To think we’re raising kids terrified of boredom?

[BoredomIsHealthy]

Kids seem unable to sit with boredom - everything must be entertaining, instant, stimulating.

AIBU to think boredom builds resilience and creativity, and we’re avoiding it?

Same here, no one is ever bored in our house. Quite the opposite! I find that we do a lot less than other families in terms of activities and days out, however. A lot more time at home and we are all quite content with that. I suspect that a few people think we don't do enough but no one has said this to us outright.

Same here. In the 70s and 80s I don’t think there was much put on for kids. Perhaps because there was nothing though and we lived very rurally, so no zoos or theme parks. Soft play and the like had yet to be thought of.
If we did go to an event it was something for my parents, a car show or a county show for example.
When we did do something it was really memorable - like a day trip to London to go to the natural history museum for example.

Why does it scare you?

It just seems quite daunting in an overwhelming way. For example, I get quite stressed when planning days out or holidays and trying to work out timings and trying to find a balance between getting to something on time but not “hanging around” which is like MH worst nightmare lol. Visiting family sitting in their living room when you’ve ran out of things to say = hell. I always have to have music or audiobooks for walking, phone in waiting room etc. so when thinking on earlier generations of people, I just can’t imagine doing nothing.

YANBU

Boredom and hunger must be immediately satiated.

Speak for yourself, I’m not.

I think it's exactly this. It's not that kids are bored, it's that parents don't allow them to be bored, or leave them alone and think they need to be entertained at all costs. I get flabbergasted reading threads on here from parents who are followed room to room from their 7-9 year olds complaining they need to be entertained. And it starts from a young age too. I read a recent thread from a poster who complained of being burned out because apparently her 12 WEEK OLD needed constant entertaining and they had to be out the house 8 hours a day. Absolute insanity.

We don't do our kids any favours with this intense style of parenting. There's research now showing the kids are becoming burnt out and you only need to here about some of the schedules of some of these kids who seem to attend activities every day on top of school. We're also ranging a generation of such anxious kids now who seem to lack such resillience and a big part of that is how we parent. Despite the fact it isn't any less safer than previous generations, kids don't play outside as much and there's so less opportunities for free play and given such little independence. Everything is organised for them and even then parents intervene at the smallest interaction then leave their kids alone to figure things out.

There's a lot of research now on the benefits of free play and how important this. I'd really recommend the books Free Range children and the Idle parent too. It really helped me to take a step back and not feel I have to constantly intervene or entertain.

That’s so interesting! I absolutely love the prospect of a day with “nothing” planned.

Oh no I do too, by boredom I don’t necessarily mean I need to be off out doing something, but if we had a power cut for example; no gaming, tv, scrolling etc. I do love to read but that’s still of the same ilk really, need to be doing something. And you think about people centuries ago…what did they do?! I appreciate the concept of leisure time for poorer people is a relatively modern thing, I assume most people worked or rested in their limited free time…but still, in that free time!

I think it’s just what you’re used to. My childhood didn’t have internet and I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV so by default everything I did was things like puzzles, books, games etc.

Born late 60s. We were often left to our own devices, that doesn't seem to happen now. Same thing for discipline. I know my generation is classed as feral, but we were at least taught manners. Nowadays, there are so many kids who cannot just sit quietly, entertain themselves and behave.

Ours know how to be bored, I’m so crap at imaginative play they sometimes opt to be bored if playing with me is the only option. We’re also not an overly busy family, today we aren’t doing anything, so everyone has to find their own entertainment.

One thing is for sure, every generation will criticise the next generation’s parenting. It’s the way of the world. The people on here criticising the current generation of parents to young children will have equally been criticised by their parents’ generation for their perceived failings.

YANBU.
Learning to 'sit' with feelings that aren't masked by constant stimuli is really important. I do mean by way of organised activities, ipads, mobile phone screens etc.
Children have no time to just 'be', to reflect, to have down time.
As another person said boredom or hunger is satiated immediately.

I see young adults through my work and very few have any interests or hobbies outside of screens which seems very sad.

Well yes I agree and am guilty of it

but compared to my own childhood-

we are in a tiny house and no one has space to do their own thing so they end up fighting

The kids can’t go out and play unsupervised in the street because it’s no longer socially acceptable. Ditto can’t just have friends knocking for them, all interaction is mediated by parents cos kids aren’t allowed to roam

they are used to being offered entertainment and distraction if bored and antsy, because we have to stop them whinging somehow and it is no longer socially acceptable to smack them or shut them in a room if they are acting up, or just put them in the pub garden and leave them there for hours…

I see this too. Mainly watching TV and tiktok. I'm not disparaging them for it - I like a good browse on mumsnet and Instagram myself - but I'm trying very hard to raise a child with interests and the ability to be stimulated by something other than the YouTube feed. I do sometimes crave the 'boredom' of my early 20s where I would end up reading all day instead of reaching for the phone or laptop. I'm still a big reader but have a shorter attention span now, that's for sure, and have to actively pencil in reading. I think the best thing I can do for my daughter is make her sit with herself. She had a little nap this morning - that never happens at this age! - and when she woke up and asked for her tablet I said not just now - and she just lay in bed being quiet with her own thoughts for half an hour. Its a little win.

I don’t, but I’m very lazy. I can’t be arsed to ‘play’ all the time!

I remember being advised twenty five years ago to let your kids be bored at some points.

I do agree that kids aeen’t good at being bored, but also partly it’s the parents fault. Parents feel that every weekend needs a ‘making memories’ moment, or they should be doing a club, or doing crafts etc. Parents don’t let their kids to be bored.

Saying that, at a bus stop, all teenagers are on their phones instead of just waiting.

For an intelligent person, boredom is often the opening to discovering something new. For someone who's less intelligent, it usually seems to end in frustration and breaking stuff/vandalism/violence.

Parents feel that every weekend needs a ‘making memories’ moment, or they should be doing a club, or doing crafts etc. Parents don’t let their kids to be bored.

I don’t know any parents who do a making memories moment every weekend. And what’s wrong with a weekend sport? Very common when I was a dc.

I'm not apparently, mine often complain about being bored. I tell them to find something to do. I do hope they are never as bored as I was on a Sunday during the 80s though, that was a form of torture, probably just below waterboarding.

Also doing crafts... Doing crafts with my daughter is exactly why she's comfortable and confident going off and finding crafty things to do on her own when she's 'bored' ie doesn't have something structured to do. I think there's a bit of a difference between setting up endless crafting specifically to keep children entertained to head off boredom, and just doing things with your kids sometimes because you quite like them and spending time with them doing things they like.

I see a lot of example of this for sure. Things like kids sitting in trolleys watching something or playing games on an iPad while going round the supermarket, screens in restaurants and cafes, iPads on the backs of seats for car journeys, tv on during meals.

I sometimes see parents give the justification that it's just while the kids are young and can't be trusted to behave in a restaurant or supermarket. But there's no magic age at which children will suddenly sit nicely at a table and engage in conversation, or walk helpfully round a supermarket. Children learn to do these things by regularly having experience of them from a young age. Little kids who never get bored in restaurants and learn how to manage that and seek entertainment from others at the table will grow into teens who won't look up from their phones at a family dinner, and whose social skills are correspondingly lacking.

Boredom is essential for creativity, growth, resilience, self-sufficiency and a host of other things. It's a great gift to give your children.

Children don't need tablets and mobile phone screens at any time, I don't get it. How on earth do parents now think we raised children before screens?? It's just creating a new set of problems.

Boredom makes you use your imagination, creativity etc. it's not a bad thing.