Friend sending Girlfrend topless gym selfies...

[Monbig]

Man here. Ive recently seen a picture on my girlfriends phone from a friend of ours. He is a lot younger than us.

Now the pic is of him striking a pose with no top on. It was sent via social media DM.

She didn't shut it down, she said "looking good"

There is general chat, how's work, what are you doing this week and us. He then repeats things to me about the "us" conversations but doesnt directly mention them. Its almost like hes playing with me as only my GF and I know this info. I didnt look too far back so unsure if there are others.

I asked her about it and she just said its just ": being himself and she cant help what he sends her. Ive said she should've shut it down which she agrees however I cant help but feel hurt as she didnt tell me about it and didnt shut it down. She has previously enjoyed the attention of a man who kept staring at her on a night out. She denied noticing but it was obvious she did. Maybe she enjoys the attention.

AIBU to consider finishing things with her?

Have you been together long?

My advice would be to tell her again you're uncomfortable with the messages from him (muscle pics), and you'd like it shut down.

Give it till after xmas then if it's still going on just leave.

It doesn't sound as if you're in very deep emotionally with her. Prob best by the sound of it!

We have been together 2 years

Listen to your gut. I think you know what you need to do.

I vaguely was on your side until you complained about someone noticing her on a night out. Poor girl did nothing apart from look nice and you took issue with her because of another mans behaviour. End it and give the girl some peace.

In all fairness if the picture was innocent validation picture that he'd also sent to 20 others - her responding with "I've got a boyfriend" sounds a bit psycho.

She has previously enjoyed the attention of a man who kept staring at her on a night out.
This statement.... tells me you're being very OTT to know that or bring it up..

Does she strive for attention and the validation of others? Is she always posting selfie pics inviting "you look amazing" comments?

edit to add - 2 years! goddamit I thought you were 2 weeks in...

Tbf she gave him more attention that night than me. She couldnt take her eyes off him. She denied it and said I was seeing things that weren't there but when she was constantly look around to look at him, I dont think I was.

Problem is she said she would kick off it wad the other way around so im all confused

She can’t help it if random men stare at her! Ffs. Don’t be so bloody insecure OP.

Will be you be cutting the friendship too? If anyone overstepped here, it's the person who sent the picture.
I'd feel pretty awkward if a man sent me a topples photo, I wouldn't be sure if it was a come on or just sharing gym progress. I'd avoid jumping to conclusions and telling my boyfriend.
You will know your friend, is he the type to go after a woman who's taken?

Yes he is unfortunately

I have male friends. My best friend is male. The most important thing about maintaining opposite sex friendships is having titanium boundaries, and respecting your partner and putting their feelings first.

Entertaining the gym selfies and then brushing you off when you express discomfort is the opposite of both of the above.

Having someone stare at her on a night out isn't her fault though.

The staring doesnt bother me, its her turning her head like an owl 20 times to look at him

The staring doesnt bother me, its her turning her head like an owl 20 times to look at him

Two different scenarios.

Her reaction to your action is another matter entirely. (and how you should deal with it) two wrongs dont make a right.

I agree, she should've shut it down but didnt and I wonder if hes done it before. I dont mind her having male friends but there ahould be boundaries.

The stares from the man cannot be helped, however she was constantly looking round to look at him.

So your problem is with him then....

So she likes male attention and values getting it over your comfort.

Do what you will with that information.

At first I thought you were being unreasonable but you might as well end it. As it sounds like you don’t feel secure in the relationship and neither of you trust each other. Beware of people who think they’ve done nothing wrong but “kick off” when it’s the other way around

This is how I feel unfortunately

So you have been scrolling through your gf's private messages on her phone?

If it was a single 27 year old girl sending me semi naked gym selfies, would this be ok?

If you were a woman and your boyfriend was getting sexy gym selfies from one of your friends I'd tell you to kick him to the kerb so that is my advice here.

You've obviously been checking her phone for a reason! You are either paranoid and controlling OR had reason to be suspicious. Both are bad times.

She was sat at the table and she didnt know i was behind her whilst she was chatting to him. This is when I saw the picture.

I can say that about a bloody lot of women on MN.

Women on MN check their man's phones.
Half dont get called controlling.