To think ‘Limerence’ is a massive thing these days

[doglover867]

i actually didn’t hear the term before Mumsnet but I keep hearing it on so many channels. Has this always been a big thing?

seems like there are a lot of obsessions people have whether it be towards friends, same sex, colleagues etc.

does everyone feel this in some way?

Isn't it just the "I'm special" way of having a crush on someone? I've only ever heard it on MN

It's pretty much always been a massive thing.It's just got a new title. Look at victorian literature, poems like porphyria's lover.. cyrano de bergerac, don quixote. The list could go on for a long time. Many of the greatest poems songs, and books are about the overwhelming sense of unrequited love..

Oh it’s awful. I have just got out of a narcissistic relationship and the Limeremce / truma bond has been unbearable.

It’s a very real, very agonising thing for some people. And some people are more prone to it than others.
It is a good thing that there’s a name for it and it’s being spoken about, it can help people deal with it.

In the extreme, if unaddressed, it can become dangerous and lead to things like stalking etc. I've witnessed it, it can be extremely detrimental to the object of desire, and the "sufferer". And I think that social media and having the technological means to intrude on people is a big aggravating factor.

how do people deal with it though?

https://livingwithlimerence.com/the-best-cure-for-limerence/

There are quite a few resources out there. This came up with a quick google.

For people on the other end of it, sometimes it requires legal means, like Restraining Orders.

It’s basically relationally focussed OCD with a romantic name

I agree that in some of its manifestations it may be like that, but it seems to be defined just in terms of a particular type of preoccupation/fantasy, which, depending on variables such as mental health, may be present in a range of states. Most commonly, it might be the euphoric first stages of a relationship that matures into normal healthy love, or a simple short-term crush born of boredom and dissatisfaction with one's life.
In other cases it could be a manifestation of borderline personality disorder; or it could the the relatively harmless first stage of something that develops into De Clerambault's syndrome or other stalkery disorders.
Considered in itself, it is just a collection of feelings that almost all of us have felt at one time or another. But someone had the bright idea of giving it a special, elegant-sounding name, so now people treat it as if it was a distinctive unitary phenomenon that 'explains' how they are feeling.

Yeah, same.

No-one has a crush anymore, it's 'limerence'.

No-one gets irritated at noisy eaters anymore, it's 'misophonia'.

And no-one gets anxious about things, they have 'anxiety'.

I think it’s overused and in the wrong context. Same as “narcissist” and “gaslighting”. It’s not the same thing as a crush at all though. It is a completely different thing. But people just think it’s a made up term because of people using it (wrongly) to describe crushes etc.

Ive never encountered the word limerance before. Ive just googled it and Im still none the wiser really.

Not true.

Its quite common in people with OCD.

I've never heard this word before!

I think people who spend a lot of time online are probably more likely to experience this sort of thing.

I think people just like saying the word and showing off that they know it.

I think a lot of people find it more grown up than 'crush' and that's why they use the word.

Like when someone's been on 2 or 3 dates and they start referring to their boyfriend as their 'partner', because they feel 'boyfriend' sounds a bit childish.

This. I've heard the word before although it's used a lot on MN. The concept is centuries old I'm also thinking of 'courtly love' in medieval times.

It’s just what we would understand as a crush. The word is more widely used recently but the concept or more widely experienced.

I’m sure it probably has an evolutionary benefit so we didn’t end up like giant pandas.

It's not a recent thing. You hear about it now because posting endlessly online about unrequited love is a perfect outlet for people suffering from it, whereas in the past they'd have been filling paper diaries or writing letters that they'd never send.

I actually think it's a really horrible preoccupation which can damage lives.

I didn't know of the concept in my late teens early twenties but it absolutely describes the involuntary obsession I experienced. I could acknowledge the senselessness of it but could not redirect my thoughts at all.

It did overlap with my first serious bout of depression so for me the two were probably linked but it is not a good place to be and I would not wish it on anyone.

It's not a crush it's a mental obsession where your brain is fixated on thinking practically non-stop about this person. Often as a result of numbing pain or difficulties from another area of your life.

I have been prone to intense crushes throughout my life. Learning that there is such a thing, makes it much easier to deal with and to dismiss those intense preoccupations from my decision making.

It is not 'love' there is nothing noble about those feelings and motivations. More people need to be educated about it so that tgey can rationalise it and think twice before upending their childrens' lives.