Am I controlling for trying to reduce our spending

[Hampersforgoalposts]

DP (married) is accusing me of being “controlling” for trying to reduce our day to day spending.

For context, I am the sole earner, DP has been SAHM for 10 years but our DC are now 12 and 10 so she is looking for some PT work.

We have been spending - in my view - way too much on general day to day living - food, coffees etc. DP doesn’t really seem to care about money, but I’m the one who has to fund everything. I totally don’t mind being the sole breadwinner, but it frustrates me when she doesn’t appreciate that money we fritter away is ‘stealing’ from our retirement.

I had set us a ‘budget’ for household spending. I am not enforcing it, but I keep a weekly Excel of what we have spent versus our budget so we can see how much we are overspending.

I mentioned this weekend how much we are “over budget” for this month, and she went off about me being “controlling” and made out that IABU. Am I?

2.5k pcm is ott and it seems like your partner needs to learn and appreciate the value of money.
Day to day coffees and lunches etc should be the exception rather than the norm.
She also needs to look for work and start contributing to the pot

Are you suggesting that a household where one earns £150k and the other chooses not to work should look to see if they can apply for benefits?

What do you count as day to day spending? I used to try and keep our credit card to £1500 for the month - everything that I would class as day to day ie not bills or car payments - but with the price of everything increasing, I struggle to keep it under £2.5k. We have had some big repairs lately though so that does get included. I wouldn’t say you are being controlling either. It’s all on you and it would be a good idea to have the savings that you are wanting to maintain.

You’re not unreasonable at those levels - that is a perfectly sensible limit to work to given your earnings and substantial important outgoings.

Yanbu

Me and my dh earn similar (ie double the income)
But our childcare is astounding. (Circa £5k)

We spend less than 2k on what you describe ie. Food and sundries (coffee, soft play, a new spatula, stuff for the kids)
Dietary requirements push up our food bill slightly too.

We are having a discussion about how to reduce it in 26.

£800 for food and £800 discretionary is ample.

I’m intrigued by this - why would you have to be down to nothing before tracking weekly?

Your partner should be working to use her tax free allowance at the very least.

Are you the OP? You seem to be using a different name

Rather than just doing a spreadsheet of what you think the budget should be did you sit together and go through what you are actually spending on things at the moment?

I did this with myself and scared myself how much I was spending and how little I had left each month

i then took a decision to be mean with myself and check out what I’m spending on stuff. Doesn’t always stop me spending but makes me think twice

doing this together should make it feel less controlling

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