Only children at Christmas

[Newmum738]

I’m finding Xmas holidays increasingly difficult as DS gets older. The other children in the family are on DH’s side and he won’t do anything to meet up with them.

He is currently off work with DS and refuses to organise a play date. DS is now asking to go to holiday club.

I find it quite heartbreaking because my DS is quite extroverted and whilst he is perfectly able to have time alone or with us, I think 2 weeks is too much and I feel very sad for him.

I've tried to find others in the same situation but no joy. It seems that many kids either have a sibling or other kids in the family or they are more introverted and happy enough in their own company.

Is anyone in the same boat or have suggestions about what to do? I’m thinking kids club or make sure I’m off work in the future. I’ve sent them to the park now. DH strongly disagrees that this is an issue.

AIBU to think that kids need to play with other kids?

It depends on the individual, only you know your own child. Mine is happy without any holiday clubs over winter break.

Can you arrange the play dates with his friends from school/hobbies?
Two weeks as him and nobody else his age couod be quite a long time for everyone!

Mine is an only. We are always busy doing family things at Christmas so he doesn’t really get bored. He’s also tired after the long winter term so doesn’t mind staying in a lot. In the other holidays we do make an effort to arrange play dates or do activities like swimming etc.

How old is your DS and does he play computer games? Obviously you can have way too much screen time but my DS is nearly 10 and we do allow him to play certain games (Minecraft mainly) online with friends so he is socialising in a sense, they chat to each other over their headsets.

Mine’s an only. She meets up with friends, we meet with wider family. But she also appreciates the downtime of being just the three of us.

I always think these pre-christmas days are difficult, so much build up and then a couple of flat empty days waiting for the big day. I have two DC but my sister has an only and she used to plan lots of activities in the holidays, though not holiday clubs. We got together so the cousins could play and there was always a cinema trip.
If the cousins aren't available how about your DH taking him to the cinema? And plan some meet ups later

Post-Christmas play dates. Pre-Christmas activities with DH.

I agree that the problem seems not so much your DS being an only, but that your DH is not doing much to occupy him - eg cinema, ice skating, out for lunch, seeing Christmas lights, meeting up with wider family, even watching Christmas films or doing Christmas activities at home. Will you see any wider family at any point, even if they don't have DC? That being said, nothing wrong with him doing a holiday club if he wants. DD is an only and did lots when she was younger.

I grew up as an only child (much older ‘half’ siblings).

Honestly, I look back at my childhood as a bit boring. My mum was SAHM but I’d used to beg to go to holiday camps. So much so that I’d ask for my Christmas present to be a week long holiday camp for Easter. I’d do every extra curricular activity/sport to just get me out the house - even Sunday school! I used to be super jealous of kids that had to go to a childminder/wraparound care.

I'm an only child, and my parents weren't very proactive at arranging for me to see friends when I was younger, and I definitely got bored and lonely. But a bit of boredom isn't a bad thing really, and I deliberately plan some dull days for my son (also an only) to give him a bit of time to decompress and do his own thing.

I think this school holiday is trickiest, because so many people with larger families were / are busy seeing different family members for the whole holidays. When I was older, I had youth orchestra courses straight after Christmas every year though, so the pre-Christmas quiet time was a nice break before that.

I have an only DD, 9 years old. She's currently playing upstairs with a couple of friends whose parents are working today so I offered to help them with childcare. Next week we will meet up with some friends who have kids too. Next few days will be busy with family. After Christmas she will have a few rest days of quiet and then DH will do some fun stuff with her as he's not working. Basically a combination of things but your post absolutely reads as a DH problem not an only child problem.

This sounds more like you have a DH problem - if you know DS would enjoy it then he’s not being a good father if he can’t bother himself to make the effort to organise a play date or two, or to visit DS’s cousins for some kind of activity. If DS was happy to just be at home or with him then that’s one thing, but if he’s saying he’s bored or lonely and would like to go to a holiday club instead then DH can’t simply “strongly disagree” that it’s a problem and he needs a kicking over his attitude. Do you have a decent enough relationship with DH’s side of the family that you could ask grandparents / aunt or uncles if they’d have him over to join in things with his cousins?

Mine was an only. He used to love weekends and school holidays getting bored.

It’s is definitely not an only child thing that’s the issue, it’s that DH doesn’t think he needs to help him to socialise. I’m working so I can’t do much but I won’t make that mistake again. I’ll either be off or he can go to holiday club. We will see the grandmothers over Xmas but they are elderly and that’s it. DH refuses to organise anything, take him anywhere or allow a play date. I’m devastated for DS. Even if I couldn’t find him someone to play with, I’d be taking him out. I admit it isn’t easy for DH with Xmas to organise but if it was me, I would have an activity out of the house so he has a chance of mixing with others. I agree that some boredom is a good thing but 2 weeks with no other children for company is a bit dire!

Does your DH take him on days out? Is it too late to book him into holiday club now?

I have 2 DC but abit of an age gap, we haven’t organised any play dates but plenty of days out to keep eldest DC occupied and they will make friends on the days out/ at the activities, even just soft play (depending on your DCs age).

I wasn’t an only, but I went to holiday clubs a lot as a child. I thought they were great. I don’t think your son wanting to go to them is a problem that needs to be fixed. Surely it IS the fix to the problem of “he wants to be around other kids”?

I wasn’t an only, but I went to holiday clubs a lot as a child. I thought they were great. I don’t think your son wanting to go to them is a problem that needs to be fixed. Surely it IS the fix to the problem of “he wants to be around other kids”?

How old is your DC? I'm guessing he's too old to just play with dad? If he wants to definitely send him to holiday clubs. And if your DH is off work, it opens up sports club too where it's more school hours too. Don't let him stay at home and do nothing if he isn't keen. When he's older, he can arrange for his mates to come around or go out.

Why isn’t it easy for DH ‘with Christmas to organise’? Most of us manage it while working FT, wrangling childcare etc. Today is my first day off work. DH only got back from a long work trip at 5 am yesterday, and he’s just taken DS (an only) downtown for a bit of shopping and buzz before going food shopping. We took him out to meet his friends yesterday (we’re friends with the parents so it was fun all round), and have booked for them to go skating together next week.

Your DH sounds utterly useless - even my dad who was autistic and really struggled with social interaction and busy places would take me out at weekends and accommodate playdates.

He's just being a shit parent and you need to tell him as much.

Christmas holidays are when people say “oh yes, let’s arrange to meet up” and then never do because they are too busy.
Most people have family to spend time with, we don’t have any and it’s always just the three of us. (Mostly 2 as DH is at work) It sucks though because libraries, museums and pools close over Christmas and I spend a lot of time freezing in the park or the woods.

Why does he 'refuse' to organise anything, take him anywhere or allow a play date?

"DH doesn’t think he needs to help him to socialise... DH refuses to organise anything, take him anywhere or allow a play date."

What is he actually doing with him then? And again - how old is your son?

Well your problem is that your sons father is a lazy arsehole.

Plenty of dads out there look after their kids and take them out to the park, swimming etc.

Can he not even do stuff like keep him busy by popping to the shops to choose a gift for you and look at the christmas lights, or go to the garden centre where there's usually lots of christmas stuff to look at and sometimes an area of small pets etc!

You need to call out this lazy man and tell him to shift his arse and take his son out.
It doesn't have to be extravagant or cost money, go to the library, go to the park, the shops etc.

I should add, we do go to things too, went ice skating yesterday and have another day out planned for Christmas Eve and New Year. It’s just the days in between where it can be hard.

The issue here is your husband.

I have an only child and when he was younger, we didn't really do play dates over the Christmas holidays as people are busy with their own families.

We did other things though - soft play, swimming, walk to a cafe and lunch, clip and climb, seeing relatives etc. Or things at home such as Christmas films, baking, building lego.

He is 12 now so since school finished on Friday, we have spent a nice morning with my auntie, done some shopping and ds has also been in the village with his friends independently.