - many mannequin heads and different brushes. Im going to encourage her to brush it every morning and evening with her brush while its short.

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 23/12/2025 19:26

Just take her for a nice pixie cut, solve all your problems and it'll look cute.

GoneWoman · 23/12/2025 19:27

Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 19:25

Thanks. We have tried all of these - many mannequin heads and different brushes. Im going to encourage her to brush it every morning and evening with her brush while its short.

Show quote history

Ah apologies just read that you have tried

Leopardspota · 23/12/2025 19:30

You cut it in anger? That’s unreasonable. Not sure why you haven’t taken her to the hairdressers ages ago if it’s an ongoing issue.

my daughter hated it too. I got it cut short and then I had to bribe her for ages.

she loves it now 🙄

GloriaMonday · 23/12/2025 19:32

GloriaMonday · 23/12/2025 19:23

I hated having my hair cut as a kid. It hurt.

BRUSHED not cut.

TeenToTwenties · 23/12/2025 19:32

Having it short seems very sensible. That's what I did with DD2 when she was young.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 23/12/2025 19:35

Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 19:11

She had calmed down, I didn't angrily take scissors to her while she was kicking off.

I feel incredibly guilty- the grandmother's are going to moan tomorrow and Xmas day and I'll get told how easy it is to brush a toddlers hair.

Well you can tell them it is now!

Great decision. What's the advantage of long hair if it's causing pain and distress to all involved?!

Aparecium · 23/12/2025 19:38

Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 19:11

She had calmed down, I didn't angrily take scissors to her while she was kicking off.

I feel incredibly guilty- the grandmother's are going to moan tomorrow and Xmas day and I'll get told how easy it is to brush a toddlers hair.

So hand them the hairbrush. If she kicks off, they’ll see what you are trying to deal with. If she permits them (which she is quite likely to do!) then you’ve had a non-distressing brushing. Win-win.

I would take her to a hairdresser that specialises in children and get her hair cut into a pixie crop. Then, whether or not it appears to need brushing, you get into a habit of brushing it several times a day. Doesn’t need to be a full head brush. This is all about getting her used to the sensation. Use a small brush, with bristles that feel comfortable on the back of your hand. She could have a brush that she uses at the same time, whether on her or in her doll.

By the time her hair is long enough to need brushing, hopefully you will have detoxified brushing and developed a habit of non-distressing brushing.

yikesss · 23/12/2025 19:39

Can you braid? Obviously doesnt help now but for when it grows? Keeps it tidy and out the way and doesnt need doing daily

SunMoonandChocolate · 23/12/2025 19:40

If it's any consolation OP, when my DD was young she would scream so loud that a neighbour 3 doors down, and living on a main road could hear her!! It was a battle every day, and it didn't matter who tried, she just wouldn't have it. So I would do the best I could, and then when it got long enough I used to chop it off. It used to get really matted at the back, and no matter how much conditioner, etc. I used, nothing made it easy, so usually by the time I hacked it off, it was a matted lump. Gradually as she got older, she became more interested in dolls, and brushing their hair, which ultimately led to her doing her own, but not until she was almost ready to go to school. So you have my sympathies.

Hallywally · 23/12/2025 19:41

DD always has a bob and it was so much easier. I was secretly gutted when she got to about 5 and said she wanted to grow it!

SlenderRations · 23/12/2025 19:43

Have it cut short. Break the cycle. No need for a little girl to have long or even bobbed hair if it causes misery

SlenderRations · 23/12/2025 19:44

And I can’t think why you persisted with a situation that involved pinning her down. It’s not as though it was unavoidable, like taking blood or taking medicine.

CinnamonBuns67 · 23/12/2025 19:47

Just get it sorted when you can by a professional and keep it short from now on.

MissyB1 · 23/12/2025 19:48

Short or bobbed hair is much more sensible than long hair on young children. And I’m sorry you’ve got a black eye, it must have really hurt.

8TinyToeBeans · 23/12/2025 19:50

I think it makes sense. I was a bowl cut kid cause I hated having my hair done and my mum had short hair herself. I did longer hair for a bit when I was a teen but now I’m back to short hair. I do it myself with the clippers, save a fortune and makes life easier.

Your DD will probably grow out of hating having her hair done…or maybe she’ll be like me!

bluesunnyskies · 23/12/2025 19:57

My dad used to do this. Not sure why except he was a lot meaner about it getting impatient with my struggling and wriggling and you can imagine his reaction wasn’t as hands off as you described in your post, OP.

I have photos of when I was a child with short hair and it just is horrible to remember and look at. My siblings didn’t have to endure this. I was terrified of the pointy scissors and the ones with the teeth in them (like a comb and scissor combined).

I don’t have the solution but I do have a 3 year old too and while she doesn’t like her hair being brushed from knots, we spray detangle spray in her hair and gently brush. It took time to get used to we do this at bath time and distract her with singing or a story.

SiberFox · 23/12/2025 19:58

I would have been furious with a kick in the eye too OP. My 2 year old hates brushing her hair and screams the house down when we wash it so she wears it short. Taking her to hairdressers doesn’t work (even those specialised in small kids), she screams and wriggles, but she accepts a very quick cut from my husband’s mobile barber. Bob all the way until she stops going berserk with hair washing and brushing!

DappledThings · 23/12/2025 20:01

I would have cut it months agi. I always kept DD's hair in a bob when she was that age. She started asking to grow it put about 4 and it got pretty long but I was always clear that any fuss about brushing it and it would be short again.

At 7 she's now decided off her own bat to have a bob. It looks so much nicer than long anyway. Long hair generally looks messy and impractical anyway in my opinion.

MumChp · 23/12/2025 20:03

It's fine. I had cut it months ago.

Isit2026yet · 23/12/2025 20:12

@Gallavanting have you tried letting DH brush her hair incase it’s just you she kicks off for.

KindnessIsKey123 · 23/12/2025 20:20

I had a chin length bob for years because my mum said I was such a pain with hair bushing. Grew it out when I was about 7. It’s done no damage to me and was a sensible solution for my mom.

don’t overthink it or listen to the opinion of strangers on the Internet. You solved the problem.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2025 21:15

KindnessIsKey123 · 23/12/2025 20:20

I had a chin length bob for years because my mum said I was such a pain with hair bushing. Grew it out when I was about 7. It’s done no damage to me and was a sensible solution for my mom.

don’t overthink it or listen to the opinion of strangers on the Internet. You solved the problem.

I also demanded a haircut when I was 5 after years of screaming my head off every morning.

However, whilst she'd claim that it was me being unreasonable/bratty, what actually happened was that she'd grab the back of my hair, tear the rubber band (not a covered band, an actual rubber one) that had been in it overnight out with a clump of hair and then slap the sharp plastic brush against my scalp and drag down repeatedly, taking chunks out as I screamed, before scraping every bit tightly back and twisting another rubber band. round what was left.

She was most put out that her threats of getting the kitchen scissors and chopping it all off only gave me the idea that I wouldn't have to have her doing my hair ever again. She was convinced I'd scream the hairdressers down, but they didn't hurt me like she did every single morning.

Actually finding out that brushing the hair from the ends up wasn't how she interpreted it (as a sort of backcombing of the lowest part of the scalp with the baby hairs at the back of the neck ripped out to be followed by more scraping and screaming) and was actually putting the ends in your hands and doing an inch, then moving up an inch meant that I became one of those people who could get little children who hated their hair being brushed to let me do it.

I didn't like the bob, but at least she wasn't hurting me every morning anymore.

BeckyButters · 23/12/2025 22:20

Not exactly the point but I wish more girls would have bobs and short hair. I find long straight hair boring and predictable. I hope your DD benefits from hair less likely to tangle.