To still really want to go?

[Dunnowhatimat]

I've had a night planned with a good friend for a few weeks. A concert near where she lives (a few hrs away from me). Was going to stay the night in hers, no other options really rural location and no public transport back to my home.
She's with a new DP, who is from a different country and one of his friends is now travelling over to stay a few days with them. One of those days/nights being the one of the concert. So we're going along with a few of her other friends and family.
Thing is now it's her and her DP, me and now this other guy staying in her house that night.
I'm married, my DH knows this friend very well, but I haven't said yet about this other guy now meant to be staying at hers. We haven't had a happy marriage on the last few years. I wouldn't do anything /cheat or anything like that, but he will possibly freak out about me staying in her house for the night now.
To be honest I can see what his point would be, but I'm avoiding mentioning it to him until after Christmas in case he gets in a mood and ruins the next few days.
I will tell him of course though. Am I being unreasonable to still go? If he really feels uncomfortable I won't, but I will be massively disappointed.
I know I will tell him and will respect his wishes but what would u do? Am I overthinking this?
For context there's nowhere else I or this other guy can realistically stay that night so if I do go I have to stay in hers.
Thanks for reading

I wouldn't even mention it. Just carry on with the plans.

I wouldn’t mention it. Not his business. Why would you ‘respect his wishes’ if his wishes include you not going because there’s a man in the house? Does he think you are going to cheat with this man? FFS, stick to your plans. And maybe reflect over the festive period about your life with your H and whether you actually want to live like this..

If my husband couldn't trust me or didn't want me to stay at my friend's house with her husband and her husband's male friend in the house he wouldn't be my husband anymore.

No need to mention it. You know nothing untoward will happen, it's just a friend of a friend.

Your relationship is so far from healthy! Your issues are far bigger than just the concert.

I wouldn’t tell him either. Have a good night!

Yes, thank you I know this all too well. You reiterating it doesn't help me whatsoever though so if you've any constructive advice that would be appreciated.

The relationship sounds awful anyway if you:

A) have to ask his permission.
B) he might get into such a mood that it will ruin several days - even at Christmas.
C) He is that jealous/paranoid about you having sex with another male, just because he happens to be sleeping in the same house.

Thank you all I do appreciate the responses. Thing is I try to be as honest as person as I can and I know this would make me feel horribly guilty if I don't tell him. I probably wouldn't like it if it was the other way around so I can see how if he'll be annoyed. There's a heck of a lot of issues in my marriage atm, I do know this, but I did this aibu to try and see if I was just way overthinking this or if it was something everyone else would think wasn't a big deal. I'm in my head too much. Always.

Sorry if my post upset you. It wasn't mean to.

My point was this is a highly dysfunctional relationship and one you need to get out of. You need a solution to more than than concert issue.

Is there a reason you can't/haven't left him? Perhaps posters can help you with that.

Yes, it isn't great at all. But I mentioned it's not a happy marriage and I suppose my main question is if I'm overthinking this issue too much or if he would be completely right to be annoyed. I know I wouldn't particularly like it as his spouse, but we're in situation where I am being treated badly and just want a good night out!

Very sorry, my reply was defensive. Thank you. ❤️
Yes there are several reasons - without expanding too much as I don't know if there's enough characters lol: I'm a Christian, we have a severely autistic 4 year old together, no family support, I still do love him and hope we can be better together. Realistically and in times of clarity I freak out in my own head and know I need out, but because of that and other reasons I wasn't sure if not telling him about this situation now with a new guy staying in the house too was a terrible thing to do or me overthinking

Wow. Definitely don't do that.

Then you are both being unreasonable if it would also upset you if the shoe was on the other foot. Are you both so out of control that you couldn't help but shag another person if youre sleeping in the same house as them?

This wouldn’t even register as something I’d need to mention. Go and enjoy yourself!

Edited to add - unless you’re going to drip feed that the only place for this other guy to sleep is your bed?

It would be such a non-issue that I wouldn't even have considered it worth mentioning to DH because he already knows the plan is for you to go to a gig with your friend and stay over after. The presence or absence of other people is neither here nor there and changes nothing about the trip.

No lol she has 2 other bedrooms than the one I'll be sleeping in!

Unless you think that you may cheat on your DH with this guy then I really don’t see the issue. I take it you won’t be expected to sleep in the same bed? I can’t imagine why your DH would care that your fitness husband also has a friend staying. I just wouldn’t say anything, well I might, but my DH wouldn’t have an issue with it so it wouldn’t be the same situation.

Is the concert in a town/city? If so could you book a hotel there instead of going back to your friends rural house?

I know and years ago it wouldn't have been even a thought. But these days are different I suppose and I know it would bother him now hence why I don't know if I'd be a terrible person not to tell him or if because it would bother him I should or what. I feel extra guilty as I know it would bother him so feel more personal pressure to do so. But I do fear he'll be unreasonable about it when it is a non-issue ie I am going out to go out with my friend and have a good time with her as friends.

It wouldn't even register with me that this would be something to mention.

If the situation was reversed, I definitely wouldn't expect DH to mention it or 'clear' it with me.

I suppose I just think I'd want to know if it was the other way around. I would get a bit suspicious if he didn't tell me until after the fact, and I'm too much of an honest but anxious person to never tell him knowing it would be something he would get bothered about.
No, of course we'll be in completely separate rooms. It's almost because I know it'll bother him so much, possibly - maybe it's just all in my head, although doubtful it is, that I feel the need to tell him. But am worried he'll make me feel as I shouldn't go. So I won't

No it's in a rural-ish village/town and she lives next town over. One or more of her friends don't drink so will drop us to hers. There's possibly a B&B in the home town I can look into. A part of me thinks I shouldn't have to do that but I'm considering it too. I feel like I don't know what is right to do so decided to post here!

It's none of your husband's business if your friend has others staying. You can just claim you didn't know they were going to be there or just not mention it.

The fact your H would blow his gasket that a complete stranger who happened to be the opposite sex to you might be in the same building for a few hours shows that you should probably consider chucking him.

Can you expand?