AIBU? Issues with my elder brothers bragging

[CaffeineChaosandCuddles]

I am a mum of 2, 5 year old girl and 18 month old boy.

my elder brother has 1 child, a boy, 9 months old.

AIBU to be miffed at the fact him and his girlfriend brag a LOT about what their son can do that mine can’t? I’ve never said anything, but it WINDS ME UP.

my son isn’t pointing or waving yet and has limited words, he was born extremely premature and has a hearing loss. I have concerns for my little boy I just want the best for him- but then I get the pair of them coming round and posting in the family group like…

’Jude has waved today, look wave at him, he’ll wave… is Arthur still not waving? Aw. I’m sure he will get there’

I want to scream. I hate braggy parents and it puts me off seeing my brother and my nephew AIBU?

( side note: they know about my sons delays and how they make me concerned )

No, you are not being unreasonable, that is extremely thoughtless of them . I have a child with learning difficulties, and it hurts, doesn’t it.

They sound incredibly rude and crass

Omg what is wrong with them. That would infuriate me. I think I would pretend I didn’t even hear them. Hopefully someone will come up with a good response for you to use.

That's beyond rude it's actively unkind.

Unless you can get your parents to do it, you will have to speak to him to ask him to stop being so cruel. Don't pull your punches.

I'm sorry that they are incredibly i sensitive. Has any other family member noticed and attempted to point out this?

Tell them dd plays the piano like <insert your favourite pianist here > but she's too shy to play in front of people..
It would stop me seeing them op.

My mum just tries to tell me ‘They are excitable, it’s their first baby’ - I fully understand, but send to my parents separately, or let me wave at him goodbye and see it for myself.

My son has had a real rough 18 months and they KNOW that. I think it would be differently if I suffered silently, but I leant on them a lot and it hurts that they know and still act this way.

YANBU, they are being total knobs.

Can you leave the chat?

Even without your son's difficulties your brother is an insufferable bore .

I really feel like that would upset my mum, especially if a divide is caused because it. My mum is a real life angel, she does a lot for us and I wouldn’t want to put her in that position.

although, she is sticking up for him by saying ‘he’s just excited, it’s his first baby’ - but I don’t think she wants to add fuel to flames and keep peace somehow.

but I’m truly hurt and I’m dreading Christmas Day, they’re not spending it with us for dinner, but they’re having pre-nibbles at my parents, I want to time it that I’m arriving as their leaving 😂

I hate braggy parents too and they'll look back and cringe. However, I promise this is said with complete kindness, but do you think you're projecting a little bit? Do they know your child is struggling and you're concerned? It sounds like they are excited first time parents (we've all been there!) and aren't thinking at all, not being deliberately unkind, they are just excited and being thoughtless.

Your brother needs to see further than the end of his nose.
It's one thing to talk about their baby but leave out the comparisons very self centred and ignorant.

I don't think it's reasonable to not expect them to celebrate their baby's 'firsts'. That isn't bragging.

The additional comments are ridiculous and insensitive, someone should have a word.

Can you talk to your brother and tell him what you've articulated here - that it hurts because your child isn't doing that yet, it's not that you don't want to see or hear it, just that at the moment it feels like you are rubbing salt into the wound a bit? See what he says?

@CaffeineChaosandCuddles do it! Honestly, sounds like you have enough on your plate without having to spend any prolonged time with them. Do you have any other family members in the chat who could tell them, kindly, to stop being such pricks?

I totally get your point- and first time parents are excitable. They fully understand however, they’ve picked me up from the moment my son was born extremely prematurely, to his referrals to all these different support networks & most recently his confirmed hearing loss.

I’ve spoken to them over and over about my concerns and worries as to why he’s not waving and pointing yet as that has nothing to do with a hearing loss.

the bragging happens usually quite indirect… especially multiple post on Instagram - ICK!

but his one was questioned ‘is Arthur waving yet’ while posting a video of their boy waving- you know he’s not.

😂😂😂😂 my husband is close too… best not give him too much bucksfizz on Christmas morning

Indeed.

They are awful to do this.

EXACTLY! - it’s exciting seeing babies first, I remember with my little girl doing all the little things and getting excited, especially your first baby.. even my boy, when he finally walked and finally mumbled ‘bubble’ when he saw bubbles and copied our lips. It’s the best feeling seeing your wee little ones do milestones 🤍 I fully get that and I love my nephew to pieces.

and I always go by the saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ - my little boy is my joy, I never compare him to anyone else.. he’s who he is and he’s WONDERFUL.

but he’s in is own lane, his on league, his doing life his own way, with or without sound 🤍

it’s the direct bragging that grinds my gears, it’s not needed.

Absolutely time it so they are gone when you get there, you have 2 small children being late is something you can get away with.

but admittedly my first instinct was to creat an ai image of your little boy waving with 2 fingers at them!

@CaffeineChaosandCuddles haha might solve the problem!

Would a direct reply of “You know he’s not.” work?

I actually was tempted to go back and comment ‘you know his not, does that make you happy that Jude has ticked a milestone first, that you had to ask to clarify, go tick that box bro!’

I just couldn’t 😂 I thought of my mum and backed down hahah

I’m sorry you are stressed about your little boy’s development.

It’s odd though, I don’t see this the same way at all. With all the challenges your son has overcome, it wouldn’t occur to me to compare them. I have a nephew that was very prem after a challenging pregnancy. He has had some health challenges as well, possibly related or possibly not. He’s a little champion and we’re lucky he made it, He’s triumphing just by being here, no one would expect him to be in competition with a fully healthy full term baby.

I would feel able to celebrate the successes of Baby 1 without taking it as a slight to Baby 2.

I’d write back “You know he’s not waving yet and you know how concerned we are about this, why would you rub our noses in it? Please be more sensitive or I’ll have to block you on instagram and leave this chat.” There you go! Just call it out or it will keep happening. You mum sounds nice but why is she defending him and not you, and why are you putting her feelings above your own?

Could it be they are excited about milestones of their DC and want to share but then have this fear they are being unreasonable to be sharing that excitement because they know your DC hasn’t reached those milestones as yet? So in a very clumsy way they are trying to “include” your DC in their comments by saying “he’ll get there in his own time” aka they are trying to say “even though our DC has waved we know your DC hasnt but we understand and don’t want you to feel bad or sad and look we care avout your DC too so we’re commenting on your DC too”. It is REALLY clumsy way to show support but I think that might be what they think they are doing.

I’d find it very hurtful also. Maybe you need to chat to them and sort of “give them permission” to tell the family about their DCs milestone without feeling need to name check your DC too.