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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we’re raising kids terrified of boredom?

130 replies

BoredomIsHealthy · 21/12/2025 11:10

Kids seem unable to sit with boredom - everything must be entertaining, instant, stimulating.

AIBU to think boredom builds resilience and creativity, and we’re avoiding it?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 22/12/2025 12:34

I’m going to go against the grain and disagree with this: I think this has become a very fashionable refrain at the moment and there’s maybe some truth that parents overindulge their kids bur most of it is silly nostalgia which people haven’t thought through.

I remember being stupefyingly bored as a child because my parents couldn’t be arsed to organise the activities I wanted to do and no I don’t think I benefited from it. I wanted to do a drama club and that was too much hassle. Also an art club after school and again that was too much grief. So my mates and I hung around disused land smoking and drinking.

People worshipping the idea of boredom making kids more creative are looking at this with hugely rose tinted glasses. The idea is that bored kids will magically start building dens, damming streams and generally channelling Enid Blyton.

Its not like that. Bored kids are actually more likely to sir around playing Xbox all day, or getting pissed and breaking things. Boredom doesn’t engender creativity it breeds anger.

I wont apologise for trying to find activities for my kid. I would far prefer to have her occupied and learning things than fucking about doing nothing and trying to look for trouble.

ReignOfError · 22/12/2025 12:37

xmasstress12 · 21/12/2025 14:07

I also remember my Mum taking us to the supermarket and leaving me to look after my brother and sister in the cafe while she did the shopping

Can you imagine a thread where a parent suggests this now?

Edited

We - from when I was about 9 or 10, with four siblings, the youngest maybe aged 4 - used to be put on a bench outside the pub with a lemonade and a bag of crisps each. Lots of other kids on other benches, it wasn’t just us.

I imagine these days someone would call social services.

ThisTicklishFatball · 22/12/2025 13:21

looselegs · 21/12/2025 11:40

I'm a childminder and have noticed a massive change in how children play over the last few years.
They lack creativity, imagination and motivation. They mooch about, not knowing what to do with themselves. I provide interesting, engaging activities and interact with them part of the time- I ask questions such as " how can you make that bigger?" or " what can you add to that?" etc and they look at me like I've got 2 heads .And here's why......
When they're with their family they're constantly kept busy with day trips to farms, zoo's, soft play, pottery painting, theme parks, farms, playdates.......and then when they're at home,it's tablets or TV. They don't have to think what to do , it's done for them. So they struggle in childcare and get bored because they don't have to use their imagination at home so don't know how to use it elsewhere. Just the other day,I got a big box of bricks out and literally said to the children ( aged 20 months, 2.5 and 3.5 ) "see what you can do with those". All 3 of them just sat in the floor,banging two bricks together...

It's nice that parents want their children to experience different things and environments, but sometimes they just need to be left to their own devices and just 'be'

What you describe is exactly what’s happening to so many children these days.

I put a lot of effort into making sure my children had a different upbringing during their childhood and early teenage years, and it was definitely hard work. My teenagers really enjoy screen games—there are plenty of great ones that require strategic thinking and imagination to achieve the best outcomes. There’s also healthy competition among players, which is a good way to learn. They also take part in physical activities and help with chores at home, so we try to keep things balanced. I’m lucky they’re homebodies, just like their mother.

I grew up in the 90s, and my childhood was quite different from most people’s. I was raised on a mixed farm, and from an early age, my parents relied on us to help with all sorts of tasks. They made sure we learned how to do everything, preparing us to be future farm workers. The farm was two miles from a village with a primary school, which I attended, biking there and back every day. For secondary school, five miles away in a nearby town, we also rode our bikes daily. We played games in the streets and fields, had toys, made things, used our imagination, had fun, learned, and became self-sufficient through the things we did as children. After school, we’d take care of any errands while in town—whether it was going to the market, stopping at the bakery, or doing other chores for our parents—before heading home with cash in hand. I got the internet at home when I was 17, but by then I already had a whole world of my own, so it didn’t change much.

I think nowadays there would be shocked people calling social services and shouting abuse though.

changedmyname24 · 22/12/2025 13:44

Ironically, of my 3 boys, it is my autistic middle son who finds it easiest to entertain himself. He loves to junk model, build train tracks & Lego, make up board games etc. DS3 really struggles with boredom & I must admit I give in for an easy life. Although he is happy having a friend round.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/12/2025 18:01

ReignOfError · 22/12/2025 12:37

We - from when I was about 9 or 10, with four siblings, the youngest maybe aged 4 - used to be put on a bench outside the pub with a lemonade and a bag of crisps each. Lots of other kids on other benches, it wasn’t just us.

I imagine these days someone would call social services.

My grandparents used to leave us in the car for an hour or so with radio on and with Pop and crisps

Jonnyenglish · 22/12/2025 21:10

scalt · 22/12/2025 07:15

@Mischance Precisely about children's TV: full of hype and stimulation. In fact, you could say the same about TV in general, which is one reason of many I hardly watch TV at all now. You used to get a moment of quiet while the credits rolled at the end; but now, it's straight into hyping up the next programme, in the usual "hysterical TV voice". And that any TV programme, from a comedy to a "serious" documentary, will be full of very rapid cuts from one scene to another, with no shot lasting more than a few seconds. It reflects people's attention spans.

You can see it in the way people make Youtube videos: the popular ones always begin with "Hey Guys!!!!" (usually said by several people in unison), the fast way of talking, even when explaining something, the constantly changing background shots.

The "screens are bad for children" thing is nothing new: in the 70s and 80s, television used to have a bad press for entertaining children. Although Roald Dahl is generally disliked on Mumsnet, perhaps he was right when the Oompa-Loompas sing about what television does to children:
It rots the senses in the head!
It kills imagination dead!
The brain becomes as soft as cheese!
His powers of thinking rust and freeze!
He cannot think! He only sees!
"All right!" you'll cry, "all right!" you'll say.
"But if we take the set away,
what shall we do to entertain
our darling children? Please explain!"
It then goes on to say how children used to read books before television was invented, and we should go back to those times.
Fill the shelves with lots of books
Ignoring all the dirty looks
The screams, the yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks.

And that's another point: those Oompa-Loompa rhymes took up several pages each. Do children (or even adults) nowadays have the stamina to read them through? I remember hesitating to read them.

the strange thing was before tv they then blamed the books : Before the days of widespread television, particularly in the 18th century during the rise of the novel, the perceived affliction of reading too much was referred to by various terms, including reading fever, eading rage, reading mania, ertvc and so on

OhDear111 · 22/12/2025 21:17

@looselegs It’s not new though. Employers see this lack of thinking for themselves too. Young people might have degrees but they lack many other skills to get the best jobs. They aren’t capable of being inventive or finding solutions. The curriculum is spoon fed in schools and exams are formulaic. It’s dumbing down imagination and the spark to think for themselves.

casapenguin · 22/12/2025 21:28

Blarn · 21/12/2025 19:17

I'm not apparently, mine often complain about being bored. I tell them to find something to do. I do hope they are never as bored as I was on a Sunday during the 80s though, that was a form of torture, probably just below waterboarding.

Edited

My ‘millennial’ trait it to tell the youngest people I work with about how there were entire afternoons of my childhood where the best thing on telly was sheepdog trials 🤣

FletchFan · 22/12/2025 21:34

There seems to be this societal pressure to constantly be doing stuff with kids. How many petting zoos and 'christmas experiences' are there now for example? I don't know if it's social media or what, but it seems fashionable for mums to showcase all the wonderful things they do with their children. Parenting has become a competition, all this 'cherish every moment' nonsense being spouted about.

Today my only daughter kept nagging me every second of the day to do something with her, 'where are we going today?' etc etc. Eventually I told her I had some jobs to do, so go and play by yourself. She ended up writing a letter to Santa for when he arrived Christmas eve. Sometimes you just have to let them be bored, it does them the world of good.

Abracadabra12345 · 22/12/2025 21:34

EveryKneeShallBow · 21/12/2025 11:34

I completely agree. I was recently in hospital and there was constant phone noise, music, tictocs, chatting from wake up to lights out. It nearly drove me demented.

My friend was in hospital recently for several weeks and she said she was crying at times because of the relentless noise. I’m noise sensitive and have to wear noise-cancelling earbuds to cope with public transport video and phone callers so this would be torture for me, especially if you are ill and your defences are low

Fernsrus · 22/12/2025 21:37

NuffSaidSam · 21/12/2025 11:14

I think it's the adults who are terrified of boredom and so we raise kids who have never experienced it. They're either being actively entertained or babysat by a screen.

I agree that boredom and the resulting ability to entertain yourself is crucial for resilience, creativity and general development.

This.

EatYourDamnPie · 22/12/2025 21:40

Kids aren’t terrified of boredom. Parents are.
Or at least they’re worried about the consequences of boredom.

There are several factors at play here. Parents that are too busy to spend time with their children. A kid won’t know how to play if no one shows them, especially if no siblings or much non guided socialisation. On top of that, there is a huge amount of guilt stemming from the “too busy” factor so they end up organising ALL the activities, finding things that are fun , if the child needs to be occupied.

Another thing I’ve noticed in my circle is avoiding mess. Bored kids will often explore /experiment and that sometimes can end up in mess, dirty clothes etc.

Then there is the expectation that you have to keep your eyes on your child 24/7 and so much fear of accidents, dangers etc.

All these things contribute to not only curbing children’s imagination and independence, but to making sure their life is structured, “safe” and full of entertainment.

overmyherd · 22/12/2025 21:41

Boredom is essential for imaginative play. I usually do a couple of structured activities a day but I’m also really conscious of making sure that my kids have time to be bored and create their own fun.

I work in a school and I have noticed attention spans are rapidly depleting, it’s very worrying.

Superhansrantowindsor · 22/12/2025 21:43

Being bored these days would be a blessing. Just sitting still with no distraction and noise. I saw a comedian describe a childhood of the past where we practiced mindfulness meaning we watched raindrops trickle down the bus window, we waited for the cassette to rewind etc. Kids are over stimulated.

looselegs · 23/12/2025 07:51

OhDear111 · 22/12/2025 21:17

@looselegs It’s not new though. Employers see this lack of thinking for themselves too. Young people might have degrees but they lack many other skills to get the best jobs. They aren’t capable of being inventive or finding solutions. The curriculum is spoon fed in schools and exams are formulaic. It’s dumbing down imagination and the spark to think for themselves.

Absolutely agree!
Many young people lack common sense and basic life skills, because everything is done for them at home. They can't use initiative.
My son has a group of 4 friends, all his age (27). He has a very good job in IT. Didn't go to Uni. He did 3 years as an apprentice, which he hated, but it got him where he is now. All 4 of his friends went to Uni. One now works in a coffee shop, one works in M&S,one is a car dealer and one doesn't work. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of those jobs but they didn't work for ages when they left Uni because they expected to walk into great jobs because they had degrees. No people skills, no life skills. None of them even have a partner, and none of them even drive! So they ended up taking the jobs they have because they needed the money.
As parents, we want to help our kids. To protect them and bring them up to be nice people. But they also need that proverbial kick up the bum so they can make their own way in the world without us having to do it for them.

phoenixrosehere · 23/12/2025 09:13

looselegs · 23/12/2025 07:51

Absolutely agree!
Many young people lack common sense and basic life skills, because everything is done for them at home. They can't use initiative.
My son has a group of 4 friends, all his age (27). He has a very good job in IT. Didn't go to Uni. He did 3 years as an apprentice, which he hated, but it got him where he is now. All 4 of his friends went to Uni. One now works in a coffee shop, one works in M&S,one is a car dealer and one doesn't work. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of those jobs but they didn't work for ages when they left Uni because they expected to walk into great jobs because they had degrees. No people skills, no life skills. None of them even have a partner, and none of them even drive! So they ended up taking the jobs they have because they needed the money.
As parents, we want to help our kids. To protect them and bring them up to be nice people. But they also need that proverbial kick up the bum so they can make their own way in the world without us having to do it for them.

Many people in general lack common sense.

Could it possibly be that some of the younger generation lack it because they weren’t taught by their own parents to think critically because they themselves didn’t have the skill or due to the way society mocks people who do think and ask questions?

I do agree there are some parents who do everything but the same outcome happens to those who just leave their kids to figure it out .
Like most things, it’s a balance.

Really don’t get the whole driving makes you an adult aspect. One thing if it’s someone who expects and demands a ride, entirely different if someone is able to get to point b from point a without a car and shows up on time.

THisbackwithavengeance · 23/12/2025 09:18

That’s phones for you. It’s not just kids, it’s adults as well. Our brains have been ruined.

Punkerplus · 23/12/2025 11:46

I think as well, it isn't just boredom. A lot of parents are simply afraid of their children experiencing any negative emotion whatsoever and will go to any lengths to keep them happy. You only have to read posts on here from posters who ask for "gentle" way of doing things to avoid their toddlers from having a tantrum without realising that it's healthy and vital for their development for toddlers to have tantrums and learn to process negative emotions and not getting their own way.

OhDear111 · 23/12/2025 16:31

@phoenixrosehere You don’t need to drive in London but elsewhere it can make you unemployable. Or you cannot actually get to work as there’s no buses. In some places in the country driving is a vital skill. However it’s like many of the aspects we are talking about, young people need an array of skills, not just a degree.

Namechange8240 · 23/12/2025 16:57

We do tend to take our DC (9 and 7) out a lot, but it's more to give them exercise and fresh air. DC do need daily time outside. So sometimes it could be a farm or zoo, but other times the park, beach or woods where they may play imaginatively, in the mud, climb trees etc.

I also find that after a period of being outside, they're more able to play at home by themselves. (DD also has ADHD and this is a known thing based on research).

However we are also probably guilty of too much screen time.

We've had a rare day completely inside today and they've had plenty of TV watching, but also done a sticker book (DD), play doh (DS) and DD has edited the short play she wrote yesterday using dictation technology (and which her and DS are currently practising and filming).

MeAndTheDoggo · 23/12/2025 17:03

100%
I have lots of friends who run rings around themselves doing many clubs during the week. They just seem so frazzled as families. Then weekends as parents they are split in two taking kids to different clubs. Maybe me and dh are lazy. I don’t really know. But we have our time together and our kids are good at taking themselves off

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 18:55

The thing that makes me laugh about these sorts of threads is that they’re always full of people saying ‘I totally agree. I have friends who do x, y and z (insert perceived undesirable behaviour) whereas my kids do x, y and z (insert perceived desirable behaviour). No one says ‘youre right, im guilty of this’, for example. That’s why I believe that they’re never a general reflection on societal trends/behaviours, more just an excuse for people to slag off other people’s parenting failures.
Merry Christmas to all.

Periperi2025 · 23/12/2025 19:02

cadburyegg · 21/12/2025 11:26

I totally agree with you. Lots of kids now don’t seem to know how just to be at home without screens. They always want to be watching tv or if they do go out, they expect to do an expensive child centred activity. Their parents could never tolerate being at home with their babies and toddlers so went out all of the time and it’s just extended as they’ve got older. Then the kids just come to expect constant entertainment and stimulation and why wouldn’t they- they don’t know any different.

Then they can’t cope with normal things like grocery shopping because they aren’t interesting enough, which is why you see kids on screens all the time in shops and restaurants.

One of my friends has a child who struggles with school a lot, and IMO part of the problem is she is taken on constant holidays (literally every single school holiday involves going somewhere), and in the rare times they’re not on holiday they are out doing an activity. They are never just at home. It’s not real life tbh and it’s actually quite disruptive. Of course school is dull in comparison.

Their parents could never tolerate being at home with their babies and toddlers so went out all of the time and it’s just extended as they’ve got older

This was something i've really struggled with since lockdown. DD is an only child and was 2 yrs 6 weeks going into lockdown, she was a late talker so could barely put two words together at this time. It was hard. It took a long time for me not to freak out at the thought of a last minute inset day, or weather closure being sprung on me, and feeling 'trapped', then i would rapidly feel like a terrible mum for having even thought so negatively about having to spend a day with my DD. I'm much better now, but lockdown has certainly shaped how I raised DD, and i imagine i'm not the only one.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 19:21

Periperi2025 · 23/12/2025 19:02

Their parents could never tolerate being at home with their babies and toddlers so went out all of the time and it’s just extended as they’ve got older

This was something i've really struggled with since lockdown. DD is an only child and was 2 yrs 6 weeks going into lockdown, she was a late talker so could barely put two words together at this time. It was hard. It took a long time for me not to freak out at the thought of a last minute inset day, or weather closure being sprung on me, and feeling 'trapped', then i would rapidly feel like a terrible mum for having even thought so negatively about having to spend a day with my DD. I'm much better now, but lockdown has certainly shaped how I raised DD, and i imagine i'm not the only one.

Oh I agree. My youngest was 15 months going into lockdown, and DH and I both had to work from home full time while caring for him and home schooling his 6 and 4 year old siblings. He was later diagnosed with autism. It was absolutely fucking hideous and I still panic at having to stay at home with the kids for prolonged periods as a result of that time.

aLFIESMA · 23/12/2025 20:05

Left to their own devices or left on their devices !