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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Viakal isn’t sexy talk apparently

52 replies

kinkyviakal · 23/12/2025 11:36

Name changed for this as my AIBU is sex related! Semi light hearted!!!

Background: Married 15 years, two young DC, healthy sex life and, like others, probably have a lot still to do before Christmas! DH involved and engaged dad, has done his fair share in the lead up but most of the mental load of Xmas falls to me.

Today my DPs are taking the kids out all day for a festive treat. Both myself and DH off work. I am a bit of a planner so had lots of lists of things that were best done without the kids in the house in the lead up to Christmas (we are hosting)

DH mentions to me yesterday that as we don’t have the kids, this morning might be an opportunity to have some early morning fun. We are usually limited to post kids bedtime when we’re both knackered anyway. I agreed…good opportunity and I could use a de-stress but also made it clear we had a LOT to get done the rest of the day.

Cue this morning and we cheerfully wave off the children and hop back into bed at 9am. DH likes a lot of talk in bed and I could tell we were in for a long session! I often fumble with what to say as sexy talk doesn’t come naturally…

Anyway, he kept whispering in my ear and asking what I was thinking. Now, I think as a woman, it’s pretty normal when stressed to not be 100% focused on the activity in hand! But I kept thinking of things to say. But he kept asking again and again and I had all these lists whirling around my head

Eventually I sort of lost it and said ‘If you must keep asking Dave, I’m wondering if we have enough viakal to clean the bathroom and the downstairs loo!’

Well that pretty quickly soured the mood!

DH now downstairs making us both bacon butties and muttering to himself that it wasn’t his idea of sexy talk! In fairness, we were nearly 2 hours in and time is a-ticking!

So, was I unreasonable to be honest about what’s really on my mind in the lead up to hosting Xmas?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/12/2025 11:37

There’s a man out there who would absolutely find discussing bathroom cleaning arousing.

You just need to find him.

JacquesHarlow · 23/12/2025 11:38

Please don't become a columnist.

Lavenduhhh · 23/12/2025 11:39

I mean viakal isn't sexy talk but am I reading it right that there's 2 hours in and no actual sex? Just talk? That's insane and unreasonable especially for busy parents. My lovely DP knows I have a half hour attention span, an hour if it's a birthday. Therefore YANBU

AppropriateAdult · 23/12/2025 11:40

Two hours?!!

ThisJadeBear · 23/12/2025 11:41

Two hours?!!!! Christ that’s a marathon.
Normally on here it’s about the DH No Foreplay Freddie.
I’ve now got Barry White playing in my head, 70’s music, asking you him to
spray him baby in bathroom cleaner. Loofah of love. The works 🤣

TrumpDerangementSyndrome · 23/12/2025 11:41

JacquesHarlow · 23/12/2025 11:38

Please don't become a columnist.

OP please read this. Digest it. Make a promise to yourself and the world to follow this advice.

Janefromgreenlane · 23/12/2025 11:41

made me chuckle! That's long term marriage for you :-)

kinkyviakal · 23/12/2025 11:42

Lavenduhhh · 23/12/2025 11:39

I mean viakal isn't sexy talk but am I reading it right that there's 2 hours in and no actual sex? Just talk? That's insane and unreasonable especially for busy parents. My lovely DP knows I have a half hour attention span, an hour if it's a birthday. Therefore YANBU

Nooooo, two hours including piv, foreplay etc not just talk!

OP posts:
kinkyviakal · 23/12/2025 11:43

TrumpDerangementSyndrome · 23/12/2025 11:41

OP please read this. Digest it. Make a promise to yourself and the world to follow this advice.

Hand on heart and pinky promise..,,

OP posts:
Nevernonono · 23/12/2025 11:46

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/12/2025 11:37

There’s a man out there who would absolutely find discussing bathroom cleaning arousing.

You just need to find him.

Brilliant!! 🤩

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 23/12/2025 11:47

😂

Viakal is a fantastic descaler, I'll be honest. If you'd asked "Do we have enough Cilit Bang?" it'd have sounded funnier.

Calypsocuckoo · 23/12/2025 12:01

To be honest he was lucky to get 2 hours of your undivided attention on Christmas eve eve when there is a lot still to do. To be honest, you have had sex (now you can tick that off the To Do list) and he’s gone off to make you a bacon sandwich, so I would say that’s a good mornings work. Now you can pop in the bathroom for a child free bath/ shower and multi task by checking out what cleaning things you need to send DH to the shops for, then you can do your jobs in peace.

spicycats · 23/12/2025 12:35

2 hours?! Jesus.

carcioffi · 23/12/2025 12:37

😂😂😂
Wonderful!

Daleksatemyshed · 23/12/2025 12:38

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/12/2025 11:37

There’s a man out there who would absolutely find discussing bathroom cleaning arousing.

You just need to find him.

Trouble is he'd probably want to lick it clean Op, men can be very strange about sex...

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/12/2025 12:40

Lavenduhhh · 23/12/2025 11:39

I mean viakal isn't sexy talk but am I reading it right that there's 2 hours in and no actual sex? Just talk? That's insane and unreasonable especially for busy parents. My lovely DP knows I have a half hour attention span, an hour if it's a birthday. Therefore YANBU

I agree. I would have been asleep by then.

PotatoPrometheus · 23/12/2025 13:04

Very relatable! After 20 minutes I've lost interest and am writing our shopping list in my head... "Hmmm not had aubergines in a while, maybe I'll pop them on for next week and do a curry one night"

TheDandyLion · 23/12/2025 13:13

Cilit Bang might have worked for him.

Hankunamatata · 23/12/2025 13:15

2 hours. I'm impressed. I could possibly stretch to an hour.
Doesn't dirty talk come before actual see?
Tbh dh does get exasperated with me (and mildly amused) that all these very random mundane things I need to tell him pop into my head during forplay

CarpeVitam · 23/12/2025 13:24

Sorry OP, but that made me laugh!

And as per PP, that’s long term marriage for you 🤷‍♀️

SparklingCrow · 23/12/2025 13:27

JacquesHarlow · 23/12/2025 11:38

Please don't become a columnist.

👏Thank you for the laugh!

StrawberrySquash · 23/12/2025 13:30

It's the Viakal jizz that does the bizz

MyThreeWords · 23/12/2025 13:43

You should have built up to it, OP:

"Mmmm, it's hard. It's so so hard. The water in our area is soooo hard that I really neeed a limescale remover.

Sahara123 · 23/12/2025 13:57

PotatoPrometheus · 23/12/2025 13:04

Very relatable! After 20 minutes I've lost interest and am writing our shopping list in my head... "Hmmm not had aubergines in a while, maybe I'll pop them on for next week and do a curry one night"

Oh god yes, me too !!

blueshoes · 23/12/2025 14:01

2 hours? LTB

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